Beautiful

Date: Fri, May 16, 2008

I saw the most beautiful woman a couple of days ago.. She had a night smoking hot body.. her pants formed around her lovely ass and made a V between her legs.. and I swear the V formed a mouth and it started talking to me.. It told me how she wanted to get down on all fours and angle that cute ass up in the air.. and just beg for me to come in and take her with all I have.. to make her mine.. It wanted me to fuck her hard as she howled at the moon like the she bitch she was.. really.. I know this is hard to believe.. but that is my story and I am sticking with it... I am still hard four days later.

Love Elf An Uber Super Duper Genius

Date: Fri, May 16, 2008

The beautiful and extremely smart (like Einstein yo but sexy!) Love Elf has posted her latest grades. She is a straight A student as expected. Everyone go by and give her a great big pat on the back.

As far as her mom idea fuck that. My mom was not horrible.. but we are not close at all. I think I have mentioned before that she let an ear infection go so bad that I became deaf in one ear. So not the most attentive mother I suppose. Sometimes I think that it would be awesome to have had good relationships with either parent. I hear the nice stories from the Elf and others.. but it just is not there and I can not make it up. Mom is still around and I do the obligatory Turkey Day, Xmas visits but that is about it. I also think she is a total jerk to my kids. She treats my fucked up sisters kid much better. Ah well. This is life. The retarded wheel gets the grease as they say and man is my sister squeaky.

I played me

Date: Thu, May 15, 2008

I was hitting the LHE table last night for the hell of it and ran into myself. It was pretty interesting. I was in a foul mood anyways since my KKK got beaten by AAA.. happens.. and I am on a small downswing.. So I sit at this table and this guy just berates the hell out of everyones play. When he raises his AJ s00ted and catches runner-runner flush against two pair it is alright.. or when he calls pre-flop raises with KJ against AK it is fine.. but everyone else is horrible and he is fucking their mothers and sisters while he plays which explains his great play. It was ME! It was Waffles at the table. So I called him a Nimrod and told him to STFU. It was pretty funny. Unfortunately I was unable to stack him as he sat with his whole $900 bankroll and bragged about it all night. Retard. He lives in his mommies basement loft also which really made me think he was a winner. Anyway it was a refreshing look at what I am striving against (some days more successfully than others).. Tonight is the Riverfuckers. Should be fun.

Bloggerment Poll

Date: Wed, May 14, 2008

Q: Which blogger has sucked out on you the most lifetime.

A. Bayne
B. LJ
C. Surflexus
D. Sucko
E. 23Skiddoo
F. PushMonkey
G. Other

Please feel free to mention any particularly brutal beats said person has put on you that you wish recorded for posterity sake.

Sexcapades of Waffles

Date: Tue, May 13, 2008

Since I have no bad beat stories to write I thought I would share some more of my past life with you. When I was a young man in my teens I met a lovely woman named Vanessa. She was a fiery red she devil and I really liked her. I met her through a bible study group. Excellent place to get laid by the way. If you are looking to hook up hit it. We spent a while dating and playing basketball together. She was a huge tomboy with gigantic tits and was a blast to hang out with.

Finally the night came when I could get lucky. I was still a virgin at 18 and had yet to find my stride. So she sets up this nice little candle deal next to her mattress. She takes off her shirt and bra and commands me to start sucking those mammoths. In true Waffles style I suddenly got a case of the super giggles and could not stop laughing. Hint to those inexperienced people out there: this is NOT the right thing to do. Anyhow this would NOT be the day I lost my virginity. I suppose I was just too nervous to pull it together. I can not really fathom any other reason for hysterical giggling here. It would be three more years before I had my next shot at not being a virgin. I really need to final table the WSOP and spend the in between months at one of the ranches. If you know what I mean. Peace out.

If you are not..

Date: Tue, May 13, 2008

If you are not reading CarmenSinCity and her writeup about some psycho she dated years ago you should it is really good stuff even if it is hard to read.

