Saturdays with Dr. Pauly . . . .

Date: Mon, Jan 28, 2008

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AVN Adult Entertainment

Date: Thu, Jan 10, 2008

I'm not sure about you but I prefer the old school terminology better.

Porn Expo.

Flipchip is covering the AVN Adult Entertainment Expo in Las Vegas. What a lucky man. He's got some pretty sweet photos of porn stars and strippers.

I saw part of a nipple in one pic.

Flipchip has a good eye.

I wonder if he's going to the AVN Awards Show. Excuse me, I mean the Porn Awards.

Does Flipchip need an assistant this week?

Go check out his Day 1 photo gallery of the lovely ladies.

I'll be wanking off to this one for years to come.

photo by flipchip • lasvegasvegas.com

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Merry Christmas

Date: Mon, Dec 24, 2007

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Holiday Classic Recap

Date: Sat, Dec 15, 2007

December 2007

I find myself gambling less and less at these events. I've been to six out of seven since 2004. The funny thing is that I have more money to throw around now compared to the first few times we invaded Las Vegas. So what's wrong with me?

Being the sixth one, it's certainly easier to socialize because I know almost everyone by now.

Is that the reason?

Less gambling and more conversation.

Maybe it's a quality versus quantity issue?

I certainly bet bigger to make up for it.

Getting wasted is a priority.

So is hanging out with my friends.

Las Vegas is also a great place to people watch. I can gamble anytime.

Short sessions are better anyway. Hit and run.

Sometimes it's more fun to watch your friends gamble. Granted, it's not the same rush but at least it frees up one hand for smoking and the other for drinking.

But consider the people involved. I'm watching bloggers gamble damnit.

As you all know, Chaka likes to watch.

Voyeur?

Yep.

Pervert?

Perhaps.

There's a good chance I'm looking down your shirt for some cleavage action if you're a female so watch out.

Or you can do me a favor and make it easier by opening another button or two.

Maudie, Gracie, Kat??

I recently participated in an office harassment training class. We all did. Not just me.

They said leering was a form of harassment. It's improper behavior for the work place.

There was no pass or fail. You showed up, you were good. Ship it!

In Las Vegas, a push is a win.

PAI GOW!!

How many vices do you have?

Some say more than one is too many.

I disagree.

Who wants to ROSHAMBO for $100?




The Zoot Suit(ed) Shakedown


GMoney and I like to play this game called, "Working or not working."

He would pick someone who was obviously a hooker and I would say, "No way."

He would then go into the pros as to why the girl was a pro.

Her looks. Her clothes. The amount of skin being shown. The fact that she was dressed up and completely sober at 4am. She's sitting by herself at the bar. She has a pimp lurking in close proximity. The usual tells.

Sometimes one of us would go over and talk to the girl to see if she really was a hooker. We'd also listen to her sales pitch and find out more about her.

The conversation can turn quickly.

Nothing beats a nice dirty conversation. Especially in public.

"Whatever price she says, go $100 lower. She'll do it," GMoney would say.

Lowball is a good game but I prefer Razz.

Be friendly and talk to the working girls. Look but don't buy.

And don't get rolled.

Working or not working?

What's great about this game is you can play it anywhere. On the strip, in a hooker bar, in a restaurant, sitting at a table. It is Las Vegas.

Hookers in Las Vegas are sort of like actors in Hollywood.

Everywhere you look, you see one or someone that looks like one.

The only difference . . . there aren't too many out of work hookers in this town. Even the old ones were working.

They also seem to have a pretty good turnover rate.

I spent way too much time at the Geisha bar.

I wonder what the over/under is on how many clients the average Las Vegas casino hooker has had come 3am.

Hey Urkel, can you crunch those numbers on your computer?

Let's keep playing working versus not working.

You keep saying no and I'll convince you why they are.

Let's do it.


First Call?


This one prostitute at the IP hooker bar kept pestering me to take her up to my room.

I kept playing the game with her to find out her price.

I laughed when she told me her rate.

What did GMoney say again?

Move the line. Go $100 lower.

