LivePokerDonkery

Date: Tue, Aug 26, 2008

It was huge amounts of donkery but I had a good time. I donkeyfucked IT then Cayne Donkeyfucked me bad two times. I finally finished up in second. I did take out TBA and LJ which is always fun. Probably will not play again until the Mookie. I had a great time HU with Cayne. I was laughing my ass off even if the beats were nasty. I.E. 2 Outer and runner-runner two pair. The two outer was actually a hand Cayne could not get away from. The other hand he maybe should have folded the flop but he had chips and thought his king would be good if he hit it on the turn. All in all not bad plays.

I also made another buyin playing LO8 so that was not bad. See you all at the Mookie on Wednesday. You should all show up and try and stop me from taking the title of King of the Mooks. LJ and Bayne will appreciate it.

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Semi Sootable for work?

Date: Mon, Aug 25, 2008

I call it a dick stop trying to have one.

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Could Happen

Date: Mon, Aug 25, 2008

I might work on a post about how to turn your self from a loser to a break even player and some of the things that really matter if you want to play like Waffles but then again I might not. I played a little this weekend. I won a token and had two winning sessions at LO8. Fun game. Easy if you can be patient. A lot of variance possible thought so you need a good mindset. I am currently playing 2/4 but should move up if I win the Mookie bet.

Until I write the post I am working on I will give you a few tips. I think in order to win an MTT you have to suck really bad. I mean you read Hoyazo a lot and say "Wow what a donkey play he sucks bad!".. but I am here to tell you "HE HAS TO SUCK BAD!". It is the right thing to do. You have to be as bad as Hoyazo to win one of these things. It is the only way. The real skill is knowing when to suck and when to not suck so much. See MTT play is easy. I should write a book.

Good luck to you all. I may hit up Instant Sean's MTT tonight. Not sure. While playing a 15 person MTT does not excite me much I probably should support the guy. Right? I mean he is a good guy or something. Even if he is dating a pig. No she is not fat. Just a cop. Well she could be fat. I do not know. Have not seen her nude yet. Damn pig cops!!!! I will never surrender!!!! Anyway.. If you want to play here are the details.

What: The LivePokerRadio.com Tour Monday Night Madness
Time : 10 P.M. ET Full Tilt Poker Tonight
Buy In: $10 + $1
Format : Double Stack NLHE KNOCKOUT! $2 Bounty per player
PW : Boom

I feel retarded just typing that. Oh well. Fun fun. See you guys there possibly.

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Riverchasers Bastard Leader

Date: Fri, Aug 22, 2008

What the hell is wrong with Riggstad? I mean even Hoyazo would show up for his own fucking MTT. You would think a rockstar like Riggs would at least make an appearance once in a while to the Riverfuckers. At the very least you might think he would send his little toadie.

Anyhow the mood hit me. I felt like playing this "MTT" and so joined 13 other donkeys in the effort to not slit my wrists. I sorta of took the tact of not giving a fuck if I won or lost. In that mode I put on 7 BRUUUUTAL beats to people including getting in with second pair several times only to pull out two pair and going allllllll the way with JJ vs 44 on a 4xx flop. In my defense he did overcall pre-flop. BWAHAHAHAHA. I would get paid back for my evil ways. I made the money in third place but the other two donkeys including Skiddoo ended up sucking out on me 4x in a row to end my night. It was pretty brutal but fun. So remember people play the RNG not the cards.

I guess third is not so bad. The double up playing LO8 at the same time did not hurt either. I had the nut straight all the way and two people called every bet INCLUDING the river for my one hand of the night. Wheeeeeee. Always a fun game when you are winning. I may hit the tables for a few tokens this weekend. I failed my first attempt. I started off good getting a nice 4k chip lead. I then got cold called by a moron AK vs A2 or some bullshit like that and he won. I went out shortly after in tenth on some other donkey play. Morons. I really hate blackjack players. Oh well. No complaints. A profit is a profit and I had a little donkelishish fun myself.

