Having a small poker crisis atm, my heart's just not in it and my heads gone. Played a few short sessions this week and im just not feeling it at all. I aint playing great plus i've had quite a few beats. AA v KK and the cunt hits his king, fish blasting with draws and hitting, two fucking outers on the river etc etc blahhh. Think i mentioned i dumped off $600 on Monday in my last post and have since pissed away another $600 on Tuesday, Wednesday i weren't in the mood and logged off after 10 mins with a $100 buck loss and today i just shizzed off another $350 in a couple of hours. I can't be asked with it at all, can't be bothered to play, i was sooo in the zone before my holiday so its abit of a shame. Like i said i need to get back in the gym and then back on the piss that will sort me out. I need a fucking shag too, anyone fancy a bunk up??

My driving fucking sucks cock!!! I pranged my motor again this afternoon for the third fooking time!! First time i gotta a tiny dent on the front when i tried that very difficult manuovere known as parking. Second time i was on monster tilt after being stuck in a jam for 2hrs and decided to reverse into a jeep and today i decided to ram some shitty Vaxhall up the ass whilst pulling away. Man, i feel like an utter cunt today, everything has got to me, i wish i could go back in time two and a half weeks and start again. Banging my car is the final straw, i felt sooo pissed off earlier so its time to sort myself out...

Im still not 100%, this illness has really set me back. I haven't been to the gym for almost 3 wks now and that fucks me in the head abit. I was really in the zone gym wise and now i feel as though all the work i done in there has gone to waste, it hasn't but i just need to get back in there pronto, I was doing really well and i was feeling good. Smashing my car gives me an excuse to finally sort the thing out and is kind of a good thing. I've got a decent motor but i never bother with it. Its a fucking mess and i aint bothered to sort out the previous two prangs. This time its different because i've fucked it quite bad so i have gotta get it sorted. Fucking hell im such a twat!

Poker is pissing me off aswell as i have not made any $$$ in nearly 3 wks, i guess thats one of the cons of doing it for a living, no holiday or sick pay. I jizzed off 600 bucks yesterday aswell which fucked me off lol. Also, i cant decide what to do about this sponsorship thing as giving away 50% of my earnings is an awful lot, decisions decisions.

Im starting a fresh today, i've blitzed my flat which always gives me some karma and i'll sort my motor out tomorrow morning. Im gonna try and put some hours in at the tarbles aswell next 10 days and see if i can make a few grand and then maybe start this sponsorship deal early April. Oh before i go there is some good news.... I found a top new wank site the other day which is completely free of charge called http://www.pimpbus.com/ i've added it to my links, laters fish ;-)

Fuck me the last two weeks have been a fucking blur, fucking extreme.....

Me and the boys left for Andorra over 2wks ago in the early hours of Sunday morning getting a minibus to Gatwick and then flying about 90 mins to Toulouse from where there was a 2.5 hr coach transfer to Andorra, the journey was pretty plain sailing. We arrived afternoonish time and quickly sorted out our snowboarding gear and passes. Our hotel was called The Chez Paulo and was pretty basic but it was all we needed really, I shared a room with Dan and everything was all good. The food at the Chez Paulo was a bonus although we did get stictched an extra ton fifthy on the boarding which was abit of a cunt. After our first meal most of us inevitably got destroyed. The Town was fairly quiet on the first night but we didnt care and moved from bar to bar getting completely trollified. I was drinking all sorts of shizz including them dirty Jagermeisters, arghhhh. The night was a good crack and was probably the most pissed i got all hol.