She claimed to be a 21 year old Puerta Rican girl from Atlantic City.

I have a weakness for hot horny latinas.

Who doesn't really?

She had a back tattoo. And a stomach tattoo.

After several drinks with GMoney and the working girl, I took off for the restroom.

She followed.

And waited near the slots for me.

That's an Atlantic City move. The hookers over there do that. Late night, they'll sit by the slot machines that are closest to the main cage and wait for guys to cash out with a big stack. That's when they attack. I call that Stealth Ho-rilla warfare mode.

The hookers will pounce out of a row of slot machines vying for your attention. Who will get to you first? Does it resemble a VC jumping out of rice paddy for his kill?

Sort of but not really. The surprise factor is there for sure.

But you don't get to choose.

It's more like drug dealers jumping out of the bush in Washington Square park to sell you a dime bag.

But I was just using the restroom?

Mrs. Spaceman once told me they can smell the cash in my pocket. That was at the Borgata.

I believed her. Still do.

So I come out of the restroom and the hooker asked me what I was doing.

I just finished taking a shit honey.

How'd you like to be my first client?

Ever?

No, dummy. Today. My first of the day.

I thought, "Sweet!"

Wait, don't say that.

Being a working girl is very similar to playing poker.

They're both really one long session aren't they?

First of the day . . . no thanks.

Put it in your spank bank and move on.




Speechless during the end around

BadBlood and I ordered the exact same meal and wine at Nob Hill. It was great.

It was a huge tab but surprisingly nowhere near the over/under that was set.

We both licked our plates clean.

We both had Gus Hansen shirts on.

Later on, we were having a drink at the bar and a working girl approached.

She said hi to Badblood first.

I said, "How you doin' tonight?"

Good but I'd be doing better if I was sucking your dicks.

Uh . . . uh, uh uh??

A few seconds felt like 10 minutes.

BadBlood and I got a quick lesson on the "hard sell" versus the "soft sell."

Two for one?

Burn'em and churn'em.

Are you keeping up with the Kardashians?

Mustafa is. That's for sure.

He likes Bruce Jenner and his big booty step daughter, Kim.

OJ Simpson should've done what I did.

I walked away quietly.

They call that the hard sell.

I'm still speechless.

Working or not working?



Memorable moments and the lowdown:

-I got to sit at a NL cash table with Sweet sweet Pablo, Change100, Mary, Johnny Hughes, Carol, Vinay and a few others on the first day of the trip. Carol got felted when her boat lost to quad Aces. As she was waiting for her rebuy to arrive, she got felted again. When the chips arrived, she signed the release and they gave her chips away. REBUY!!

-Stepping out of the cab line to jump into a stretch limo with BG, Maudie, Iggy, Pauly and Change100 so we could get to dinner on time.

-The procedure.

-Does your technique include a lot of hand action?

- I tried to get Gracie to pretend she was my fiance. I wanted to tell one of the working girls that we wanted to do a threesome before we got married by Elvis the next day.

-12 hours of sleep in 4 days.

-Bet the over. I smoked 8 packs in 4 days.

-I lost a quiet $400. Mostly on the tourney buy-in and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. I should've listened to April and bet the Texans. The Cowboys killed me too. Thank goodness for blackjack.

-My goal of smoking one pack for every hour I slept went unaccomplished. I fell short by 4 packs.

-Benny Hiroshima: If you're lucky to meet this guy, you'll find that he looks like Joe Speaker. That guy sat at every table I was moved to in the blogger tourney. He eventually busted me. It felt like a bad acid flashback every time he took a big pot off me. I think he had a superuser account and saw my hole cards. AK sucks. He also busted Roberto Colunga and got his Jesus gift as a bounty.

-The Geisha bar.

-Getting to party all night with GCox, Iggy, GMoney, AlCantHang, Gracie, Pablo and everyone else.

-Irish Jim is a riot.

-Playing blackjack with Garth and Bobby.

-Sweet Sweet Pablo and I bet on the wheel spins at the IP. The choices were Money or Product. I chose Product. People were getting pissed when I wanted them to win a mug or towel instead of $100. Product!!

