Mirco-limit MTT fish UKGatsby has his monthly Gatsby awards, Narena, one of the best $1/2 cash game fishee's around has his Muppet of the week awards and top UK tourn fishay Moorman has his Donk of the week award so i thought id introduce an award of my own entitled... absolute mother fucking wanker of the week award. The first fish to be inducted into my absolute mother fucking wanker of the week hall of fame goes to this bastard for his genius play against me tonight, where the fook do these mutha lickers come from?? lol. As you can guess tonight has been a pretty fruitless occasion. I played for 5 hours and at my highest point i had about a 400 buck profit but finished up with a mere $68 profit aswell as also cashing in $100 in party points.

Last Thursday was a much better session which saw me win $1050. On Friday i think i won about $150 in a short session and then went out for a few light ales. I didnt exaclty get hammered but prolly had about 8 or 9 beers. The night was abit shit tbh, it was really dead in town so i came home early at about midnight partly because i had to be up for Go-Karting in the morning and didnt wanna feel too ruff. On the Saturday morning i nearly didnt make it because i did feel abit hungover plus id had very little sleep so i detoxed my entire body by pissing, puking, shitting, sweating, spitting and spunking all waste products out of my system lol. I felt ok after my detox and the Go-Karting was a good crack. I proper suck cock when it comes to these things, im a really shit driver and finished about 8th overall out of the 13 peeps that went. Not nearly as bad as my housemate Scotch though who finished 13th lol and three of the thirteen peeps where birds ahahaha.

On Sunday i went round my parents gaff for abit and then watched them bastard yido's win the League cup round my mate Mizon's gaff. Me and Miz played abit of ISS pro Evolution on his comp whilst i was round there which brought back some good memories. We played one of the old classic versions which i used to dominate back in the day. I never met any fish who could beat me at that game, i was the fucking daddy. In between smoking, drinking, the occasional shagging and bits of studying that was practically all i did at Uni for four years, ahhh greeeet days!

When i got home that little fish JJay was at my flat and we both played in the BritBloggerment together for a laugh and that lucky little mincer went and won it. I think i busted in 5/18 although had my aq won a coinflip i would have busted JJay up real bad, that fish plays sooo weak. I also played in a $22 Rebuy tourn busting out with K10 on a K105 board, did i ever mention that i HATE tourns! Didint play any proper poker that night i couldn't be arsed although i did receive a nice $500 bonus which was pretty sweet.

In regards to some of those challenge's you fish set me after my post last week there are two i recieved after chatting to a couple of peeps via msn that seem quite appealing. The first was from that donk Ed Hollis who proposed that i try and earn at least $1k a day for 10 days at all sorts of limits with a -$600 stop loss for each day, i reckon i could do that no problems. The other challenge came from Animal who suggested i use 5% of each of my monthly winnings to sat into major live stuff, i reckon i might give this a crack aswell, Animal qualifys for loadsa wicked packages so why can't i?

However, my whole poker outlook and 'career' if you like might be taking a big change in the near future. I can't be bothered to explain atm because its 7am and im fooked so it will have to wait for now, i bet the suspense is gonna kill you fish lol. Oh thats another thing, my sleeping pattern is fucked again. After two weeks of waking up and going to sleep like normal fish im back to my zero routine and zero structure lifestyle but like i said that will have to change...

Monthly Profit = $7000

Annual Profit = $13,200

What a fucking rollercoaster today has been, it feels like it has been a complete waste of time, fucking nightmares! lolol....

The day got off to a great start and saw me basically mince in my wank sack for about one hour after i woke up and make just under $600 before the poker gods decided to take a massive dump on my head! I started to play again early in the evening and have only just logged off at 3am slightly battered after whats probably been the longest and toughest session of poker i have played in many months. This hand basically sums it all up, are you kidding me lol. Thing is i knew when all the chips were flying on the flop exactly what everyone of the three fish had but i was already all in. Had i been in a different position i honestly would have folded i promise, but it was too late and the way the hand played out meant that i was doomed. Where's my 8 on the rivee ffs!

To cut short a very tedious and painful story i lost $1200 which represents quite a significant loss for me atm playing $1/2. However, i battled on like a true warrior and managed to make back about $500, which meant after the twenty billion hands i've played and the twenty billion dollars worth of dosh i made in rake for them bastards at Party Poker i finished the day down a mere $100. In fact i played sooo many hands today that i generated $90 bucks worth in pp points so i suppose i finished the day evens although it feels like i've lost a quite few quid and also a few years off my life.

