Got completely ball bagged last night, absolutely wankered! Went out for mate Darrens b'day with a load of the lads. Firstly, we went to some seedy strip pub place, the ones where you bascially stick one nug in a jar and some old tart get her boobs and flange out for abit, which is always a rather pleasing sight. Next up we drunk about millions shot of all sorts of shit in the Slug and Lettuce in St Albans and then ended up in a club called Batchwood. It was an ok night although i almost ended up smacking my 'mate' Baxter in the chops. I was fucking angry with that cunt, i can't be bovved to explain but i should have given him a slap. No one really likes him that much tbh and nights out just ain't the same when he's there, the whole dynamic of the group changes. I don't not like many people but this muthalicker gets on my tits sometimes, grrrr.

For some reason i stupidly agreed to play football the next morning. I thought it was just a quick game of 5-a-side but it turns out i was roped into playing some charity tournmant. So i woke up at about 8am after about 3-4 hrs of shut eye still completely wasted and played this tournament all morning and early afternoon. When we all got there all the other teams had kits on and shit and we all basically bowled in looking like a bunch of pissed cunts which wasn't a good sign and i was fearing the worst. Luckily the standard wasn't that good and we finished top of the table but had to play a final versus the 2nd place team which we fucking lost courtesy of an own goal from yours truelay lol. We were 1-0 up and i decided to plant a beautiful header past our own keeper and into the bottom corner. It was a great finish tbh and we eventually lost 3-1. Oh well, it was a good crack and im glad i went although the organisers announced at the end that they had raised £60 for charity?? I was like wtf £60 quid, i would have paid them more than just to stay in bed ffs.

On the poker front there is not much to report as usual. I havent played for the last 3 days accept for the BritBloggerment tonight which i took down babay!!! In regard to the SnGays i've played summat like 260 games which is appalling but made $2.6k which is very good. I've now got a nice rotating gold star next to my name on SharkScope which i am rather chuffed about. If you want to watch a 6 handed SnG master at work then i can be found under the name amatay on FTP. Laters!

I need some help please fish. Im in limbo right now, a kinda general life limbo but mainly in a sort of poker limbo. I dunno what to do? What games to play?? I need a structure, a routine, a set number of hrs etc?? Ahhh what to do what to do??? mmmmmm, any suggestions fishays?? I've completely lost the plot the last few months. I've made most of my dosh from full ring $1/2 cash games over the years, im alright playing 6 max cash, abit of a tourn donk but i still think im in profit tournnament wise and im gonna improve, good at HU and an SnG master. I need to knuckle down and win some money in the second half of the year. Help meeeeee!

In regards to my staking offer i made last week i've decided the successful winner is........ da da da da da da darrrrr.... Amatay! That's right fish, although i was genuine in my staking offer at the time i've decided what is the point?? I need the fucking dosh anyways what with bills bills bills coming ooot of my ass hole, im going broke. Sorry fish, but at the end of the day those individuals with good stats etc might aswell play themselves instead of giving up their time and 50% of potential profits. Im off, gotta go buy a fucking washing machine ffs, laters

I need some help please fish. Im in limbo right now, a kinda general life limbo but mainly in a sort of poker limbo. I dunno what to do? What games to play?? I need a structure, a routine, a set number of hrs etc?? Ahhh what to do what to do??? mmmmmm, any suggestions fishays?? I've completely lost the plot the last few months. I've made most of my dosh from full ring $1/2 cash games over the years, im alright playing 6 max cash, abit of a tourn donk but i still think im in profit tournnament wise and im gonna improve, good at HU and an SnG master. I need to knuckle down and win some money in the second half of the year. Help meeeeee!

In regards to my staking offer i made last week i've decided the successful winner is........ da da da da da da darrrrr.... Amatay! That's right fish, although i was genuine in my staking offer at the time i've decided what is the point?? I need the fucking dosh anyways what with bills bills bills coming ooot of my ass hole, im going broke. Sorry fish, but at the end of the day those individuals with good stats etc might aswell play themselves instead of giving up their time and 50% of potential profits. Im off, gotta go buy a fucking washing machine ffs, laters

I have got to be the laziest full time poker playing fish on the planet!! I play less poker now its my job than ever before. I reckon since turning 'full time' in January i have played about 20 hrs a week on average if that. WTF is that all about??? Huh??? Cunt Jones, you are a lazy CUNT! As a result i make a bare living from this game and my savings and the dosh i earned as a part time fish are slowly bleeding away. I got money pissing away all over the place. My boiler broke the other day, £180, my oven broke, £400 and my washing machine is the new one atm, its fucked. I've had the same white boxer shorts on since Saturday and white ain't exactly a good colour when your washing machine is on the blink. Had to pop round the old dears gaff today and get her to do a bit of washing for me. Hopefully she didn't notice the skid marks or the crusty cum stained wank socks for that matter. Its just little things like that, its all building up, slowly eating away at my savings whilst im not earning enough dough to cover the costs. I've got about $15k flying around in cyber space atm, i need to sort that out big time and get it all together and keep track of it better, i've got to be more professional! I have got to play more poker and be more disciplined.