-Asian Jew?

-Puff, puff give.



-The Rooster wins . . . give me the chedda!

-Otis rules!!

-I had great meals at Nob Hill (MGM), Trevi (Caesars) and the Mirage.

-The wrong approach: an 18 yr old working girl asked Iggy and I if we could get her high in our rooms. Iggy asked her how much she was willing to pay for weed. She walked away. Maybe she was talking about getting high on Jesus?

-MGM mixed games and the sportsbook bar. Where did all these Brits come from?


-The Rooster was about to be insulted by some woman who was exiting the elevator. She noticed he was wearing a Yankee hat. She asked if he watched the World Series. She was obviously waiting for the right moment to make fun of the Yanks for getting bounced. She was from Colorado and also asked if The Rooster ever heard of the Rockies. Before she could get in her barb, the Rooster stopped her in her tracks and said, "No, never heard of them. Are they in the big leagues?" She had no response and the doors closed. Everyone in the elevator broke out into laughter.

-Las Vegas is very smoker friendly.


-Tony Romo is one lucky mofo.

-O'Sheas has beer pong tables and pretty good breakfast burritos with biscuits and gravy.

-GCox has a pretty cool wife.

-Went to Outback with GMoney and crushed some steaks.

-Getting another chance to be in the presence of Sir AlCan'tHang. Truly honored.

-Stained cigarette fingers.

-Change100 picked my wardrobe for the Nobhill dinner. I had three shirts with me and she picked the Gus Hansen shirt. FTrain was proud.

-Okie's rule . . . Go Maudie and GCox!

-Sore loser.


-Chaka no like crystal meth.

-Sweet sweet Gracie.

-How would you like to make $14 the hard way?

-Viva los Grubby y Grubette.

-Multiple Craps tournaments.


-Grubbette was cagey at the tourney. She kept re-raising me and I folded every time.

-Sports book Sunday. I forgot to bet on the Bengals this year. I'm 2-1 in previous years. It's called the Iggy bet. It's followed by a Greyhound. Then you wait for the money to roll in.

-Meeting Johnny Hughes was awesome. He had a ton of great stories and was a class act.

-I sat with a ton of people at the blogger tourney: Russ Fox, Johnny Hughes, Grubette, Mary, Joe Speaker, Alan Penner, FTrain, The Rooster, Byron, Otis, Blinders, Bobby, Dr. Pauly, Miami Don, Carol, Surly Poker Gnome, Dario Minieri and Benny Hiroshima.

-Chaka no like sleep.


-Sweet sweet Pablo.

-I was introduced to Tripjax's wife like 10 times. We both laughed about it and stopped telling people we already met come the 5th time. We re-shook hands every time and laughed.

-Some blogger at my table said he won a tourney earlier in the day. I leaned over to Mary and said, watch . . . I bet he's the first one at the table knocked out. Sure enough he was.

-Smoking cigarettes with Gracie.

-The Mark = The Gigli



-During the blogger tourney, I got hit in face with the deck after the first break.

-I got KK, AA and AA in three consecutive hands and won each time. Ship it!

-Think I got AA four times. KK twice. QQ three times and JJ three times. I won more pots and more money with junks hands though. I lost everytime with JJ.

-At one point, I think all of the NYC bloggers were still in the tourney when it got down to 4 tables. Most of us made it to the final 3 tables too. A new Yorker won . . long live The Rooster.

-Two words: Mean Gene

-The Fat Guy is the coolest dude. I'm so glad he made the trip.

-Aussie Aussie Aussie . . . Garth, Garth, Garth.



-Rule #20.

-All night benders.

-Joo the Pai Gow dealer. Nuff said.

-Your blog is my homepage.

-Can I get a link?

-Bobby walked up to Pauly and I while we were waiting to place our football bets. He mentioned that we might want to look at his picks and fade them since he's doing horribly this season. We laughed because we were planning to fade Waffles picks.

-Nice catch donkey.

-Tons of Brits and cowboys. What no porn stars?