We all managed to get up for breaky on the Monday morn at 8am and then all headed off for Ski School at 10am. Bascially we had boarding lessons from 10-1 everyday, although my mates Bill n Darren had their Ski Skool in the afternoon as they have been boarding before and are more advanced. Lessons started off good and i quickly grasped some of the basic turning concepts although once we got to the last hour or so of the lesson our instructor introduced a new aspect of boarding into the lession which completely fucked me. All it was was bascially stopping and controlling the board but i couldnt do it and kept falling on my fucking arse, the instructor was really getting on my tits aswell. I ended the first lesson feeling really frustrated and wanted to punch my instructor in the face, fucking coount! I didn't bother going back on the snow that day most of us didnt actually after the previous nights antics. There wasnt that much snow atm tbh, Anddora hadn't seen any of the white stuff for about a month so its was pretty difficult to board. After munching at the Chez Paulo we all headed off for another billion beers on some bar crawl that we had all paid 5 euro's for. The lack of women was an absolute JOKE, people ain't joking when they refer to Andorra as Manddora, OMG the ratio of men to birds is a unreal, it was about 25:1 no jokes a complete sausage partay lol. However, my mate Bill did manage to pull one bird on the bar crawl night, fairplay on him. The bar crawl night turned into a top night actually, the reps took us to all sorts of watering holes, I can't recall the names of all the places but i remember being ending up in a fucky little club called the Bilbord. I must have got back to the hotel at about 3-4am steaming but still managed to be up for breaky at 8am on the Tuesday which is when the nature of the holiday started to change abit....

I went to Ski skool again but it was fucking shit and i still couldnt get to grips with controlling my fucking board, it was driving me insane and so was the fooking instructor. I thought he was a shit teacher tbh and i didnt bother with ski skool after that, no point, ill teach myself. Glen and Sam didnt make it to Ski school that morn and would not make it all holiday, infact that was pretty much the last time anyone really saw them two all hols aswell as Glen's bird Lara as they spent the whole holiday in bed ill, nightmares. In the afternoon i got back on the snow and got Bill and Darren to train me up and i improved alot. Their good lads Bill n Daz and the pair of them took me up in the chair lifts and i was determined to get better, i hate being shit at things. However, it was fucking hard work really frustrating which wasn't made any easier when the three of us got caught in the most extreme weather i think i have ever been out in. The snow just started hammering down, absolutely reeedick, i can't even begin to explain how extreme the weather was, it was a complete blizzard. Fuck knows how i got off that mountain in them conditions, i couldn't fucking see and my boarding was abit shit, it was sooo cold, i thought i was gonna die, EXTREME!

In the evening we didnt really get on it again you just can't on a boarding hol its fucking exhausting. A few of us went for some chill out beers in Paddys bar to watch the footy and then bed. The weather was still reeedick with the snow caning it down and that night most of us fell ill. Fuck knows what we caught but in total 6 peeps out of 10 were ill on this hol. I was okish and still made it out on the beers and went boarding everyday but like i said no one saw Glen ,Sam and Lara and Dan missed over half the hol and Mizon was abit fucked too although he was out most of the time, nightmare.

On the Wednesday no one could go snowboarding because of the weather, i've never seen sooo much snow in my life. A few of us just pissed about in the snow and went for a lush lunch in some restaurant. In the evening a few of us again went for some chill out beers whilst watching my beloved Hammers get taken apart by them scummers Liverpool, we got taught.

We managed to get back on the snow on Thursday and my boarding skillz started to show glimpses of improvement. In the evening me Miz, Darren and Bill went to some Hypnotist show at a bar called The Milwalkee which was pretty cool. I was really tempted to get up on the stage and get hypotised myself but i've been hypotised before in a holiday in Magaluf a few years back and wanted to see what it was like as a spectator. The geezer was really funny and it turned into a top night, one of the best, shame most of the group were fucked.

On the Friday i done loads more boarding and started to get decent, i was finally understanding the main concepts lol. Boarding is a genius sport but fuck me its hard work, really tiring. This hol was not like other lads holidays where u can get pissed up all day everyday, its just impossible and in the evening everyone just crashed.

Come the weekend and i felt as though my boarding was really starting to come together, pity we were now nearing the end of the hol, i wish i could have had more time on the white stuff although my body had taken such a battering. I had soooo many bruises on my backside its looked like i'd been done up the dirt hole by a 14 inch Mandorrian, fooking painful!! In the evening most of us got back on the beers again in a big way. At the dinner table that night i drank one of the dirrrrtest shots of my life. Not really in terms of the taste but the actually content. For some reason i drank a shot of what we all know refer to as the lizard, see pic. Darren brought down this bottle of liquid with two dead lizards in it which he had earlier purchased from some shop. I dunno wtf came over me but i agreed to drink a shot of it and before i knew it the whole fooking Chez Paulo was watching me about to drink this shot of lizard so there was no backing out. The thing about this drink was that you could actually see bits of lizard skin floating about, fucking sick lol. Anyways i somehow managed to stomach the lizard and that set the tone was the rest of the evening, ball bagged citay!!!