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Screw Harrington

Date: Thu, Aug 21, 2008

Who knew. All these years I read books and played poker. The real secret. The more Bayne calls me a fucking idiot the better I do. Keep on hating bro. Great job tonight IG. Four games left to get it done. Bayne must be sweating. This is a far worse image than LJ sweating. His fat sweaty body and bald head dripping with sweat just does not do it for me.

I think tonights Mookie which I took second in came down to a few hands. I really had terrible cards early and played way too loose. I survived that despite myself. I then rejammed AT vs 55 and spiked my Ace. My thinking in the hand was my opponent did not have me covered and I needed chips if I wanted to go deep. Really the thing that makes MTT play a donkeyment is the fact that YOU NEED CHIPS.

The proof that I need chips came at the final table. I had finally chipped up a little and had a nice top three stack. I got all in with KK vs 99 and lost. I do not fault my opponent for his play. Given the circumstances I might do the same thing. I just happened to have a big hand. If I had not accumulated a ton of chips that would have been the end of my night. Accumulation is important. Tight may be right but then you are setting yourself up for pain.

The final thing that sealed my night was being a little too passive. I sucked them up inside and besides a few moves to keep even I really never made my move. OSU really put a clinic on as far as aggressive chip gathering. Instead of sitting on his ass when he got knocked down to 30k he worked it back up to double without showing a single hand. Now if he could stop getting sucked out on he might be a good player.

It finally got down to three players and I saw that OSU and IG were going nutz on each other. They both had 50k stacks and I had 20k. So I sat back. Stole here and there and waited for them to kill each other. Finally IG finished him off on a seriously cooler of a board and I was looking at a 135K to 20K deficit. I was not able to make a miracle comeback.

All in all I think I did alright but there were a few places I could have done better. So when I started this challenge I had 9 games to make $300. Even some of my closest poker buddies sneared at me. I now have 4 games to make $40. IF all things stay the same I feel good about my chances.

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To Iak With Love

Date: Wed, Aug 20, 2008

Of course, this has sparked its own forum thread and ytmnd, which is good because the original post got deleted off of Craigslist. The druid didn't respond well to her infamy, writing a follow-up for the ages: "Hi, I'd just like to thank the (expletive deleted) who thought it would be funny to post my picture all over the internet and make 50000 threads about me on the wow forums. I got my epic mount in about an hour that was very enjoyable for both parties while all you idiots probably spent hundreds of hours farming for yours or don't even have them. ... So talk all the trash you want, I got MY epic flying mount AND I got laid which is more than you failures can ever hope for." Wow, she sure showed us. All I have is my lousy 60 percent speed mount and my self-respect.

All of the original Craigs list postings are deleted as well as links in the forums. Wow insider has the post above about the chick selling her body for a mount. A mount for a mount if you will. Here is a photo with the original ad and the followup. For the record I would probably hit that.

Since you seem so interested here is an offer for Mario Brothers Anal.

Also in case you were interested. The EPiC mount costs 5000 gold. You can buy the gold online for twenty dollars. So she maybe just wanted to get laid? Perhaps she has never seen the millions of gold sellers on the internet? Hmm.

Oh and AlCantHang -- GALAGA ROX!!!!!!!

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MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOK!

Date: Wed, Aug 20, 2008

Tonight is the exciting Mookie extravaganza. I have five more shots to become king of the Mooks. Everyone is hating on me. It feels good. I have been waiting for LJ to return to the Mookie before I win the whole thing. It just would not be the same if she was not there to witness my triumph. The look of adoring awe on her face will be priceless. What. It could happen. She has stated she will be in it tonight so I can finish off this silly bet and get on to more important things. See you all tonight.

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Modern Technology

Date: Tue, Aug 19, 2008

How soon will it be until beggars on the street play Guitar Hero on their free wireless connection for your quarters instead of those lousy instruments they play now? I mean I would be much more willing to pay some dude playing a cool song from Guitar Hero than the fucking retarded smelly asshole banging on some paint drums so loud my ears start bleeding. Thank God for technology.

