I am Lazy

Date: Tue, May 27, 2008

Dr Pauly said to post this. I am too lazy to type anything of my own so i copied it word for word. From the doctor. Even his copywrite. Because I am lazy. I have not read enough about the UB cheating scandal to comment but I will read up some more. Mostly I have not paid much attention because I never played on either site. Probably a bad attitude. I have no idea how much of this is fact or fiction but the guys at 2+2 while assholes do know their poker and are very good at uncovering these things.

One thing I have always wondered is why build in a "god mode" for your poker software at all? I mean what possible reason is there to be able to see cards at a table? It can only lead to mischief. If you need to review a hand you can do so after the fact with the logfiles. No poker software should have this option. Does anyone know if the other big sites have this option? Full Tilt? Bodog? Pokerstars? If so why and in light of the recent scandals why not remove the option? As a programmer I find this a n even more fascinating question.

UB Cheating Scandal: Notes from the Underground

By Pauly
Hollyweird, CA

Shamus mentioned that I should post this important message on my blog and now, I'm suggesting that you do the same.

If you play online poker (especially if you are one of the blind fools still playing on UB), it's in everyone's best interest to spread the word on this important thread...

Superusers and Silence: How UltimateBet let players get cheated for millions by Steven Ware & Cornell Fiji (2+2)

Here's a sample:

I believe that it is important for online poker players to know about the unethical business practices of UltimateBet and Absolute Poker. It is also imperative to understand that these unscrupulous activities are not an indictment on the entire online poker industry. As you read this thread please keep in mind that UltimateBet and Absolute Poker are owned by the same company. They are also regulated by the same puppet regulatory commission. Most poker sites are run with the utmost integrity and security. UltimateBet and Absolute Poker are the exception and not the rule.

I urge the concerned reader to pass word of this summary on to other interested parties. The spread of this information will ultimately protect poker players from unknowingly exposing themselves to the corruption detailed below...

The players on UltimateBet were victims of a serious crime: grand larceny facilitated by a company that operates virtually outside the law. I hope that the efforts spent investigating and publicizing this story will help the victims of these crimes find restitution. I hope that this story will also highlight the need for independent regulation in the online poker industry.

Please use this thread to discuss the the best way to convince UltimateBet to come clean about their involvement in this theft and to provide restitution for these crimes. Please also use this thread to discuss the best ways to ensure that a scandal such as this one does not taint the game of poker occur ever again.... More

And if you don't have a blog, email the thread to all of your poker friends.

I know that I definitely pissed off several industry insiders by bringing attention to this morbid atrocity in the poker world, but I had to say something since a lot of major media players are avoiding it or they are simply too busy prepping for the WSOP to shine the light on another cheating scandal.

The truth is out there. Trust no one.


Original content written and provided by Pauly from Tao of Poker at www.taopoker.com. All rights reserved. RSS feeds are for non-commercial use only.

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Stupid MTT

Date: Mon, May 26, 2008

I am getting really fucking sick of MTTs. I play great the whole game and am in position to possibly win. I played something like 12% of my hands or less. Meaning I was tight and only showed down good hands. SO I raise Jeciimd blind and he jams A4. What fucking retard jams A4? Even saying you are ahead of say A2 or A3 what the fuck? I can see if I was a super lagtard like.. ohhh .. jeciimd.. but even if I have KQ your racing for your whole stack with a fucking A4. Jesus. Fucking retards always get paid off. I am really enjoying cash games a lot more than this bullshit bingo crap. Fucker will probably win. Fucking three outs pre-flop is enough for retarded tourists. God I am mad. I can not even play now.

Dumb bastard is the worst tight type player ever. He will play tight but he will wildly overplay shit hands all the time. Of course he gets fucking paid. I sort of thought I was doomed when he floppped a flush draw. I dodged that and he rivers a straight. Man this sucks. Very disappointing.

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Hello My Name is Waffles

Date: Mon, May 26, 2008

Hello my name is Waffles and I am a recovering loser.