I think im gonna try and go on alittle detox aswell atm. Try and eat abit better and not get pissed up. I spent alot of dough when i was with that turkish bird and i prolly do about £70-100 everytime i go out on the lash. I got fucking ball bagged with Scotch on Saturday first in Rickmansworth and then Watford. It was an ok night nothing special its just i had the worst hangover ever on Sunday which meant i couldn't/didn't want to/couldn't be bovved to play any pokes. The only memorable thing about that night was Scotch slagging off some bird who was in fancy dress as some sort of army girl because she stank of BO, only for him to be gnawing her face off 2 minutes later. Fuck me she was ruff, and she did stinkkkkkkkk! Fairplay Scotch lol.

Another thing that happened the other day is that i have been summoned to fucking court because i didnt pay my council tax, whoops. Its the second time i've had to go to court for this now, im such a cock. All you do is turn up for like 2 minutes and a few old bastards basically call you a cunt and provided i pay £100 court costs and my council tax for the year in full (about £1.3k) in the next few days then they will just tell me to fuck off, cheers, thanks alot!

Seriously though, more poker Jones, play more poker you lazy bastard. There's a geezer who i sometimes chat to online who sorted me out with the BadBeat thing a while back who i have never met but he seems like a top bloke. He's always calling me a cunt and telling me i have gotta stop treating it like a jolly and get more serious and he's right. This geezers name is Matt and it seems like he has got it sussed and im gonna try and follow hes approach to poker abit more in the next 6 months.

Of course, i have virtually nothing to report pokerwise atm because i haven't played. Fuck all today, fuck all yesterday and before that a few random SnG's here and there lol. Oh i did play in a $109 tourn yesterday on PP. It was for my mate who had basically lost connection and asked me to play for him which i find kinda difficult, but i done my best. There was about 150 starters and 50 odd left when i picked up pock neufs in this hand. I was chatting to my mate on the fone at the time and he told me what to do. I probably play it the same way tbh. I knew there was a chance he was trapping but what can you do?? Do you fish play it differently?? Gotta love the running quads babay, i run sooo good...for my mates lol. Heres another hand that occurred with about 24 fish left, top 20 cashed btw. Do you play this the same way? What do you think he had?? I lose chips like this alot in tournaments. Should i raise less pre and bet more post?? Anyway very next hand i picked up 99 again and shoved into 10's, no running quads this time. I felt quite bad, sorry Adam mate, i suck. Right, that will do for now, i'll reveal who the lucky fish that im gonna stake is in my next post, laters.

Well i've pretty much given up on my stupid prop bet challenge today. That's right, i've gone from focused and motivated to just feeling blahhhhh in about 24 hrs. I wrote alittle bit about why in this post. I still maintain it is very achievable but whatever, maybe double or quits for July? lol. I actually made my way onto the Sharkscope leaderboard in the last few weeks. Search any game 5-6 seated, $16-35 and average profit for last 500 games. Im number 1 on FTP and number 11 over all the sites and that's despite running like an utter cunt in the last 70 odd games. I thought that was quite cool tbh, it gave me a small boner anyways, although i've lost the shark fin that was swimming next to my name and now i've got some gay rotating silver star thing, i liked that little shark. I reckon i could get to number 1 for total Profit 2008 at these stakes no problem, maybe i will give it ago?

I wrote a small post on the RTR forum today saying that i would stake a micro limit donk $100-200 (ain't decided yet) to play whatever games they want, i.e ten $10 180 games or something?? 50/50 on any profit minus the original stake. I know i know, I'm such a generous fish. Obviously if you lose the dosh then you owe me nothing, although i might send my housemate Scotch around to your gaff to stab you in the face. If anyone out there wants abit of Amatay Charitay and would like me to stake them this money then leave me a comment about what you propose to do with it and also some evidence that you're not a complete donk and actually win some money at this game, i.e. your username. If you would prefer me to email you then leave your addy or PM me on either the RTR or Blonde forum. If it all goes well i might start building a staking empire. If i can win some mooolar without actually logging on and playing these retards myself then reeesult. Goodnight fish, sleep tight.

For the first time in a long long time i finally have some focus and motivation pokerwise. I've had little direction recently both in poker and life in general tbh but this challenge has done what it was initially intended to do, to get me playing and to make some dough. Like i said in a previous post i just wish i had played alot more in the first week. This challenge is very achievable, in fact if i could go back to the start of the month i would have taken alot more action. I was planning on capping the betting at $2k anyway but i reckon i could have taken over $5k in bets, probably more.

