I feel abit different atm, can't really explain it. I ain't been online much in the last week and it feels goood, im pissed atm and im a free spirit, i can do what i fucking want, you gotta love that. I just feel meaga positive right now, i've got a massive boner!

Anonymous comments usually don't bother me one bit, if they did i would just enable comment moderation and then delete them like some other blogs, no problem. However, the last annon comment on my previous post put me on monster tilt for some reason, it made me fucking angry. So, i thought id write a quick post to you simple annon fish.....

What alot a you fish don't really understand is that this blog is partly a piss take. Its a piss take of you the readers, don't you get it you stupid fucks? Im just having a laugh, i laugh at you fish, especially the anonymous cunts who leave the saddest of little gay comments. Some people may regard it as abit sad and kinda geeky that i keep a blog which is essentially a diary and i understand that and sort of agree lol. However, i write my blog because it amuses me, i don't take it seriously. I write it to keep track of my poker exploits and throw in shit that happens in my life. Its good to read back on and reflect upon things i have done in the past few years and also my mind state at the time of writing, i find that interesting. There's also something strangely satisfying about people reading and leaving comments on your blog, including you annon slutpigs.

Sorry for the lack of updates fish but your blogging messiah has been oot n aboot with Swedish birds aswell as getting ball bagged in Newcastle for a few nights, wae'aye man! So apologises to all my loyal fans but don't panic fishays, I'll probably post about my shennanigoons in Toon Land, my Swedish twinkee, (who i later found out was actually Turkish, doh), and a few recent poker exploits soon when i can next be bovved, laters.

Hello fisheee's, I actually wish i had nothing to report pokerwise because no news as the saying goes is often good news well, unfortunately im still running worse than a three legged donkay on the cash tarbs. I have played two sessions, one small sesh winning about $120 and one decent sized sesh last night losing $470ish. Some of the beats were criminal, here is some of the evidence and some of the serial offending fishays....

Exhibit 1. This beat occurred quite early in the session to get me off to a nice 'relaxing' start. FFS

Exhibit 2. I might get slated for this one but fuck it. It happened exactly the same time as exhibit 1. I reraise massive here with AA because fish don't give me credit for having the boolets and will often call with hands like QQ KK and AK, so i kinda overplay them to get action. I hate making little suckee reraises aswell because its so obvious. My opponent here is no mug, he's a good player and when he calls i have him on KK QQ. The flop is siiiik for me. Perhaps i should be betting the flop but i just felt beat. Its possible he had AK or JJ or maybe even AA and was trying to trap me and also hated the flop. Thoughts??

Exhibit 3. I knew the slutpig was drawing and the turn wasn't great but there's a floosh draw out there aswell, what can you do?? Notice its the same muthalicker which his KK v my Q8 earlier, grrrr.

Exhibit 4. Im gonna get told off for playing the ol' 64 booted again but i call the $10 more pre-flop cause im 99% sure he has a big pair so i peel to break the mother, unfortunately he broke me, cunt!

Exhibit 5. One the last major beats of the night, there were a million small pots beats aswell btw lol. No 10, no 10, no 10, no 10....oh shit, runner runner J 8, MARVELLOUS!!

Copyright: Daniel Bellmont (private joke)

Here's a few pots where my hands actually held, hallelujah and praise the lord

Miracle 1: Played the booolets like a pro. This is what i mean about how fish are sooo aggro around the button these days. It never used to be like this at $1/2 full ring. I mean look at the bastard 3 betting me with the 59 of demons!! The only problem with me cold calling here is that i 'have' to go broke on alot of flops because he has such a wide range.

Miracle 2: Always bet your dooobel gooters babay. I can't believe he didn't re-raise me with on the flop with top two on that board. Whats more incredible though is the no 10 no K on the river, shipppp!