I know you come to the blog to hear about my wild blowout of huge, medium and small bankrolls. I try to indulge you as much as I can. I really do love you all.. you enablers of mediocrity.. you lovers of train wrecks.. you really are my people. I have been a loser for four years. We are talking poker here let's just keep it professional. Sure I am mostly break even since people give me free money to enable my losing. This is day 37 of my recovery. I have been winning for these few days. I will not say it is always easy. I often times tell eleven dollar SNG players I hope they die. Mostly only when they call my all in with pockets two's against my queens on a 678 board and turn a two. However this is the path to my losing addiction. I currently have a good small bankroll which I am grinding upward. It sits at 900 at the moment and hopefully will continue to grow as I attend my Stud meetings and SNG recovery programs.

I do miss you all. I know I am neglecting my old friends but sometimes you have to leave the old life behind in order to have success in your recovery. Possibly when I have been in recovery longer I can come back and hang out with you. Until then I wish you all well. Until then I know you will all be praying that I fall off the wagon.

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Now for a Message from Evil Waffles

Date: Thu, May 22, 2008

Dealer: barky11 has 15 seconds left to act
Dealer: SirFWALGMan shows [Jh Kd]
Dealer: barky11 shows [Kc 3h]
Dealer: SirFWALGMan shows two pair, Kings and
Sevens
Dealer: barky11 shows two pair, Kings and
Sevens
Dealer: barky11 ties for the pot (10,030) with
two pair, Kings and Sevens
Dealer: SirFWALGMan ties for the pot (10,030) with
two pair, Kings and Sevens
Dealer: Hand #6514283764

*** First Donkey Number on calls a pre-flop raise dominated K3 vs KJ then the motherfucker calls the Kxx board all in on the flop for most of his chips and runer-runner a tie.

SirFWALGMan: man
SirFWALGMan: that sucked lol
Dealer: sweatinitout wins the pot (5,200)
Dealer: Hand #6514289463
Dealer: SirFWALGMan shows [2s As]
Dealer: sweatinitout shows [Th Kh]
Dealer: SirFWALGMan shows Ace King high
Dealer: sweatinitout shows two pair, Kings and
Tens
Dealer: sweatinitout wins the pot (20,060) with
two pair, Kings and Tens
Dealer: SirFWALGMan finishes in 4th place and
wins: $45
Dealer: Hand #6514294635

*** Next This idiot calls my all in jam with KT for 86% of his stack. Stupid motherfucker is behind and flops a fucking KT. How the fuck can you play these things if nobody ever folds. I end up in 4th place for baby money instead of 3rd or better for a nice little score. Combined with my nice exit from the Mookie 222 vs 666. Ug. Fucking FTOPS idiot moron. heh. Nah he was just lucky but he played great. Anyways.. it triggered this nice exchange..

SirFWALGMan (Observer): and the idiot gets paid
off
SirFWALGMan (Observer): riddiculous
SirFWALGMan (Observer): mron
Dealer: Hand #6514296762
SirFWALGMan (Observer): moron
SirFWALGMan (Observer): idiot
SirFWALGMan (Observer): azzhole
SirFWALGMan (Observer): @@&%er
Dealer: barky11 wins the pot (800)
Dealer: Hand #6514298820
SirFWALGMan (Observer): scumbag
Dealer: sweatinitout has 15 seconds left to act
System: The $11,000 Guarantee (Rebuy)
($20+$2 NL Hold'em) will be starting in 4
minutes.
SirFWALGMan (Observer): everytime some idiot
gets luckier than hell moron
Dealer: barky11 has 15 seconds left to act
SirFWALGMan (Observer): hope your $$!% falls off

Of course I am up 30 bucks for the night so I do not know why I am complaining. Ahh fuck it. That was a sick beat. Glad I am a cash specialist now.

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Inspired By Katitude

Date: Wed, May 21, 2008

She is very inspirational. I followed her creative process and decided to do my own logo for Live Poker Radio. I took into account Buddy Dank and IT and the show in general and came up with this great concept logo that I think captures the essence of the show.