Monday night i shizzed off $100 in a few little donkaments and SnGs, busting in one 90 man $26 doll tourn in 11th when my AK was no good against KJ, i HATE tourns lol. On Tuesday i grinded out a $150 win in about 3 hrs, so my progress this week has been complete toilet. Fuck me this has been a whinging post, sorry fish. Oh well back to the tarbles again tomorrow i guess, its my job ain't it :-) I'll come back to all those challenges in another post, can't be bovved now, keep em coming though, laters.

I need a challenge, something to keep me entertained until my holiday on March 2nd. Im getting abit bored of the current cash grind and need to do something different, you fish got any suggestions??? Im sooo fucking bord atm, maybe i need a bird or summat although i kinda lose interest once i've blurted my load lol, nah jokes. Anything, some sort of 10 day challenge or something involving SnGs, MTT'S, cash, HU anything! Give me some ideas please fish. I just played 30 mins won about $200 and now im bored again. I've got hobbies etc... i go to the gym, play for a 5 a side footy team, coach and manage my old college football team, RedTube alot aswell as getting ball bagged on the odd occasion and sometimes getting hold of a Kathay Liebert lookalike, although i aint had any real good action for a few months now lol :-( Oh yeah and this blog is kind of a hobby aswell, keeps me amused anyways. Bordy bloody bordddddddddd!!! Thank fuck for my snowboarding holiday in a couple weeks, going Go-Karting on Saturday aswell which should be a crack. Bord bord bord bord bord bord bord.......... All suggestions/ideas welcome even the inevitable stupid ones from the like of Seymour, Cad, Pudding, Cogs

Monthly Profit = $5,100

Annual Profit = $11,350

I've played alot of poker the last 3 days and also kinda started smoking again lol. Firstly to Tuesday when i went fucking ballistic.....

Got up from my wank pit early doors and went to the gym in a very good mood. Done my ususal faggot 1 hour workout which was interrupted by some old bastard to tell me that i look ike John Terry lol. Fuck me, if i had 1 pence from every slutpig who said i reminded them of JT i'd have about 20 pence by now, at least! I only wish i could play footy like the Chelsea scum bag. When i got home me and Scotch absolutely blitzed my flat from top to bottom, I mean we gave it a real good scrub. If them bitches Kim and Aggy came over the only bacteria they could have possibly found would have been the micro organisms living on the end of Scotch's bell end, the place almost looked brand new. During the cleaning frenzy i recieved a call from the rip off solictor cunts who were dealing with my the completion on my mortgage. Apparently i still owed them another ton!! I went fucking mad. I dont ususal swear at people down the phone but i tore into this bitch down the line. I wont go into details but it was their fuck up but i still reluctantly paid off yet more of my hard earned dosh to the bastards, them fuckers seriously clean you out. Anyways i was sooo angry and stressed about my mortgage because its be going on for some time now that i started smoking again. I had found 10 Bensons whilst cleaning my flat and pretty much ended up chain smoking the lot lol. I've never been a massive smoker (apart from my uni days) and sort of quit 2 years ago but these ciggies were lovely lol. I've had a few more since but not smoked for the last 2 days, i ain't gonna buy any put it that way. Actually i've been abit ill the past two days with a fucked up throat, im sure the smokes have contributed, they are dirty things tbh. Anyways I'd chilled out by the evening and played footy for my 5 aside team scoring the winner so its all grovvay.

On Wednesday i played about 5 hrs on the cash tarbs and ended up winning about 400 dimes. I played a few hands versus that dirrrtay scouse fish Rossi and i think i ended up losing about $200 to the theiving bastard, im sure he had the nuts evey fucking time ;-) In the evening i went out for a curry with a load of the boys in Ricky. Im not really a big curry man but it was a good crack with good banter etc. Im going out with all the lads again tommorrow night for my mate Glen's b'day to Windsor. Been out on the piss there once before, loadsa nice bars etc and a few posh tottay, should be a good laugh.

On Thursay i had the siiiiickest session of the year thus far. The beats were reeeedickulous!! I was actually sad enough to keep a record of the beats for my blog but ill spare you fish the details. I hate reading blogs where fish whinge about there misfortune at the tarbs but i ended up losing $1500-2000 bucks in potage to 2 outers 3 outers, rear entries flooshes runner runner str8's blahhhhh ahahaha. UN FUCKING REAL! I somehow ended up only losing just under $100 bucks in 6.5 hrs. I really don't know how tbh, it could have been a very profitable session, sigh.