Right last hand, too many HH's get boring. This hand really pissed me off and probably illustrates why i might aswell stick to playing ABC. The hand probably looks like a shocker to some of you fish but the thing is i knew he had an overpair to the board once he makes that small value bet on the river and i knew that he knew that i probably had a hand like a small-mid pocket pair. For me to check raise him on the river indicates ultimate strength imo. This is something i would hardly ever do but i thought i'd experiment against a player who i thought would be capable of folding. Fat fucking chance of any of these bastards ever folding a pair, EVER! ABC Jones, ABC! I don't mind so much if the fish takes 5-10 seconds to study and then call but the muthalicker snap called in the time it takes my housemate Scotch to shoot his load when he's having a night of fun with his anal beads, nano fookings seconds!

Its not all doom n gloom on the poker front. I have turned a random 50 bucks in an old poker account into over $1k just from playing short handed SnG's. Im a fucking master at these things. I played a few $22's and built up the original 50 then crushed the $33 games. I think i won 5 or 6 on the bounce at one point. I reckon i might put the cash games on the back burner in June and see how much i can make from SnG's and MTT's, i have a good feel for the game and it might make me play abit stronger and with less fear seeing as its only chips and not real money. Check out my little Sharkscope record on FTP, username Amatay. If i played 1000 $33's a month that's $10k+ profit, woooooot.

Quick mention to Mr Cea. The bitch has been moaning and whinging at me for a while for me to give his blog a shout out so go read this piece of shit, lol. I mean lets face it there's only one blog out there worth reading tbh ;-) and no im not referring to Bluescouse you bastards. Oh, i also thought id give a mention to Cea fish because he pointed me in the direction of this rather interesting web site. Great find Mr Cea, you can't beat abit of Amateur pornographay!

Ok, onto the news regarding the title of this 'superb' post, hot date! Fuck me this is turning into a looong entry. Im going out with that Swedish sort that i got hold of last week for a few drinky pooh's in town and im actually abit nervous, awww bless the Amatation. Im usually a pretty confident fish when it comes to chatting shit but i guess the recent lack of social interaction with the outside world has taken its toll lol. There are a few potential problems.... number 1 i don't know her name ahahahhaha. Well i do, but i dont know now how to prononce it. However, im not even sure if she knows my name, she probably does as she wasnt drunk when me meet which bodes well for me but the thing is she keeps calling me teacher in her text messages. This is problem 2 btw that fact that i told her that i was a teacher and not a poker playing bum. I find people respond very differently when i tell them i play poker for a living so i think i told this Swedish bird that i am still a teacher. I think she also kinda likes it that im a teacher or as she spells it teatcher, thats problem no 3, her English ain't that great lol. It wouldn't be so bad if i travelled the world and played poker but im almost a 100% internet degen, nothing exciting about that. Fuck it, i might tell her im an international jetsetting poker playing entrepreneur who also does some part time work as a fire fightay or summat??? Ok, i think thats enough of this bullshit, im off to go and brush up on my Swedish, laters.

What a smashing day! Its quite lovely isn't it?

I sometimes kinda feel like my opportunity to progress and move up limits and the poker ladder so to speak has passed me by. I feel like i have missed my chance, maybe not, hopefully not anyways. I have been playing my faggot $1/2 games pretty much since i started playing poker 3-4 yrs ago and i have been massively overolled for these games for much of this time. There was a period about 6-12 months ago when i was 4 tabling $2/4 and having the odd shot at $5/10 with good success but i somehow ended up going back to $1/2. Now that im playing poker for a living my roll is not as big as much of my winnings go on bills etc whereas my old teaching job used to take care of that so its even more difficult to progress through the poker ranks now. I dont even earn that much from these games atm, my confidence has been shattered and as a result im scared to log a decent amount of hrs. Im a faggot i know, cue the annon comments. Im running bad but im always honest and yep im not playing great either, LeCoq is right in most of the things he has said, there have been a few hands where i havent maximised value and a few other spots where i have just played shit. I can't have turned into a donk in the last few months? Maybe the standard has improved to such a large extent in the last yr and many of the fish have overtaken me? mmm, again im not convinced. I mean i made more dosh in February this year than in any previous month. Ahhhhhhhh, sooooo gay Jones, sooo GAY! I let mini bad spells really bother me sometimes, esp now its my living. Ah fuck it, i gotta stop being a poof, what sort of poker player am i?? Im a fucking wimp! Im gonna suck it up and hit the tarbles hard for the next 4-5 days and hopefully do the biz. Im then off to Newcastle for the weekend with about 7-8 mates for a random monster 2 day piss up, should be a good crack. Im gonna crush this week, please god let me crush, pleeeeeeeease.