-Crown Royal: official booze of the IP.

-Floyd "Pretty Boy" Mayweather vs. Ricky Hatton.


-I was rocking a King suite at the IP.

-That was one fresh jam.

-Schecky and Jen Leo rule.

-Otis is a Pai Gow god.

-Deja vu all over again: I was at the IP bar on Sunday morning at 7am ... sleepless and hanging with GCox getting drunk. Cigarettes were also smoked.

-I learned that Miami Don really likes Eric Mangini's play calling ability.




-Watching the Rooster short buy into a NL cash game and proceed to donk off his stack on the first hand then walk away.

-I heard a knock at the door and that's when I had to jump behind the bed and hide.

-The Eagles lost because Marky Mark didn't suit up for the game.

-It's 1st and 10. Mangini is calling for the field goal unit again.

-Watching Iggy and The Rooster tell the Brits that Mayweather was going to kick Hatton's ass.



-I woke up 30 minutes early on Thursday morning in NYC so I could get high before the taxi arrived to take me to JFK airport. A 5am wakeup was well worth it.

-It was the first time in awhile I did not clog a toilet on the road. I tried.

-I was only allowed to do # 1 in Change100's toilet.



-ABC.

-Yeah but I saw her first.

-We tried to set an over/under on how many dildos Dr. Jeff has pulled out of people's rectums in the ER. Do you mean successful removals? Or overall attempts? Ouch.

-There was a really fucked up cigarette lady at the IP. I bought some smokes off her at 3am. Come 9am, she was stumbling around and slurring her speech. She looked like she was hopped up on something. I saw her later on in the sports book selling smokes. She was clocking the Giants/Eagles game. I'm sure she had some action on the game. Later on, she walked by yelling, "Anyone need any cigarettes? Cigarettes, gum, cigars, Go Eagles!"



Feel my hammer

As I was sitting near Maudie and Mary at the bar, a random girl started talking to me.

Working or not working?

What do you think?

She asked if Maudie or Mary was my wife.

"One is my ex and the other is my current," I said.

Which one?

Does it matter? They're both pretty liberal. What do you think about 3 chicks and 1 guy?

Pretty forward huh? It's a good thing I'm working then.

I figured that much. So would that be considered an orgy?

You need at least 2 vaginas and 2 penises for it to be considered an orgy.

Since when do you need two penises to make up an orgy? I think anything more than a threesome is an orgy. Three vaginas should count.

Not really. What would you call it if 3 guys were having sex with 1 girl? A gang bang right? What you want is a reverse gang bang.

I like the way you think.

Choo, choo!

Time for a smoke break.



Smell my fingers?

Some hooker kissed me on the cheek at the hooker bar. Doh.

The last time I ran away from the bar that fast, I had to puke.

I ran this time out of fear of getting herpes.

I had to wash my face. And fast.

How many dicks did that girl suck before she kissed me?

Pauly said it was only midnight so maybe 10 penises . . . minimum.



Last Call

Let's say it's 5am and it's a slow night for the working girls.

Do you think their prices drop as their shift comes to a close?

Kind of like a discount or going out of business sale.

We could always ask.




Here comes The Rooster!

It was around 1am on Friday when I got a call.

It was The Rooster.

I was in the middle of a bender.

A Grubby bender?

Nope, no slots involved here. Just booze, weed and gambling.

The Rooster was drunk off his ass and had no clue when his flight was. He didn't know the airline or airport either.

I laughed.

He was serious.

Totally screwed I thought.

He wasn't going to make it?

That's what I told Pauly and sweet sweet Pablo.

Joe Speaker saved the day though.

The Rooster called him next.

Speaker hacked into the Rooster's account and found out his flight info for him. The Rooster barely made it.

In 24 hours, he would be champ.

He won the blogger tourney you know.

Holy smokes!

Joe Speaker called it a stampede when word got out that it was Otis versus The Rooster heads up. The bar emptied fast.



That Rooster is one cagey mofo.

Congrats to The Rooster and Otis for doing a kick ass job and representing.

New York!