We all stumbled back about 3-4am and had to leave the Chez Paulo at 6am! The journay home was abit of of nightmare with a two hours delay in Toulouse aswell as a delay getting our bags at Gatwick. I've been back home a week now and i've been ill since, im only starting to feel better today actually its been horrible, i cant remember feeling this sick for a while im sure its that lizard thats fucked me lol. If i had felt like this on hol i wouldn't have made it out of my room all week. The holiday was ok and im glad i've experienced something like this but given all the illnesses and the way i've felt since i have returned home im not sure if it was worth it. Actually no, it was worth it was just a shame about peeps getting ill and all that.

Played my first session of poker in over two weeks today, a few hours at $1/2 winning $500 which added $200 i received as rakeback on Tilt leaves me on $700 profit for the month. The plan is to hammer the tarbs if i feel upto it and then hopefully start my sponsorship deal at the beginning of April. My sponser is called Bad Beat which some of you fish may have heard of. Basically i have acquired quite a few contacts via this shitty blog and as a result i have managed to get myself a great intial deal with Bad Beat one which a regular fish would have no chance in getting. Bad Beat top up my account with $2k a day and i bascailly play for them. The thing is to start with i lose out until i can get my limit increased to $3k, $5k and hopefully higher as i have to give 50% of my profit to Bad Beat. However, there are plenty of benefits like being given a top mentor, free tourn entries and possible invites to live stuff etc, i have to prove myself first. Its a great opportunity and the long term benefits could be huge. I could write loadsa more about this deal but i can't be asked lol. I think its the right move for me, if it aint i'll just ding it on the head no drama, ill only lose out on a few thousand doll that i would have earnt using my own roll. Right time for some shut eye, hopefully i will feel close to 100% tomorrow, im getting there, about 80% atm, laters fish.

RIP Tessa :-(

Alright fish, quick post incase you are all getting worried by my absence lol. I returned home on Sunday evening but have since been really sick with what must be the world's worst ever throat infection. I am absolutely dying, no jokes. I can't remember feeling this shit for a long time. My Snowboarding holiday was extreme, I'll update properly when i feel upto it although that might not be for a while. Laters.

That's me done for a week or so now, no more poker, no more RedTube and no more blog posts untill i get back, hopefully in one piece. I played about 3-4 hours tonight and quickly raced into an 800 doll profit before losing this nasty little hand to go into $1k+ prof for the night. After that my profit slowly dwindled and i finished my short stint at the cyber tarbs with a mere $155. I dunno where the fuck it goes sometimes? Oh well, im not gonna moan too much as this month as been my best ever to date winning a total of $8,600 to bring my annual profit upto a decent $14,800 buckerooo's.

Hopefully my snowboarding hols will be a good crack, im sure it will be but as always im alittle bit nervous of travelling. Even though i spent 12 bloody hours on a plane when i went to Vegas last year i still don't like the fuckers. We are supposed to be in the air for 2.5 hours this time and land at Toulouse where there is a 3hr transfer to Andorra, hopefully everything will run smoothly. I was alittle disappointed to hear that Andorra is actually nicknamed Mandorra as its mainly all blokes with very few birds so it dont look like ill be getting any action, cue the jokes about Amatay taking it up the rustay bullet hole...

Oh btw, that poker news i briefly mentioned is basically me being offered a sponsorship deal. I may slightly lose out in the short term but the long-term benefits are potentially awesome and its a great opportunity. I'll discuss it further in future posts, laters fish :-)

Quick post and more of a reminder to myself really and not to 'entertain' you fish. Just played a short 2.5-3hr and made $885 but it kinda feels like a loss. Basically, i was up to a $500 profit after about 15 mins and then a $1225 profit after about 2 and a half hours. So, things were going great however, when this happens i seem to play ultra loose and abit donkish at times, jizzing off my money like it don't matter which is exaclty wat i did 10 mins ago by donking off $350ish, so i logged off. STOP being a cunt Jones and play properly at all times! Goodbye fish.

EDIT: Played abit more and lost another $350 odd, took a few bad beats blahhhh. $1225 down to a $550, BOLLOCKS! It feels like i've had a really bad night and yet i've won $550 aswell as cashing in another $100 on PP points.