Grinded my tits off again today and again it was a really tough session with more beats aswell as some shit play by yours trulay :-) I played about 6-7 hours or so and in total finished down $200. Determined to make a profit i logged back on for 2 more hours and went on abit of a rush quickly winning $900 before logging off with a $500 profit for the day. Hard fucking work!Monthly profit $4.7k, annual profit $10.9k. Laters.

I've got a few things to write about but i cannot be asked to update this ghey blog atm, laters.

Bit of a brag post but fuck it. Just played 3 hrs and made a nice $1100 bucks babay! Yesterday i set myself a minimum requirement for the week ahead of breaking the $10k barrier in pokay earnings for the year but i just achieve that in one little sweet session this afternoon. Hopefully i can push on now and make another $4-5k before i go on my snowboarding holiday in three weeks. I need all the dosh i can get my grubby little paws on atm because i just whacked off over £16k on my mortgage this morning, thats alot of fucking double ups on $1/2!!!

No birthday rumps last night but i had a decent time out with the boys. Me, Cooks, Malaaar, Glen, Sam, Camp Dan, Danny B, Bill, Mizon and Dazza met up in Ricky for a few beers and then went to a few bars in St Albans before going to the club Batchwood. I basically ended up getting wrecked and bumping into a bird i know called Lucy and chewed her face off abit aswell as some other random bird at the end of the night called Carla lol, its all fun n games :-)

The only poker i have played since my last post is a few faggot $5.50, 45 man SnGays on Stars as part of some little challenge on the RtR forum. You have to play 15 of these things where you score a certain number of points according to the position you finish. The fish who gets the most points after 15 games wins 10 bucks off all the other fish who entered the challange, so far i have had mixed results with my best positions being a 5th in game 3 and a 1st in game 7. Gonna try and hit the tarbs hard this week and at the very least break the $10k profit mark for the year. Laters.

Cheers for all the birthday greetings fish and thanks to cousin Kirbs for the 5 bucks. This week has been ok i guess, im still waking up earlyish and going to bed at a decent time plus im still winning and keeping busy ish. On Tuesday i won about $850 in 2.5 hrs in the afternoon then played abit 5 a side footy, winning 4-2 i think. Wednesday i didnt play but received a few dimes in rakeback. I was too fooked to play any pokes after my college footy team experienced its worst ever defeat. We got done 4-0 to St. Charles who had Jermaine Defoe's nephew playing upfront, gg wp. They fucking destroyed us tbh and now we basically just have to just re-group and get sorted for our cup semi next month. It was pretty awful actually i and ended up telling one of the students to stfu and called him a dickhead on the mini bus back home in front of the whole team lol. Can't be asked to explain why but a few words needed to be said, its all good.

On Thursday i was fucking pissed off for a few hrs because of a load of shit regarding bills, bills, bills. How the fuck people live off normal salaries i will never know. Thank fuck for poker!! I played for about 4 hrs after my strop and made exactly $500 then went to the gym. Today everyhthing was goin sweet. I sorted some of my shit regarding all these fucking bills which was a relief although it still aint fully sorted then logged on and made $600 in 3.5 hrs. Done my gym thing again and then returned to the cyber felt losing $420 in one hour. I logged off after the hour, sensible thing to do as i was getting a bit hot, i fucking HATE losing.

Gonna get wankered tomorrow i reckon, really fuck myself up and just chat shit lol. Monthly profit, $2,650. Annual profit $8,900. Sorry for the lazy post, laters.

... happy birthday to me, happy birthday dear Amatay... happy birthday to me!!! I'm 28 years young today. Please send all your birthday gifts to Amatay on Full Tilt Poker, cheers :-)

Errr probably not but for the last three days i've amazingly gone to sleep at about 12-1am and woke up between 8 and 9am!!! At least i've started to show some signs of structure in my little life. Following on from my last post in which i quickly made $500 in the space of about 30 minutes in the early hours of Friday i logged back on and basically bust it all in amount 20 mins lol. However, i made it all back with an extra $350ish on top before logging off at midday after about 4 hrs at the cyber felt with a nice $850 profit to kick start the new month. I had a break for lunch and then for some very gay reason i found myself sitting on ShittyWoods playing nl $50 HU??? I dunno wtf i was doing tbh but i wasted about 2 hrs of potential decent table time at nl $200 and also ended up down about $170, pointless! Didn't play anymore after that, i was pretty much like a zombie for the rest of the day having been awake since midnight lol.