This SnG challenge is fucking boring though, i feel abit shit right now actually, not been going to the gym and not done anything really other than piss about online and play SnGays. Oh, I've also been chatting to my turkish delight bird abit both on msn and skype. She's fucking lovely, didn't think i'd miss her but we really clicked, i felt abit empty when she went back to Stockholm. Had abit on online cyber sex with her the other day lol, fucking wicked. She can be a right dirty bastard when she wants to be. I got so excited i accidentally splashed some of my harry onto my laptop, the control button is abit fucked up now lol. I was gonna knock another one out shortly afterwards but my housemate Scotch almost caught me mid-wank so i kinda lost the moment. Right, back to the SnGaylords, laters.

For some sick reason my ego still believes i can pull this stupid $10k prop bet off. I think all the fish who told me and showed me stats etc to illustrate what an 'impossible' challenge this was affected my motivation big time and made me almost give up before i started. I've only played about 110 games so far which is shocking really. However, I have made just under $1000 in total in that time and i reckon i can maintain that rate. Im gonna play 1 million 33 doll SnGays in the next 20 days and 20 nights, i can do this. Anyone wanna bet me??? lol

A couple of weeks ago i met this bird called Darya who in my slightly ball bagged state i originally thought was Swedish but its turns out she lives in Sweden and is actually Turkish lol. Anyways about 10 days ago we arranged to meet and went to a bar called Revolution and basically had a wicked time together. When i get the ladies into a heads up confrontation i can usually use all my psychological powers and we just clicked tbh, i didn't really have to force the action. We had quite abit in common although i had trouble explaining to her what implied odds were, how to make a squeeze play on the fishays deep in a tourn and what a check schummie all in on the semi bloof was with middle pair and a gootling! It was abit too much inforamtion tbh and so I didn't even bother getting into details about when the fish hit miracle runner runner rear fucking entry floosh's on ya when you flop top set. After Rev's we had a few more drinks in Kandy Klub, abit of a kiss and a cuddle (awww) and left it at that. I didn't see her for about another week or so because she was busy and i was getting balled in geordie land (bit more on that later) but we did arrange to meet for a second time....

On the second date she really wanted to play pool for some reason because apparently she used to be pretty good lol. She was staying in Watford for 3 months and had seen and been to all the clubs and bars and wanted to go somewhere different i think. So, being the romantic old deeevil i am i took her to Rileys to shoot some poolage. She was fucking shit!!! Why are birds sooo crap at virtually everything they do!! Her first question bless her was.... how do you hold a cue? I reckon even my housemate Scotch could have beaten her and he is fucking poop when it comes to playing pool. One thing that is tough when you play birds at pool is getting that kinda balance where you wanna look good and show her your pool skills etc but you don't wanna come across as an arrogant tosser and just thrash them! Also, you can't just blatantly miss balls and let them win, that's no good either and you have to look interested even though it can get fucking tedious when they can't even hit the fooking cue ball let alone the cue ball onto the object ball. I felt like a fucking teacher again and i was trying to teach her where to strike the balls and the angles etc. I made a few jokes sort of accidentally about how you need to lightly kiss the balls in certain spots which brought a cheekay little smile to both her face and mine. All i could think about whilst she was continually missing every shot was how i wished she was kissing my balls. We didn't get pissed this time as i was driving and again we had abit of a kiss and a cuddle (awwwww) and i took her home. Next time we met up was this Saturday just after i made that stupid drunken prop bet challenge (dickhead Jones) and i needed a drink so I took her out into Rickmansworth just for something different and we had the perfect night...

We went to a place called the Urban Vine where they had a live band playing and it was wicked. Im not usually into my live bands but these lot were pretty good and belted out loadsa top tunes. Darya's abit of a rock chick type of a bird and i love all that shit aswell and we just had a blast. After Urban Vine we had one in Staples bar and then went to Baraka in Watford where it was $25 fucking quid for entry and two vodka coke's, disgusting!!! We spent most of the time chewing each other faces off in Baraka, she's a wicked kisser. I hate it when birds either dont open their fucking mouth's fully or she just bite your head off, Darya was perfect. I had the raging horn all night and it felt like my 12 inches was gonna explode any minute.

She ended up staying the night at my gaff, finally a rump for Amatay!!! I ain't gonna go into details like i kinda have in some of my previous posts about past rumps so put your wank socks away you dirrrtay bastards. I thought she was gonna be really shy tbh but she had some good moves on her lol, another mis-read from Amatay. I really like her, she is beautiful imo, we get on great and it seems we have alot in common. She is back in Stockholm now and its unlikely i'll ever see her again, im abit gutted :-( I guess it would have been alot worse had i met her 3 months ago when she first came over to England. Oh well, we exchanged msn addy's etc, maybe i'll paths will cross again some time in the future who knows.