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Sweet Night

Date: Tue, May 20, 2008

I had one of the best nights ever playing cash. Not in terms of money won but in terms of buyins. I could not be stopped. Initially it started off slow with me losing a buyin in Stud. I then switched to HORSE and in my worst game O8 I took two HUGE posts with the nuts. I then destroyed people in Stud so bad that the table broke with me up 3 buyins. At the same time I had a NLHE table open. I figured I would donate some. Instead I end up 2 BUYINS! Holy shit. I really never do this well. I then asked Pushmonkey whats next. LHE! Ok. Sweet. Up over a buyin there and then it was time for the MATH. I flamed out early and went back to cash where I took a buyin and a half in Stud. So all in all a very nice night. Broke back over the 500 point and hopefully I can ride the surge tonight and really take a jump towards that 1K mark. Why the fuck not right? Tonights NLO(8?) game should be funny as hell. I bet I could fold to second. Hopefully this ends up as quick as I think it will. See you all tonight.

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I need a change

Date: Mon, May 19, 2008

[18:38] SirFWALGMan: I suck this month
[18:38] SirFWALGMan: what the fuck is up with that
[18:38] Mookie: lol
[18:38] Mookie: play better :)
[18:38] SirFWALGMan: I dont know what that means
[18:38] Mookie: hahaha

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My Baby Girl is Growing Up

Date: Mon, May 19, 2008

My little girl.. *sniff*.. just hit a milestone.. *Sniff*.. She.. she.. rode her bike without training wheels. WAHHHHHH! They grow up so fast. Pretty soon she is going to be crying when I tell her she can not date until she is 99. My little four year old. *sigh*.

My nine year old son just finished his first MCAST tests. You know those retarded tests they give kids to tell if they have enough basic information to pass the grade. So the teachers dumb down the entire curriculum to focus on passing the MCAST and everyone is stupider for it. I think he did pretty well. We shall see. The boy is an enigma like his dad. If he is not interested in a subject you can talk until your head falls off and he will not do well.. but if he likes the material he will attack it like a vicious bulldog and get straight A's without much effort. Of course this kind of thing is frowned upon in our society until you actually work for a living. You can then look back at your idiotic fifth grade teacher who gave you an F and say "Damn bitch you would make more working at McDonalds.. Fuck you.. check me out!!". Until then it will be rough for him.

Still have to get that damn exercise elliptical thing. Going on month five. I suck. I am concerned though. It seems like people who make pants these days are retarded. They design them to show your underwear like some retarded ghetto kid. Flaring hip design or something I dunno. It works horribly for me since I am totally fat in the middle but skinny everywhere else for the most part. So I can not find a pair of pants I can run in and not feel like I am going to be naked soon. Yeahhhh baby! That is gonna hurt your brain for a while.

Poker is poker. It is the same ole thing. I am patiently waiting for that jump that gets me to the next cash level but currently am wallowing at the 400-500 level. With jumps as low as 340 and as high as 540. The fluctuation's in bankroll are what drive me crazy and while I have seen some Evil Waffles comments lately I have been holding it together pretty well. I am not sure if I will ever get to the point where Poker does not bother me but I think I am making some progress.

I did have a nice Stud session last night. Second hand I am dealt rolled up fours**. My next two cards are AA. I slow play it through 5th street getting 3-5 callers for every bet. I then end up getting it capped on 6th and 7th street three ways. It does not get any better in Stud than that. I ended up taking down a nice 28BB pot. The table then broke and I left with my profit intact.

I also played a SNG where I 2-outted people twice and just hit every hand like crazy. I ended up with like 10K in chips.. and I still only took second. I just could not put it away HU. Oh well. Shit happens. The SNG trail has been pretty streaky but overall I am starting to show some profit.

I think tonight will be mostly Monday at the Hoy. My May has sucked in the BBT3 and I HAVE to turn it around this week or I can say goodbye to a second seat. I feel good about tonight. Good luck to you all.

** For those of you who are not smart and beautiful like CK rolled up fours are 444 starting hand in Stud. Loved her Waffle comment also. Not sure if it was intentional or not.

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Beautiful

Date: Fri, May 16, 2008

I saw the most beautiful woman a couple of days ago.. She had a night smoking hot body.. her pants formed around her lovely ass and made a V between her legs.. and I swear the V formed a mouth and it started talking to me.. It told me how she wanted to get down on all fours and angle that cute ass up in the air.. and just beg for me to come in and take her with all I have.. to make her mine.. It wanted me to fuck her hard as she howled at the moon like the she bitch she was.. really.. I know this is hard to believe.. but that is my story and I am sticking with it... I am still hard four days later.