I have purchased my EPiC MOUNT in Warcraft. This is the mount that some chick fucked a greasy WoW player for. That is how valuable it is. If you would like to blow me I would let you watch me ride the EPiC mount. Just send a message to Moosenipple on the Alterac Mountain server.

Mookie tomorrow night. Woot. Perhaps that will bring the quality of my posts up. I have five more shots at taking over the leader board. I feel good about all of my performances so far except one. I am feeling strong coming into the final legs of the competition.

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Blogging Revolution

Date: Mon, Aug 18, 2008

I have a new and revolutionary idea for blogging. We should start blogging on SKIN. If you are ugly like me this is how it would work. You would hire a hooker and write your blog on her naked skin. You would then take a picture and post your daily blog. If you are a hottie then you could potentially write on yourself. Still need to come up with a good name for this new technique. Would be great to see it in practice out there. Think of some of the major benefits.. you have never had more potential to call George Bush an asshole than using this method. Think about it people. Good stuff.

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Indecision

Date: Fri, Aug 15, 2008

I think as I focus more and somehow improve my meta game I realize some of the things I do wrong. I think the thing that killed me in the Mookie besides only having 3 top 10 hands all game was a bit of frustration and indecision.

I realize I sometimes get frustrated in hyper aggressive games. I think this describes NY Rambler perfectly. I do respect his game actually because he can mix it up well. He had been re-raising me a lot along with Corron stealing my blind. The hand before he jammed in on the turn and I had AK-Ace high. I leaked about 2k of chips in that pot. I was very tempted to call with Ace high because I thought he was making a move on me. I also considered he might have a smallish pair. I think my indecision in the hand is what got me though. I should have just bet big on the flop and pushed him out. Otherwise I should have folded the flop with my missed AK. His cold call pre-flop did not mean much. I put his hand range as a small pair to Ax. So I should have acted accordingly instead of check-calling his flop bet and folding the turn. I basically said my hand is weak take the pot.

Same thing with the Zeem hand. I look down to see pocket threes. With Zeem I think I should have jammed his pre-flop raise. I doubt he calls with A5o there. I could be wrong. I have enough respect for his game to know he can make a laydown. Instead I call his bet pre-flop and jam the Axx flop. He obviously calls not putting me on any kind of Ace and I go home two hands later. The indecision pre-flop cost me here. I also should have folded the flop when he lead out. Possibly some frustration leaked in here too.

Anyway there are some things to look at in my thought process here. I look forward to that. One move I actually liked was calling off my entire stack with 57 spades. I was a little short stacked at 1200 chips or so. I get a raise before me and a cold call. So I decide to go along for the ride. The button then makes a classic squeeze trying to take down the pot. Both people before me fold. So I am getting really good odds to call with ATC assuming I do not give him credit for a big hand. So I make the call and he turns over 92o. I expected something a little higher but that would do. I turn a straight to get me some chips and start my run for the final two tables. The groans from the peanut gallery were enough reward to make that a +EV play.

I am going to try and get a few hands in this weekend. Mostly playing tokens and make some LO8 to try and offset any token costs. Should be fun. Have a good weekend.

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MOOOOOOOOOOOOOK

Date: Wed, Aug 13, 2008

Here is a demonstration of how my wife thinks vs how I think. We had this conversation about an article in the newspaper. An old man visited his wife in the Alzheimer house and hugged and kissed her. They have been married for sixty one years.

Wife: Ohhh that is so sweet. He loves her so much. He goes down every weekend and hugs and kisses her. I am so touched. blah blah blah sentimental shit blah blah.

Me: Holy shit what a fucking pervert! I bet his is sticking his cock in her back and rubbing one out. She never wanted sex with him when she was sane so now he is getting his revenge. BWAHAHAHA. Stop me now you fucking whore! Your my Alzheimer's bitch whore! BWAAHAHAHAH! What's that? You have a headache? FUCK YOU WHORE!!! HAHAHA! I am raping my Alzheimer puppet whore! Life is good! WOOOT!

So apparently we have different opinions on things. Tonight is the Mookie. I have six more appearances in the Mookie to get a hundred and fifty bucks and take over the lead. All this assumes everything stays the way it is now. I could potentially win the bet tonight. So all you haters get out there and send your hate. Fuel me up and lets get this fucker done. See you there.