I know i said the blog was suspended but whatever fuck it, blah blah fucking blah. Just played the most brutal 2 hrs i think i have ever encountered, virtually nothing went right, it was fucking disgusting, i feel sick to the very pit of my stomach.

I dropped over $600 in the first 20 mintues. Here i flopped 2nd set and lose. I had an idea he could have 99 when he flat called my $42 raise but what can you do??

I played this hand abit shit imo. My re-raise on the flop was quite small but i wanted action. I think i should have folded the river. FUCK!

I tried to slowplay AA here and i think it went horribly wrong. Im sure you fish are gonna slate me in this hand. Pre-flop i play it perfect because i think he folds to a shove, maybe i should have bet the turn. It looks like he sensed danger to me and fairplay he took the free cards. When the river comes i can only beat KK or something crazy imo and i dont think he's suddenly gonna blast the river with KK?? I mean he would have bet the flop or turn right? Im beat by QQ JJ and AK. FUCK FUCK FUCK!

I logged off after this 20 mintues to regain some composure and came back to it about 15 mintues later and started to fight my way back making over $400 so i was only stuck $200 odd when this happened, sigh. Im suprised he didnt raise on the flop or the turn with 77 with all the draws out there. Had he raised me on the flop i may have folded so i guess he risked it and got paid off to the max. FUCKER!

Can i find a fold here?? FFS!

This is one of the last hands i played. Again i sensed i was in trouble but its tough to fold. My opponent played it well and again risked a flush coming either killing his action or crushing his three jacks. Ice FUCKING cold!

I dunno what to do with myself atm, Im stunned im shell shocked, my heads fucked. I dropped $1k in total today in them 2 hrs. Maybe its an over reaction? FUCKKKKKKK! I can't bring myself to sit back down anymore, i expect to lose somehow everytime i play. It was a struggle to sit down today. I aint won a penny in over a week. I've gone 5-6 sessions either breaking even or losing which i think is my worst ever by quite some distance. Three losing sessions in a row for me is a rare but 5-6 is redic! Dropped $2.5k since last Friday. I hate this feeling, its horrible :-(

Woke up today and came across of couple of decent blogs that have both decided to stop writing i just thought yeah fuck it, i can't be bovved either anymore so that's that. Laters fish.

Woke up today and came across of couple of decent blogs that have both decided to stop writing i just thought yeah fuck it, i can't be bovved either anymore so that's that. Laters fish.

My best booday and housemate Scotch has a saying known as negotiations which basically refers to when the dirtay ginger haired fish is trying to get a shag by chatting up a bird (negotiating) either in person or usually via text msg on his mob. Scotch has never had that great a record with the ladies tbh, he's done ok, however, recently the little orange rat has done alright for himself. Last Friday he randomly pulled some 22 yr old bird in a pub called the Horns and went out for a drink with her later in the week. Whilst he was out with this bird they had a few drinks got abit merry and then this bird turned round to him and basically said, "i hope you don't think i'm a slag but can i come back to your place" Mother fucker, why can't i meet a bird like that? So, the slutpig only ended up getting his willy wet didnt he the bastard. I find it hard to believe that any bird would want to go anywhere near his small smellay ginger tool let alone let him stick one up em lol. Anyways, fairplay Scotch you have been cracking me up recently, you're a ledge. Not only did Scotch rump her he also poomped her oop the ass, dirrrrtay bitch. Apparently she asked him to do it so being the 'gentleman' that Scotchy is he naturally obliged. I think Scotch blasted his load after about 5 minutes actually because he weren't in his room long before he came out and the pissed cunt genuinely asked me if i wanted a drink? He popped his little ginger face round the door and his exact words were....Jonesy do you want any juice?? I was like WTF??? I don't want any of your 'juice'

Later in the night i was in bed doing my usual, surfing the internet for good free porn, cock in hand, when i could hear Scotch pummelling this poor girl again and that's when realitay hit home, WTF am i doing??? I have got to get back in the game, i have got to put myself back on the market, in the shop window so to speak, i have got to start negotiating again!!!! I just ain't been that bothered with the ladies recently, i need to start utilising my psychological powers again, i can't have Scotch getting more rumpage than me, its just unacceptable lol.