G-Vegas!

By the way, Mustafa has told me on several ocassions that Otis and The Rooster are his favorite bloggers.

Well, he calls them his favorite crackers.

You get the picture.



The Top 15 List: By the numbers . . .

15 - the # of empty shot glasses ACH had stacked up at the bar. It was a light dinner.
14 - the # of hookers that I talked to in 4 days at one bar. I heard it was a slow week.
13 - the # of hookers that propositioned me in those 4 days. I guess I wasn't that one girl's type.
12 - the # of times a dealer caught 21 on me when I had 20.
11 - the # of Pai Gow hands it took me to go on tilt. I lost 11 in a row right out of the shoot.
10 - the # of bong hits I took before I went to JFK for my 8:30AM flight. Wake and bake.
9 - the # of bad beats I heard without collecting a single dollar.
8 - the # of cowgirls I saw wearing Crown Royal gear at the Geisha Bar. Working or not working?
7 - the # of times I heard Iggy say the word "please" when talking to a drunk British guy who thought Ricky Hatton was going to win.
6 - the # of times I heard Asian Jew shouted out in the first level of the blogger tourney.
5 - the # of times Sir F asked me if he was slurring his speech. He was. We were at the Venetian bar before he fell asleep there.
4 - the # of times I heard someone compliment GRob's hair. And he wasn't even in Las Vegas.
3 - the # of times The Rooster told a 60 year old Polish hooker that ACH had herpes and 3 kids.
2 - the # of drunk cowgirls that GMoney picked up at the bar.
1 - the # of times Grubby made a stripper squirt on his chest during a lapdance.



Pauly called it "one of the most dramatic final tables in the history of the WPBT" as The Rooster beat Otis heads up for the 4th annual Holiday Classic championship.

Over 120 players signed up and the top 20 places paid. I made it to the final three tables before I busted out.

Final table results:

1. The Rooster
2. Otis
3. Kuro Kitty
4. Schecky
5. Columbo
6. Grubby
7. Miami Don
8. Instant Tragedy
9. Change100
10. Drizz

Pauly, Johnny Hughes, CK, Mary, JoeSpeaker, Brian (from Poker Atlas), Biggestron, Blinders, Falstaff, and Julian all cashed to round out the top 20.



Many thanks to Falstaff for setting this gathering up and picking the Venetian to host the tourney. Great job bro.

This was a great trip. I had a ton of fun hanging out and can't wait to do it again.

There were a few things missing from the trip though, namely Daddy and Jaxia.

Save the donkeyfucker, save the world.

Great times.


This post has been brought to you by my sponsor the United Working Girls of Las Vegas. Unionize!

*Some pictures were stolen from Pauly and Instant Tragedy.

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Gone Fishing . . .

Date: Wed, Dec 5, 2007

I'm heading to Las Vegas tomorrow.

Unfortunately my current burrito streak will come to an end because of the trip. I ate two this week to make up for it.

See you mofos in Las Vegas.

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A bad case of the Mondays . . .

Date: Sun, Nov 18, 2007

I like to give people nicknames at work. Usually behind their back.

One guy looks like Milhouse from the Simpson's. This guy is a dead ringer for the little Van Houten boy.

I recently found out that other people at work call him Milhouse too. I wonder if he knows?

I have an assistant. She thinks Milhouse is a horny pervert. He always tries to look down her shirt. She has huge boobs.



Two weeks ago, I gave Milhouse a new nickname.

It was shortly after 9am on a Monday morning.

I was on my way to the restroom. I wanted wash the NYC subway off my right hand. That's when it happened. It changed a few lives that day.

Milhouse shot out of his office like a subway rat looking for food.

Only Milhouse was grabbing his ass checks.

He was kind of running but not really. It closely resembled the peepee dance. A fast start out of the gate turned into slow motion.

Be quick but don't hurry.

The last 10 feet to the restroom was the tough stretch for him.

He was obviously in pain.

I'm sure a stall door was kicked opened. He was lucky there was an opening.

Renegade gunslingers are known to kick open a saloon door or two when they mean business.