Quick little bit about Newcastle. I went there last weekend for two nights with 6 mates for a piss up and to celebrate Bill's 25th b'day. I can't be bovved to get into details and there's some stuff that happened there that i can't blog about but we had a wicked time, very funny. I was really surprised by Newcastle, i thought it was gonna be a dump but it looked really nice and modern. We stayed in a a travel lodge in Quayside by the Tyne. We basically got balled non-stop and had a right crack. Places i remember include Trebles, Baha, Sea errrr Fever. Oh, one thing that was shit is that we missed our train because we are all a load of cocks and had to fork out another 70 odd quid for another ticket, knobs! No one got any rumps out there (gay) but my mate Darren pulled a few milfs lol. He's a crazy bastard, he don't care. He pulls absolute stunner's and by stunners i mean immaculate looking birds but he's also rumped some birds that probably resemble summat like Kathay Liebert early in the morning after a heavy night out on the lash. Right, that's enough of writing this bullshit, i got some $33 SnGay's to play, laters.

Ok, i've taken $1535 in bets, although the damage could have been alot worse. Good job YorkyPud came to the rescue and explained to my dumb ass that this was basically impossible, where the fuck were you on Friday lol. For those fish who don't realise how tough this challenge is go to sharkscope and click on the leaderboard down the left-hand side. Then, click on any game 5-6 seated, $16-$35 stakes, fetch, and then check out the fish called andyh26 for example. Oh well, nevermind, i just keeping pissing laughing myself tbh, you crazy cunt Jones. Click the link above for regular updates, laters

All betting is closed, deffo lol. The fish below are the one's who have paid (i think) and are in. I've just realised that its almost impossible, i guess i should have done my research, doh! Im the laughing stock of the poker world!! After reviewing some stuff on Sharkscope (search the leaderboard) if i were to do this i would basically be the no. 1 SnG fish on FTP. Also, if i do pull this off then i should get a fucking contract as a FTP red pro lol. I'll do well to get near $7k i think. Oh well, at worst i reckon i make $5k, about $1k in rake back and lose about $1.5k in bets. Im off to go and get drunk with that Swedish bird i pulled the other week. Hopefully she'll suck my knob and ease the pain, laters!!!

EDIT: There is a sick part of me that still believes i can pull this off. However, i'll prolly be too hungover to play tomorrow so that's one day down the shitbox.

Got ball bagged again last night and probably rather stupidly challenged some fish on the RTR forum that i could not make a $10,000 profit just from playing short handed 33 doll SnGay's on FTP in the month of June. Anyways, i've decided fuck it lets do this! Anyone wanna bet against me? Any amount between $5-$100 per person. You have to be someone who either has a regular blog, someone who often leave's comments and that i feel as though i can trust or a regular RTR or Blonde forum member. Of course you can all trust the Amatay :-)

I will keep you regularly updated on this blog about my progress or lack of it and you can also check my sharkscope stats, i ain't gonna cheat anyone. Adam, you said you would bet me $400 in the pub last night lol. You wanna put your money where your mouth is, $100 max??

Bearing in mind i have never made over $10k in one month in my life and that i am a lazy bitch, this is gonna be fucking tough. Shit, thinking about it wtf have i got myself into lol, ut oh. Here is who is in thus far:-

Kenn $100 - Paid Mik

Snake Eyes $100 - Paid Mik

VBM $100 - Paid Mik

Ace Filled Dreams $100 - Paid Mik

SirFWALGMan $25 ???????

Fuel $55 - Paid Mik

DaveShoeLace $100 - Paid Jizz

Horneris $100 - Paid Jizz

Lukybugur $50 - Paid Mik

Jamier-Host $100 - Paid Jizz

Kaja-Poker $25 - Paid Mik

UpTheMariners $100 - Paid Jizz

Ripple $50 - Paid Jizz

JonnyFish $100 - Paid Mik

M3Boy $100 ?????????

Bazclef $100 - Paid Jizz

Gothman $25 - Paid Mik

Millar $100 - Paid Mik

Felix $5 - Paid Mik

Stuart Hopkins $100 - Paid Jizz

Fat Afghan $100 - Paid Jizz

Edit: I didn't realise i would generate so much interest so quickly, im getting scared lol. So, seeing as the amount is rather rapidly (and slightly worryingly) increasing can you either send your money to BurnleyMik who basically runs the RTR forum and is very trustworthy, username - BurnleyMik on Stars and Big_miky on FTP or send your $$$ to jizzemm on Stars who is a well respected and regular poster on the Blonde forum. Once they have your money i will send them the same amount to cover your bet and each indivdual will hold the $$$ until the 1st July.