I immediately set about some re-negotiations with some bird i met a few months back who i really liked at the time but was too fooking lazy to arrange to see her a second time. I wrote a post about this 'lucky' lady a while back, here it is. I think you'll agree its some of my finest work, makes me laugh when i read it back anyways, im sure Paddy is still gonna come back to haunt me one day. Im meeting this bird on Thursday night in Clapham where she now lives, hopefully we'll have a good crack.

Oh shit, just remembered something about our Scotchy that made me laugh. He meet up with this bird for a second night and she brought round a bag of sex toys!!! Scotch said he ended up sticking a load of anal beads up her bum hole. He said they where flashing and vibrating plastic balls, i was pissing myself, he told me that he was too scared to look what else was in her bag of sexual goodies, the mind boogles. Fuck knows whats in store from him if he meets her for a third time, my imagination can only wonder?? Perhaps she will bring round her twin sister or something, maybe i'll even get to have a go?

I went out on the piss with a few of the lads on Friday night with my new negotiation beliefs firmly installed. First up me Simms, Ads and Dan played abit of pool and then some poker in Rileys. I didnt crush Simms soul like the last time we played but the muthalicker did suckout on me once thou, although he also made one sick call against me with 94o when he had summat like 3rd or 4th pair, and he was good, grrrr. It was one of those genius/donkay type calls, you're a donk Simms ;-) After the pokes we went to Walkabout and then Kandy Klub. It turned into a good night, i hadn't eaten all day and was knocking back the Vodka RedBulls and Samboooookays and ended up quite ball bagged. I randomly got chatting to this bird at the bar and spent much of the rest of the night with her. From what i can remember she was quite a good looking girl and i think i done alright for myself although i have been wrong in the past. This bird is called Darya and is half Swedish half Slovakian babay! The only stumbling block is that i was sooo pissed i can't really remember much else about her and im not sure how you pronounce her name, i kept getting it wrong and that could fuck me up. I think she is only 19 yrs old aswell, not sure., Amatay may have bagged himself a Swedish twinkey, woooooot. I received a text message from her today when i got back from the gym asking me if i wanted to meet her in Covent Garden but it was abit short notice tbh and the footy was on so i made some bullshit excuse and we should be meeting up sometime soon.

I think i paid for a taxi for Darya to get home and then fuck knows what happened after that because i found myself staying the night at a bird called Tara's gaff looooool. I've pulled this Tara bird before, shes a mate of my sisters and im not sure how i ended up there really but its all cool. Dunno if i'll see Tara again, i'll see how i feel. I basically died all day on Saturday, i felt sooo sick, im such a larry.

Right, time for some poker news lol. Ermmmm, not much going on atm accept to say i play sooo shit, i really do suck at this game sometimes. I wonder how the fuck i make money at this game and how i rely on it to pay for bills, food and for taxi's for half Swedish half Slovakian birds, i play so bad. Nevertheless, even though at times i slate myself i have broke even since my last post with the help of $400 in rakeback. I've bluffed off quite a few hundred recently which has pissed me off, i don't know why i bother? Profit for May is still $1800 but i have got some very good bonuses on the way that will be a big boost, hopefully i'll have a good week at the tarbs. Laters fish.