Milhouse was all about business. Crisis Management will do that to you, especially on a Monday morning.

I entered the bathroom to thunderous applauds.

Milhouse was in stall numero uno.

His shoes were off.

They were pushed to the side?

I heard toilet paper rustling.

No pants by his ankles?

I heard him muttering to himself.

Yes, Milhouse shit his pants.

I repeat. Milhouse shit his pants.

Milhouse was seen leaving the office at 10am . . . briefcase in hand.

Never to return?

He came back to work 2 days later.

If you haven't figured it out by now, I'll tell you his new nickname.

It's Mr. Hershey.

I was a big fan of that board game Clue.

And yes . . .

Mr Hershey did it.

In the bathroom.

With the plunger?

Poor poor Mr. Herhsey.



I'd like to thank Dr. Pauly for sucking out on me in a NL tournament hosted by Wil Wheaton. He busted me on a three way hand.

Nice catch donkey!

I wish everyone a wonderful Thanksgiving week!

Bonus Code: Pauly

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A bad case of the Mondays . . .

Date: Sun, Nov 18, 2007

I like to give people nicknames at work. Usually behind their back.

One guy looks like Milhouse from the Simpson's. This guy is a dead ringer for the little Van Houten boy.

I recently found out that other people at work call him Milhouse too. I wonder if he knows?

I have an assistant. She thinks Milhouse is a horny pervert. He always tries to look down her shirt. She has huge boobs.



Two weeks ago, I gave Milhouse a new nickname.

It was shortly after 9am on a Monday morning.

I was on my way to the restroom. I wanted wash the NYC subway off my right hand. That's when it happened. It changed a few lives that day.

Milhouse shot out of his office like a subway rat looking for food.

Only Milhouse was grabbing his ass checks.

He was kind of running but not really. It closely resembled the peepee dance. A fast start out of the gate turned into slow motion.

Be quick but don't hurry.

The last 10 feet to the restroom was the tough stretch for him.

He was obviously in pain.

I'm sure a stall door was kicked opened. He was lucky there was an opening.

Renegade gunslingers are known to kick open a saloon door or two when they mean business.

Milhouse was all about business. Crisis Management will do that to you, especially on a Monday morning.

I entered the bathroom to thunderous applause.

Milhouse was sitting in stall numero uno.

His shoes were off.

They were pushed to the side?

I heard toilet paper rustling.

No pants by his ankles?

I heard him muttering to himself.

Yes, Milhouse shit his pants.

I repeat. Milhouse shit his pants.

Milhouse was seen leaving the office at 10am . . . briefcase in hand.

Never to return?

He came back to work 2 days later.

If you haven't figured it out by now, I'll tell you his new nickname.

It's Mr. Hershey.

I was a big fan of that board game Clue.

And yes . . .

Mr Hershey did it.

In the bathroom.

With the plunger?

Poor poor Mr. Herhsey.



I'd like to thank Dr. Pauly for sucking out on me in a NL tournament hosted by Wil Wheaton. He busted me on a three way hand.

Nice catch donkey!

I wish everyone a wonderful Thanksgiving week!

Bonus Code: Pauly

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PokerStars World Blogger Championship of Online Poker

Date: Sun, Oct 14, 2007

I played for 5 hours and 24 minutes.

I finished in 48th place out of 1337 and won a dufflebag.

I got called a donkey for winning big pots with 3-5 and K-2.

Someone's wife even agreed. She was watching over his shoulder.

They were soooted though.

Sore losers.

I got to play with Badblood and Easycure too.

What did you do on Sunday?

Bonus Code: Pauly

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Fantasy Sports Live

Date: Thu, Oct 11, 2007

Pauly's hosting a 10 week fantasy football contest on Fantasy Sports Live.

Stop by his site for more details.

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The more you know. The more you grow.

Date: Sun, Oct 7, 2007

Key West

I don't like how she walks around calling everyone “Papi.” Why do Latin girls do that?

Really? I kind of dig it. It gets me excited.

You should get a lap dance from her then.