Monthly Profit = $8,450

Annual Profit = $14,650

Remember playing with these little green plastic fella's when you were a kid lol, good memories, anyways, onto my post.....

Im all over the shop atm lol. Last week or so i have been going to sleep about 6-7am and waking up about 4-6pm, its fucking shocking. Its not really a good way to live but i can't help it. I have always been a nocturnal fish but this is reeedick! I just wish i had some kinda structure, my future poker plans might mean i have to, i'll reveal all in my next post lol.

I didn't play any poker yesterday, i played some footy in the evening and almost got knocked the fuck out. I nicked the ball off some little coount and ended up smashing my face into his shoulder blade, it fucking hurt like hell. I was proper dazed for a few seconds then blood just started pissing out everwhere. For a split second i thought i'd done some serious damage to my boyish good looks but thankfully all i have done is mash my lips up abit. I got two fat fucking lips atm, and i can't eat or speak properly lol, nightmares. I still ache from the Go-Karting the other day aswell where i received a few nasty bruises. Im proper in the wars atm, but im a soldier babay. Been battling hard at the tarbs tonight aswell.....

Played a bunch of hours this evening/early morning, not sure how many, between about 6-8 hrs of my usual pathectic grind i think. Played abit on FTP and alot on PP winning just short of $800 spondoooolays!! Here's a couple of hands for you fishee's, the highs and lows of tonights action. Niffy little hand replayer ain't it, click the eye icon to reveal cards btw if you aint worked it out yet you dumb fish. The 77 hand was pretty sick, i bet out my set of ziebens in an unraised pot and he cold called with three bitches on a risky ish flop. When the turn popped i put him on QJ, no escape for me, doh. The 73 hand was a beautay although i thought there was a slim chance i could have been beat but sunseeker is such a fish its unreal, shipppp! Right, better rest my battle weary temple, laters.

Monthly Profit = $7,800

Annual Profit = $14,000

Mirco-limit MTT fish UKGatsby has his monthly Gatsby awards, Narena, one of the best $1/2 cash game fishee's around has his Muppet of the week awards and top UK tourn fishay Moorman has his Donk of the week award so i thought id introduce an award of my own entitled... absolute mother fucking wanker of the week award. The first fish to be inducted into my absolute mother fucking wanker of the week hall of fame goes to this bastard for his genius play against me tonight, where the fook do these mutha lickers come from?? lol. As you can guess tonight has been a pretty fruitless occasion. I played for 5 hours and at my highest point i had about a 400 buck profit but finished up with a mere $68 profit aswell as also cashing in $100 in party points.

Last Thursday was a much better session which saw me win $1050. On Friday i think i won about $150 in a short session and then went out for a few light ales. I didnt exaclty get hammered but prolly had about 8 or 9 beers. The night was abit shit tbh, it was really dead in town so i came home early at about midnight partly because i had to be up for Go-Karting in the morning and didnt wanna feel too ruff. On the Saturday morning i nearly didnt make it because i did feel abit hungover plus id had very little sleep so i detoxed my entire body by pissing, puking, shitting, sweating, spitting and spunking all waste products out of my system lol. I felt ok after my detox and the Go-Karting was a good crack. I proper suck cock when it comes to these things, im a really shit driver and finished about 8th overall out of the 13 peeps that went. Not nearly as bad as my housemate Scotch though who finished 13th lol and three of the thirteen peeps where birds ahahaha.

On Sunday i went round my parents gaff for abit and then watched them bastard yido's win the League cup round my mate Mizon's gaff. Me and Miz played abit of ISS pro Evolution on his comp whilst i was round there which brought back some good memories. We played one of the old classic versions which i used to dominate back in the day. I never met any fish who could beat me at that game, i was the fucking daddy. In between smoking, drinking, the occasional shagging and bits of studying that was practically all i did at Uni for four years, ahhh greeeet days!

When i got home that little fish JJay was at my flat and we both played in the BritBloggerment together for a laugh and that lucky little mincer went and won it. I think i busted in 5/18 although had my aq won a coinflip i would have busted JJay up real bad, that fish plays sooo weak. I also played in a $22 Rebuy tourn busting out with K10 on a K105 board, did i ever mention that i HATE tourns! Didint play any proper poker that night i couldn't be arsed although i did receive a nice $500 bonus which was pretty sweet.