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Who Knew?

Date: Tue, Aug 12, 2008

Who Knew Riggstad had a brain. I did not. I talk to him a lot too. He wrote a really good article for AlCantHang and Full Tilt Poker. I am really looking forward to part two which will go into more details in figuring out what kind of chop you should ask for. Not that I play live poker much mind you.

Also this just in I was called a lucksack for the umpteenth time this week. I am really beginning to believe I am lucky. WOOT!

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Feed me the Hate

Date: Mon, Aug 11, 2008

First off let me say leaving your sun roof down over night in a thunderstorm is not such a good idea.

So I tossed out the challenge to Hoyazo and apparently he is too exalted on his throne of awesomeness to come down to the mortal realm and take up the challenge. I personally think he will not do this because if he lost he would NEVER EVER live it down in ten thousand years.

All is not lost though my friends because I have found some motivation. First off Choad somewhat unexpectedly has come out of retirement, impregnated his saint of a wife, I mean she has to be if she lives with him right, and started playing again. As totally expected he has mocked my Hoyazo challenge. In all seriousness go wish him well with the expected bundle of joy.

However in an unexpected move Iak totally put the slam down on me. This actually really motivates me to GIT-R-DONE. Freaking one hit wonder. I honestly think he is probably still mad because I called him Fat Iakaris and said he would never make it to the sun with that lard ass. I really meant it in the best way possible. I was just looking out for you bro!!! Really. Ok I was really just gloating because I was so jealous when the hot chicks went straight to you like a bee to a flower and now not so much.. Alright not everyone is motivated by hate and trying to prove people wrong. I will try more gentile methods next time to help you along your way.

Anyhow he dropped the gauntlet and told me I am a freaking loser and will NEVER win an MTT until hell freezes over and Michael Moore has Anal sex with George Bush. I am paraphrasing but fuck man it is my world and I choose to perceive it my way.

So while I am NOT competing with Hoyazo I expect you will be reading some interesting things in this blog in the near future. Stay tuned my hatahs stay tuned.

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I Challenge Ye to a Duel to the Death

Date: Fri, Aug 8, 2008

However before that.. do you think LJ is sweating now? Cause I can picture her sweating after that last Mookie second place finish of mine. Yeah. Sweat. Wet. White T-Shirt LJ. MMMM. Tasty.

Oh yeah where was I. Um. yeah. So anyways I like giving myself challenges. I think it takes my game to new levels. I really feel like I am playing some transcended poker at the Mookie. So I figure I might as well start lining up the next challenge. Here it is. I call you out Hoyazo. I want you to contact me for the most ridiculous bet I have ever attempted. Yes this eclipses the Naked CK bet I lost. I challenge you to a first place MTT winner winner chicken dinner contest.

The rules are simple. We will pick an medium size MTT like the 28K for instance. One that costs $26 or lower. Hey what can I say I am bankroll responsible these days. We will then play this MTT as much or as little as we want. The first person to take the numero uno number one spot in the MTT wins the bet. Pure and simple. Easy peazy. We can have a time limit on this bet of a few months to a year to make it viable.

Now this is why this is a good bet for you.

1. I have not finished first in a general MTT in over two years. Amazing huh? Judging by the way you write I assume you finish first routinely in these things. At the very least you have had more firsts this year than I have.

2. I have not even final tabled a big MTT recently.

3. Your an expert pro MTT player with more funds. I will probably be playing like 1-2 of the 28K games a week so you will get 50% to 75% more chances to win the bet.

So there is my challenge. I am calling you out to setup the details. I know this will be an even HARDER challenge for me than winning the Mookie bet but I am ready. I believe that with the focus I gain from this bet I will dominate you and win easily. You on the other hand will be left with your chin dropping wondering how the hell you ever lost such an easy bet. I shall reach my transcended form and win a big MTT finally. Are you up for it or are you one of those pussy loser's you talk about on your blog?

Ship it baby.

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