I think I will. See ya in 2 minutes 10 seconds.

a. Roberto Colunga

b. DP

c. Grubby

d. Marco Colunga

e. Stb

I’ll give you a hint.

After the lap dance . . . this same blogger said two things to me when I returned to the bar from the private room.

How was it?

And

Let’s hit the food cart on the street and eat some sausages after all the bars and strip clubs close. I heard they were pretty good AND reasonably priced.

My response?

It was dirty . . . . and yes.

This took place at the Dive joint on Sunday morning at 3AM.

We hit up the Classy joint next.

Then we ate.

The comparison?

The Dive had better lap dances but the Classy Joint had better looking girls.

Money was spent at both places.

Unfortunately, I made two mistakes during this trip.

1. I should’ve brought more money with me.

2. I should’ve masturbated before I went to the strip club that first night.

It’s been awhile.

The more you know, the more you grow.

And yes . . . the food from the street vendor rocked.

Grubby’s a wise man.

He also says $4 is a pretty decent rate for a strip club ATM.

I kind of agree. That’s only 20% of the cost of a lap dance.

That’s a small amount to pay to support the Adopt-a-Stripper program.

Stb said it best, “Everyone should adopt a stripper when they can.”

It’s money well spent.

Sally Struthers would agree.

The last time I saw Grubby in Key West, he was handing out VOTE for Morgan McPherson fliers on Duval Street at 6am.

Was the race tilted? There's a runoff for that position now.

Jimmy Weekly or Morgan McPherson for mayor?

Only Grubby knows.

He’ll do anything to win a prop bet.

The more you know, the more you grow.

* * * *

What else happened in Key West?

A lot of good memories.

Cheap beer.

Cheap cigarettes.

Watching Drizz, Roberto Colunga, The Rooster, Joe Speaker, DP and others ride the bull at the cowboy bar. I have no clue how they escaped that prop bet without a swollen penis and bruised testicles.

Speaker made a wardrobe change before he rode the bull.

Drizz punches hard.

I got a lap dance from a drunk stripper at the Dive joint and she kept falling off my lap. She had a Corona in her hand the entire time. She didn’t spill one drop. Of the beer.

Sweet Sweet Gracie.

The Classy strip joint.

Florida is a smoker friendly state.

The not-so-classy strip joint.

3 girls in the crew got a lap dance. Nice.

Anyone else notice that all the roosters disappeared from the streets when The Rooster landed in Key West? Pauly says they disappeared because the head cock was in town.

Marathon poker session at the ACH compound.

Seeing friends walking in and out of the lap dance room.

I slow rolled F Train by mistake. I had A7 on a board that had 3-4-5-J-2. I thought I missed my 7 high straight. He wasn’t amused when I said I missed my straight and only had A high. That’s a wheel you idiot!

The Bad beat machine.

Rebuy!

Playing a $40 buy in NL cash game and realizing a few hours in that we had over $1200 on the table.

A $40 buy in = 2 lap dances.

Our betting increments and decisions to call bets at the poker table were converted into the # of lap dances we could get or lose out on.

I only play good cards.

Tilting Pauly and Sweet sweet Pablo with junk cards.

Poor poor Maudie also suffered the wrath of my suckouts. Suited cards and gutshots are gold.

Never bluff a calling station.

Marco Colunga cooked us a great meal with the fish the guys caught. Great job bro!

Smoking allowed in bars = 2 packs a day habit.

Lots of horny latinas .... my kind of town.

I went over budget with my donations to the adopt a stripper fund. Showing support is important for all humanity.

The dive joint has uglier strippers but they grind better.

I want my money back . .. I didn't see any bottoms. Who do I file a complaint with?

Prop bets galore.

Gambling on odds/evens during the boxing game.

My streak of clogging toilets on the road has continued. I clogged a toilet during my first night in Key West. My suggestion: every hotel should supply each room with a plunger. Miraculously, The Rooster found one outside our room door at 10am. Who knew?

Another Lager please.

Drizz made me laugh during the cash game when he said, “I wager $20.” Not sure why but I thought that was funny. I think that’s a tell.