In regards to some of those challenge's you fish set me after my post last week there are two i recieved after chatting to a couple of peeps via msn that seem quite appealing. The first was from that donk Ed Hollis who proposed that i try and earn at least $1k a day for 10 days at all sorts of limits with a -$600 stop loss for each day, i reckon i could do that no problems. The other challenge came from Animal who suggested i use 5% of each of my monthly winnings to sat into major live stuff, i reckon i might give this a crack aswell, Animal qualifys for loadsa wicked packages so why can't i?

However, my whole poker outlook and 'career' if you like might be taking a big change in the near future. I can't be bothered to explain atm because its 7am and im fooked so it will have to wait for now, i bet the suspense is gonna kill you fish lol. Oh thats another thing, my sleeping pattern is fucked again. After two weeks of waking up and going to sleep like normal fish im back to my zero routine and zero structure lifestyle but like i said that will have to change...

Monthly Profit = $7000

Annual Profit = $13,200

What a fucking rollercoaster today has been, it feels like it has been a complete waste of time, fucking nightmares! lolol....

The day got off to a great start and saw me basically mince in my wank sack for about one hour after i woke up and make just under $600 before the poker gods decided to take a massive dump on my head! I started to play again early in the evening and have only just logged off at 3am slightly battered after whats probably been the longest and toughest session of poker i have played in many months. This hand basically sums it all up, are you kidding me lol. Thing is i knew when all the chips were flying on the flop exactly what everyone of the three fish had but i was already all in. Had i been in a different position i honestly would have folded i promise, but it was too late and the way the hand played out meant that i was doomed. Where's my 8 on the rivee ffs!

To cut short a very tedious and painful story i lost $1200 which represents quite a significant loss for me atm playing $1/2. However, i battled on like a true warrior and managed to make back about $500, which meant after the twenty billion hands i've played and the twenty billion dollars worth of dosh i made in rake for them bastards at Party Poker i finished the day down a mere $100. In fact i played sooo many hands today that i generated $90 bucks worth in pp points so i suppose i finished the day evens although it feels like i've lost a quite few quid and also a few years off my life.

Monday night i shizzed off $100 in a few little donkaments and SnGs, busting in one 90 man $26 doll tourn in 11th when my AK was no good against KJ, i HATE tourns lol. On Tuesday i grinded out a $150 win in about 3 hrs, so my progress this week has been complete toilet. Fuck me this has been a whinging post, sorry fish. Oh well back to the tarbles again tomorrow i guess, its my job ain't it :-) I'll come back to all those challenges in another post, can't be bovved now, keep em coming though, laters.

I need a challenge, something to keep me entertained until my holiday on March 2nd. Im getting abit bored of the current cash grind and need to do something different, you fish got any suggestions??? Im sooo fucking bord atm, maybe i need a bird or summat although i kinda lose interest once i've blurted my load lol, nah jokes. Anything, some sort of 10 day challenge or something involving SnGs, MTT'S, cash, HU anything! Give me some ideas please fish. I just played 30 mins won about $200 and now im bored again. I've got hobbies etc... i go to the gym, play for a 5 a side footy team, coach and manage my old college football team, RedTube alot aswell as getting ball bagged on the odd occasion and sometimes getting hold of a Kathay Liebert lookalike, although i aint had any real good action for a few months now lol :-( Oh yeah and this blog is kind of a hobby aswell, keeps me amused anyways. Bordy bloody bordddddddddd!!! Thank fuck for my snowboarding holiday in a couple weeks, going Go-Karting on Saturday aswell which should be a crack. Bord bord bord bord bord bord bord.......... All suggestions/ideas welcome even the inevitable stupid ones from the like of Seymour, Cad, Pudding, Cogs

Monthly Profit = $5,100

Annual Profit = $11,350

I've played alot of poker the last 3 days and also kinda started smoking again lol. Firstly to Tuesday when i went fucking ballistic.....