New blog on the scene. Very funny and well constructed. Feel IC_Dead Fishays pain and listen to his tales of woe and anguish that he encounters on a daily basis. Let him take you on the journay and of a 'lifetime' and experience the many many barrrd beats he suffers at the hands of the mirco donks on Party Poker for yourselves. http://icdeadfish.blogspot.com/

Played a few hours tonight and made $250 odd but it kinda feels like a losing session as i was up over $750 and flying. I played a couple of hours in the afternoon and ended up down about $130 before popping round my mate Bills gaff to sort a few things out and then returning to the cyberfelt to bascially crush everyone. However, in about the last 30 odd minutes of my sesh alot of my profit vanished. This hand really fucked me off, i knew i was beat on the river and should have saved myself $116. Oh well nevermind, May has been pretty good so far, I have made $1800. My Poker Tracker highlights my laziness as i have made this amount in 18 hrs so about $100/hr which is quite good going. Need to start playing 40 hrs a week. More online antics tomorrow i guess, its my job ain't it :-) :-( ????

After my last post, which i received abit of stick for, i played abit more pokes and made about another $60-70ish. On Friday i had my cup Semi Final to sort out. For any new readers to my ghey blog i run a mens college footy team from Hammersmith where i used to work as a Sport and Exercise Science Lecturer (now im just a lazy poker bum). Also, if you are new to the blog where the fuck have you been, this is the best blog on the planet babay! Anyways, we had our strongest possible squad available except for one minor detail....our goalkeeper decided to blow it out without any notice! Ryan Nagle you CUNTTTTT! It fucked us right up. I stuck a winger in goal and we trailed 1-0 at half-time to a flukey goal. Second half we came out all guns blazing, equalised and then dominated for 20 odd mins until they scored again via a corner, slut! It took the mother fuckers 70 minutes to realise we had a winger in goal ffs lol. The shots started to come from all angles and we eventually lost 5-1. It was really disappointing as we are definitely a stronger team than Kingston, oh well.

On Saturday, i went out on the piss all day starting at midday. I met up with loadsa peeps during the day/night and it was a good crack. It was my mate Rob's b'day and he had planned a 22 pub crawl in Watford. I managed about 19-20 pub/bars i think, it was fucking messy. No rumpage as usual but i've got a few potentials on the backburner if i can be bovved to pull my finger out.

Sunday was recovery day. I went round my parents for abit, a nice Sunday roast always sort out my hangovers out, saw my sis and my little niece then minced at home. Played abit more $3/6 limit with Mr Cea again this time losing around $180 mainly via a few dirtay beats, ak v a9 and kk v qq, the bitches hit on the turn both times, grrrr. I also played a few donkaments with my best result being 6/90 in a $26 when i flat called a raise with AA and got it all in on a Qhi flop with the fish holding Q4 lol. No Q no 4, no Q no 4, no Q no 4, just the old runner runner rear entray floosh, fucking SLUTPIG! I got $108 and finished the day down about $165 in total.

Today, ive played about 8 hours of poker and made $1050, wahooo. I basically just sat here waited for the nuts and then blasted, it works everytime. Nah seriously, i felt like i played really good today. I did flop monsters but played them good, i bluffed, both successfully and sometime unsuccessful and just found a way to win like i usually do, might post some HH's tomorrow. Got some other shit to blog about concerning future poker plans etc but im bord now so goodnight fishlings ;-)

Just played about one hour on the old cash tarbs and had abit of well deserved luck with the pocket 6's. In total i made $600 but logged off as i have got a couple of things to sort out. Im gonna play some more tonight, hopefully i can catch a few more flops like these bard boys.......

Small donation with the devil v AK hi lol

I run soooo good, ahahaha. I did have a few bad beats aswell, honestly. Any session small or large without the odd beat dont feel right. I actually had AA cracked aipf by k10 on one hand lol, and also turned a floosh and get it all in only to see some muthalicker with top 2 pr up on the riveee, grrr. I ain't complaining thou, nice little relaxing hour of poker.

Yesterday i played abit aswell after the nightmare of Tuesday night when i dumped off $900. My cup Semi-Final was rained off and will now be replayed tomorrow which i am looking forward to. In a way i was glad it got called off, i werent really in the mood after losing all that dosh. I played about 30 minutes in the afternoon breaking even, but came off as i was shattered and had a short snooze. In the evening i just minced watched the footy and randomly played a few rounds of $3/6 limit poker with my man Mr Cea. I was lucky enough to catch a few flops but played them well also managing to make $128 bucks in total which i'll add to Aprils monthly total. Im off now fish, laters.