Putting an ATM by the lap dance room is efficient and effective.

Getting Bacon and a Fried egg on my cheeseburger.

Pablo, Gracie and I watched a couple make out sloppily on Duval Street near the live web cam.

Do you think she’s a former stripper or a current one?

Hemingway used an old urinal from Sloppy Joe’s as a drinking fountain for his cats. Only one of the cats refuses to drink out of it.

Watch out people, I’m going to loosen up my play now.

Viva la ACH! Thanks for the great time.



Does the waitress give lap dances too?

Big Mike and the Philly crew rule!

Didn’t you get the memo? Soccer jersey day was yesterday.

Roberto Colunga professed, “I have to wash the herpes off my pants now.”

Stripper to Gracie: Do you mind if I give your boyfriend another lap dance?

I can cross that off my list of things to do.

I found out there’s a beer Iggy won’t drink even if it’s the only alcohol around. It’s Corona.

A stripper asked me if my hair was real.

Who's thumb went up where? Did he have to pay extra for that?

I’d buy that for a dollar.

Everytime someone paid for something, it was customary to remind them that they needed to get their change back in one dollar bills.

I got kicked in the balls by a stripper. Sloppy lap dance.

Are there any sober strippers here?

I ordered a salmon and shroom omelet near Hemingway’s house and I swear the cook left the restaurant to go catch the fish.

One more dance?

Ernest Hemingway’s house.

6 toed cats.

Before I sucked out on Pauly and Pablo, Grubby turned to me both times and says, “I feel a bad beat coming.” He was right both times. Monster pots.

I won a huge pot with J high.

I lost a huge pot to J high.

I beat Grubby out of a pot with 7 high to his 5 high. We both missed our flush.

Pablo cracked my hammer with KK. Nice catch donkey!

DP and Grubby were prop betting on how long people’s bathroom breaks would take. They also bet on who would get up out of their lazy boy first during the college football games.

DP bought an entire tray of jello shots and Roberto downed most of them.

During the poker game, DP, Grubby, Gracie and myself were playing high card out of the muck for each other’s stacks.

Bully mode.

It’s open until 6am and if you get nude, they get nude.

I require that my strippers have most of their teeth. Front ones are a must.

DP tried to give his underwear to some girl in a bachelorette party?

I pissed on the sidewalk next to a mailbox on Duval Street while Grubby acted as my lookout.

My cab driver at Key West had his daughter with him. She was playing on a laptop in the front seat. She was maybe 5 years old at most. Halfway through the cab ride, she looks over at her dad and says, “Daddy I smell dukie.”

American Airlines charges $3 for snacks.

Geckos.

I hear they have beautiful sunsets in Florida. I hear the same thing about LA but that’s because of the smog.

Poor poor F Train’s calves.

I’m waiting for that cat to pounce on that rooster.

If I was homeless in this town, I’d eat rooster everyday.

Friday nights must be cock fighting night. I don’t see any roosters around today.

I’m sweaty.

Maudie is a pool shark.

My goal of clogging Change100’s toilet went unaccomplished.

Watching DP, Bobby and Speaker buying each other lap dances with the ugliest girls.

Gracie and Grubby betting on flop colors.

* * * *

Here’s a nice educational public service announcement for you . . . .

Strippers are people too. That's someone's sister or daughter. They might be there for entertainment purposes but they’re not toys to play with like matches or a video game. They have feelings too. Just like you or me. So make sure you bring enough money and show a little respect. And don’t forget to rub one out before you seek warmth and comfort from a stripper. Otherwise, you have to run back to your hotel room and hope no one notices you’re missing.

And that's one to grow on.

The more you know. The more you grow.

After careful research (visiting two strip clubs), I’ve decided that Argentina and Venezuela are my new favorite countries.

Baile conmigo por favor.

Los bailes del regazo son el mejor.

Michael J. Fox would be proud. Check out this video.

Thanks again to Al and his crew for another great time.

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PokerStars World Blogger Championship of Online Poker

Date: Tue, Oct 2, 2007

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