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Love Elf An Uber Super Duper Genius

Date: Fri, May 16, 2008

The beautiful and extremely smart (like Einstein yo but sexy!) Love Elf has posted her latest grades. She is a straight A student as expected. Everyone go by and give her a great big pat on the back.

As far as her mom idea fuck that. My mom was not horrible.. but we are not close at all. I think I have mentioned before that she let an ear infection go so bad that I became deaf in one ear. So not the most attentive mother I suppose. Sometimes I think that it would be awesome to have had good relationships with either parent. I hear the nice stories from the Elf and others.. but it just is not there and I can not make it up. Mom is still around and I do the obligatory Turkey Day, Xmas visits but that is about it. I also think she is a total jerk to my kids. She treats my fucked up sisters kid much better. Ah well. This is life. The retarded wheel gets the grease as they say and man is my sister squeaky.

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I played me

Date: Thu, May 15, 2008

I was hitting the LHE table last night for the hell of it and ran into myself. It was pretty interesting. I was in a foul mood anyways since my KKK got beaten by AAA.. happens.. and I am on a small downswing.. So I sit at this table and this guy just berates the hell out of everyones play. When he raises his AJ s00ted and catches runner-runner flush against two pair it is alright.. or when he calls pre-flop raises with KJ against AK it is fine.. but everyone else is horrible and he is fucking their mothers and sisters while he plays which explains his great play. It was ME! It was Waffles at the table. So I called him a Nimrod and told him to STFU. It was pretty funny. Unfortunately I was unable to stack him as he sat with his whole $900 bankroll and bragged about it all night. Retard. He lives in his mommies basement loft also which really made me think he was a winner. Anyway it was a refreshing look at what I am striving against (some days more successfully than others).. Tonight is the Riverfuckers. Should be fun.

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Bloggerment Poll

Date: Wed, May 14, 2008

Q: Which blogger has sucked out on you the most lifetime.

A. Bayne
B. LJ
C. Surflexus
D. Sucko
E. 23Skiddoo
F. PushMonkey
G. Other

Please feel free to mention any particularly brutal beats said person has put on you that you wish recorded for posterity sake.

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Sexcapades of Waffles

Date: Tue, May 13, 2008

Since I have no bad beat stories to write I thought I would share some more of my past life with you. When I was a young man in my teens I met a lovely woman named Vanessa. She was a fiery red she devil and I really liked her. I met her through a bible study group. Excellent place to get laid by the way. If you are looking to hook up hit it. We spent a while dating and playing basketball together. She was a huge tomboy with gigantic tits and was a blast to hang out with.

Finally the night came when I could get lucky. I was still a virgin at 18 and had yet to find my stride. So she sets up this nice little candle deal next to her mattress. She takes off her shirt and bra and commands me to start sucking those mammoths. In true Waffles style I suddenly got a case of the super giggles and could not stop laughing. Hint to those inexperienced people out there: this is NOT the right thing to do. Anyhow this would NOT be the day I lost my virginity. I suppose I was just too nervous to pull it together. I can not really fathom any other reason for hysterical giggling here. It would be three more years before I had my next shot at not being a virgin. I really need to final table the WSOP and spend the in between months at one of the ranches. If you know what I mean. Peace out.

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If you are not..

Date: Tue, May 13, 2008

If you are not reading CarmenSinCity and her writeup about some psycho she dated years ago you should it is really good stuff even if it is hard to read.

Her boyfriend actually reminds me of my wifes ex-boyfriend a little bit. He never was abusive like Carmen's boyfriend but I had an interesting interaction with him. I was down visiting her parents house. Now her parents loved this guy and thought she should marry him instead of some jew bag like me. Anyway we were visiting and her parents invite him over. He asks me if I will take a ride with him in his truck and I am like sure why not. So we are driving along and he pulls out a magnum and shows it to me. Starts telling me about his gun and all this shit. He obviously did not know you can not intimidate an insane person. However it was a pretty interesting experience.

The wife hated his creepy stalking personality so when she moved she had all her phone numbers made private and did not tell him anything about where she went. Who knows where he is today probably stalking some new chick or living in his mommas basement like he was before.

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