I was still fucked on Saturday actually but managed to crawl out of bed at about 9am and go to the gym. Did fuck all for the rest of day, pretty bollocks really. Sunday morning and it was same again, up at 9am and then gym. Went round my old dears gaff for a nice roast and then just minced with Scotch and JJay for abit. Played two faggot £11 quid SnGays on Woods whilsting showing JJay the art of poker and placed 1st and 3rd for a £48 squid prof.

Today, i actually arose frm my wank pit at 7am!!! I hadn't shit the bed or nothing like that, i was just wide awake, very peculiar lol Played 3 hrs this morning and was up about $500 bucks but somehow that slowly 'dissappeared' i dont really remember losing any decent sized pots actually, fuck knows where it went lol. Oh well, logged off with a $170 profit anyway for my efforts. Im bored now, fucking bored. Bored bored bored!!!

Actually im not a changed man at all, im a cunt. Shit title and shit post but im gonna post it anyways. In a strange mood. Might go gym and then get wrecked down the pub or summat, fuck poker.

Fuck me im all over the place at the moment lol. Went to sleep at 6am on Thursday morning and slept until midnight so i missed the whole day and had about 18 hours of shut eye!! Stayed up through the night, made myself out some pukka munch, scrubbed my bollocks, tidied my flat and also sorted out a few errands. Played about 30-45 minutes of poker at about 5am and made a nice $500 profit. Played cash on FTP for the first time ever and won a beautiful $500+ pot when i flopped the nootlings and got action from three others fishee's with one of the poor bastard blowing his load with a diamond draw and for once missing the turn and river. A nice start to the month. Im buzzing atm actually, feeling good. Gonna play a few more hours in a minute i think once i've finished writing this shit blog and munched my Maccay D's breakfast. Thats right fish, im living the dream babay ahahaha.

I was going to write one of those gay detailed monthly review posts that other bloggers do but i can't be asked lol. Basically, i think i underachieved and need to do better. Maybe im too harsh on myself, maybe i actually had a good month, time will tell i guess. In January i made $6250 bucks which includes a bit of rake back and a few bonuses although im dissappointed at the amount of hours i put in. I dont know exactly how many hrs i played and will defo keep a better track of that in the future although it was definately nowhere near my proposed 40+ hours per week. Im a lazy bum and need to play more plus i need to get some sort of structure in my life. Nothing too rigid just something like going to bed no later than 3am and waking up no later than midday will do lol. I managed to get my lazy ass in the gym a total of 10 times in Jan which aint too bad, but i think i should be aiming for around 15 times so again no good enough. I need to keep up the exercise anyways because i'll end up looking like Greg Raymer otherwise.

I think im going to continue playing most of my poker on the crypto network and FTP in the future. Lots of fish talk about the softest of PP and i agree it is a soft but most sites are soft imo. At the end of the day poker is poker and i can beat any fish on any site at my little faggot limits plus i will get the rakeback incentive that PP doesn't provide. Right, time to hit the tarbles again me thinks, laters.

Wahooooooo, get the fuck it there!!! Can't get a better feeling than beating them dirrrtay scouse coounts (sorry Rossi, calm doon) apart from flopping the noots, turning the noots and hitting the noots on the river babay, oh and of course that nice warm tingling feeling you get right before your about to blow your load! Actually i nearly blew my load when Marky Noble banged home that pen in the last minute! Fucking love it! I hate Liverpool. Up yours Carragher, i hate that muthalicker. Waaaaahoooooooooooo!

Not as much to shout about on the poker front. Played alittle last night and quite abit tonight with shit results. I basically broke even with the help of a couple of bonuses on woods and PP. Annual profit now $6250. Up the hammers!!!!

Body clock is fuckkkkked, again!!! lol Woke up nice and early today at about 4pm lol, spent about an hour in the gym then basically just sat on my ass talking poker, watching poker and errr playing poker, makes a fucking change dunnit. Just minced on Shittywoods mainly playing two tarbs of $1/2 whilst chatting to and railing other fisheee's. I had quite a good result tonight actually winning just short of $900 buckeroooo's. However, that fish Kenn must have won over $11k tonight the bastard. I just watched him come really close to two final tarbs on both PS and PP and then the jammy fook went and won $10.4k in some tourn on FTP, fair fuckin play mate. I might set a few grand aside for some MTT action i reckon, have like a roll for cash and a roll for MTT's or something and see how i get on because that fish Kenn is an absolute donk! :-)