Got up from my wank pit early doors and went to the gym in a very good mood. Done my ususal faggot 1 hour workout which was interrupted by some old bastard to tell me that i look ike John Terry lol. Fuck me, if i had 1 pence from every slutpig who said i reminded them of JT i'd have about 20 pence by now, at least! I only wish i could play footy like the Chelsea scum bag. When i got home me and Scotch absolutely blitzed my flat from top to bottom, I mean we gave it a real good scrub. If them bitches Kim and Aggy came over the only bacteria they could have possibly found would have been the micro organisms living on the end of Scotch's bell end, the place almost looked brand new. During the cleaning frenzy i recieved a call from the rip off solictor cunts who were dealing with my the completion on my mortgage. Apparently i still owed them another ton!! I went fucking mad. I dont ususal swear at people down the phone but i tore into this bitch down the line. I wont go into details but it was their fuck up but i still reluctantly paid off yet more of my hard earned dosh to the bastards, them fuckers seriously clean you out. Anyways i was sooo angry and stressed about my mortgage because its be going on for some time now that i started smoking again. I had found 10 Bensons whilst cleaning my flat and pretty much ended up chain smoking the lot lol. I've never been a massive smoker (apart from my uni days) and sort of quit 2 years ago but these ciggies were lovely lol. I've had a few more since but not smoked for the last 2 days, i ain't gonna buy any put it that way. Actually i've been abit ill the past two days with a fucked up throat, im sure the smokes have contributed, they are dirty things tbh. Anyways I'd chilled out by the evening and played footy for my 5 aside team scoring the winner so its all grovvay.

On Wednesday i played about 5 hrs on the cash tarbs and ended up winning about 400 dimes. I played a few hands versus that dirrrtay scouse fish Rossi and i think i ended up losing about $200 to the theiving bastard, im sure he had the nuts evey fucking time ;-) In the evening i went out for a curry with a load of the boys in Ricky. Im not really a big curry man but it was a good crack with good banter etc. Im going out with all the lads again tommorrow night for my mate Glen's b'day to Windsor. Been out on the piss there once before, loadsa nice bars etc and a few posh tottay, should be a good laugh.

On Thursay i had the siiiiickest session of the year thus far. The beats were reeeedickulous!! I was actually sad enough to keep a record of the beats for my blog but ill spare you fish the details. I hate reading blogs where fish whinge about there misfortune at the tarbs but i ended up losing $1500-2000 bucks in potage to 2 outers 3 outers, rear entries flooshes runner runner str8's blahhhhh ahahaha. UN FUCKING REAL! I somehow ended up only losing just under $100 bucks in 6.5 hrs. I really don't know how tbh, it could have been a very profitable session, sigh.

Grinded my tits off again today and again it was a really tough session with more beats aswell as some shit play by yours trulay :-) I played about 6-7 hours or so and in total finished down $200. Determined to make a profit i logged back on for 2 more hours and went on abit of a rush quickly winning $900 before logging off with a $500 profit for the day. Hard fucking work!Monthly profit $4.7k, annual profit $10.9k. Laters.

I've got a few things to write about but i cannot be asked to update this ghey blog atm, laters.

Bit of a brag post but fuck it. Just played 3 hrs and made a nice $1100 bucks babay! Yesterday i set myself a minimum requirement for the week ahead of breaking the $10k barrier in pokay earnings for the year but i just achieve that in one little sweet session this afternoon. Hopefully i can push on now and make another $4-5k before i go on my snowboarding holiday in three weeks. I need all the dosh i can get my grubby little paws on atm because i just whacked off over £16k on my mortgage this morning, thats alot of fucking double ups on $1/2!!!

No birthday rumps last night but i had a decent time out with the boys. Me, Cooks, Malaaar, Glen, Sam, Camp Dan, Danny B, Bill, Mizon and Dazza met up in Ricky for a few beers and then went to a few bars in St Albans before going to the club Batchwood. I basically ended up getting wrecked and bumping into a bird i know called Lucy and chewed her face off abit aswell as some other random bird at the end of the night called Carla lol, its all fun n games :-)

The only poker i have played since my last post is a few faggot $5.50, 45 man SnGays on Stars as part of some little challenge on the RtR forum. You have to play 15 of these things where you score a certain number of points according to the position you finish. The fish who gets the most points after 15 games wins 10 bucks off all the other fish who entered the challange, so far i have had mixed results with my best positions being a 5th in game 3 and a 1st in game 7. Gonna try and hit the tarbs hard this week and at the very least break the $10k profit mark for the year. Laters.