I also might start playing on Woods abit more actually, im starting to like it there plus the rake back i receive is excellent. However, the play is probably abit better than pp and the traffic is only decent at certain times. I might combine PP and woods i think, defo worth it for the rakeback i reckon, i need to take more advantage of rake back now im a full time fish. Dont think im gonna bother goin to sleep tonight, its fast approaching 6am now as it is lol. Gonna try and sort out a few errands, although i'll prolly start getting abit dozy by 10-11am. I really need to get some sort of structure and routinue, anything!!! However, the reality is thats it highly unlikely. Your a cock Jones! Annual winnings are just over $6200 atm. Night/morning fish.

I went to Wimbledon Dogs last night with a bunch of other fish for my mate Nick's birthday. About 15 of us gotta minibus down there and although we missed the first three races it was a good crack, something abit different. Because im now known amongst friends as 'mr gamboooolar' i felt somewhat obliged to have slightly bigger and more riskier bets than everyone else. So after placing a tenner on the 4th race and getting butt fucked on the line for a nice early win i decided to up the stakes alitte whilst my mates were placing faggot £1 and £2 quid bets. For the remaining 9-10 races i was placing £18 bets on always trio combinations which basically involve picking 3 doggies from the 6 racing and hoping that the bastards all finish in the top 3 in any order, mmmm should be easy enough. Well, after about 5 races i was stuck just short of a ton grrrr. Its strange how it seems to piss you off that little bit more when its real money actually slipping through your hands as opposed to the dosh you jizz off in the cyber world. With 3 races left and with me slighty on tilt and alittle boozay i stuck another £18 trio always bet on the 3 faves in race 11 which gave me a win of £54, only a small return but finally a win ffs. Next race another £18 trio always bet but this time i didnt back all the favourites and boooooom £120 for Amatay. I bunged another score on the last race with no luck and finished the night up just over £50, i like this gamboling marlarky :-)

After the dogs most of us went out for more beers in Watford which was ok, nothing great. I bumped into my mate Rob aswell as that bird and her mates that i mentioned in a previous post who had named me Podium Boy lol. I thought i was on for some rumps but i ended up home alone and decided it would be a smart idea to play some pissed pokes. For some reason my game of choice was £.50/1 heads up poker on ShittyWoods. I really got into it actually and ended up playing some muthalicker from Miami for about 3 hours lol. I most have won about 75% of the pots against this fish but he won the majority of the biggish pots mainly from outrageous suck outs. Its weird when you play HU, kinda like the money dont matter anymore and it becomes sort of personal, i really wanted to bust this bastard for every penny he had lol. The coount doubled through me a few times but i knew i was the better fishee. So, despite being desperate for a piss i continued to play him and eventually grinded the biatch from £220 down to £25. I politely asked the stupid yank to wait for one mintue and i'll be back because my bladder could no longer take the pain. After pissing like a racehorse i returned to find that my new American friend had vamoooshed. BASTARD, i knew he was gonna do that, I wanted that last £25 lol. His name was Glennsan if any of you fish want some 'free' money, hopefully i'll see him at the tarbs again soon. I ended the night with a profit of £82, the rakes a killer playing HU and eventually i went to sleep at about 8am lolol.

The night before my dogging adventures i played a load of HU, SH and mainly FR poker on pp. It was probably my most unluckiest night of the year thus far, utter sickness. It should have easily been a $1k+ night but i ended up with a $50 loss on the cash tarbs aswell as busting in two MTT's costing $125 combined. However, a $200 bonus and $50 for pp points meant i finished the night with about an $80 profit. Annual winnings now stand at $5,550, hopefully i can get this above the $7k mark before the end of the month, latay.

EDIT: Cant sleep blah blahhhhh. Played and won the bloggerment tonight and for some reason just pissed about playing 1 tarb of $1/2 on ShiityWoods and lost $200 whilst chatting to that fish Tim aka BrainChylde from RtR. I had this one hand that has really pissed me off tonight. Here is the hand. Tim the fish thinks i probably made a bad fold, maybe's he right. WTF do you fish do in this spot in a cash game? I know all about hand ranges blah blah blah and what he's possible holdings are etc. The fish had just joined the tarble and i have never played the coount before so no information in that respect. Whats your play here? Narena, Cottlad, State0fmind and any other fish that read this ghey blog i would appreicate your comments please. JJay, with all due respect you don't need to bother m8 ;-) lol. Night world.