Her boyfriend actually reminds me of my wifes ex-boyfriend a little bit. He never was abusive like Carmen's boyfriend but I had an interesting interaction with him. I was down visiting her parents house. Now her parents loved this guy and thought she should marry him instead of some jew bag like me. Anyway we were visiting and her parents invite him over. He asks me if I will take a ride with him in his truck and I am like sure why not. So we are driving along and he pulls out a magnum and shows it to me. Starts telling me about his gun and all this shit. He obviously did not know you can not intimidate an insane person. However it was a pretty interesting experience.

The wife hated his creepy stalking personality so when she moved she had all her phone numbers made private and did not tell him anything about where she went. Who knows where he is today probably stalking some new chick or living in his mommas basement like he was before.

Evy My Love Thank You

Date: Tue, May 13, 2008

I was going to write about how Bayne sucked out on me after jamming all his chips in on the turn with 12 outs. Bayne was happy getting his money in as a 27% dog but whatever. Instead I will talk about how my darling Evy knocked him out and how we both made the same amount of money except I wasted less time. Bayne did try to excuse his bad play by saying he was "representing" the straight. Um. Ya right. I did not buy that for a second. Oh well.

Tonight actually turned out pretty good as I destroyed some SNGs and brought my roll back up to just shy of 500 again. I could have capped 500 tonight but with four left I overplayed 17 outs or so against TPTK. Oh well. What can you do. I could have scored a bunch more times if my AQ held up against A9 and the like.. but of course I could have lost a few more if my A4 lost against AK and my TPTK lost against two pair instead of sucking out trips.

So that is the essence of poker. I promise more sexcapades tomorrow. Cya then.

Anti-Ad's for Astin

Date: Mon, May 12, 2008

I was walking down the street today and passed one of those old people death homes. You know what I am talking about. The place you put people who are old so you do not have to deal with them. I walk by and these old ladies come out and start walking towards me. It was like a scene out of Dawn of the Dead. I figured some of the handlers were walking the old people and was not overly concerned until they got near me. Suddenly this old woman has her tongue in my mouth and her dentures fall in.. while this old woman in a wheel chair is trying to unzip my fly with her arthritic hands. Now I am pretty sure old chicks are on my will not do list.. so I pulled away, spit the old gals dentures out, and ran for a few blocks until I finally escaped. Luckily none of them had motorized wheel chairs or I would have been doomed. I tried to figure out what the hell just happened and then remembered I bought some new Axe deodorant this weekend. Be careful people that stuff is dangerous.

I also tried some Coke-Zero. I can not decide if I like this stuff or not. They really named it well as it seems to have almost zero taste but yet I can not decide if I like it or not. Very confusing. At least it does not have the aftertaste of diet coke. Will keep you posted.

This weekend was a downswing on the poker front. I was pretty bummed out. I took a nice 140 swing down. Ick. No tilty sessions or anything just kept losing at the stake I am playing. However I realize this is normal and not a concern. I did lose my serene nice Waffle field a lot this weekend and threw out a few moron and idiot comments. I need to work on that a little. I am sure I will hit a nice hot spot again and win a bunch of cash. It is just how poker works. This morning I jumped on a quickie 6-max SNG and took first to win around forty bucks. Hopefully we can keep this going.

Tonight is Monday at the Hoy! I am going to try and take this bitch down. I really need to start making some points in May if I am going to have any chance at a second seat. Loretta is really running hot and I can not let him get too much of a lead. At least Bayne is still running cold and my victory against him will be assured if he can not win a seat to the TOC. Still some time to go.

Where the fuck are my May Flowers?

Date: Fri, May 9, 2008

Man I need some motivation to kick it up a notch in May. I called out Loretta to start the motivational fluids rocking.

I am coming for you! Your donkery must be stopped in May as it was in April! The BOOM will be silenced! heh. Nice chop bwt. Loretta* bah.

Fucking everyone is chopping TOC seats in this goddamn game. What the fuck every happened to pride and being a real winner. I bet someone who got handed a seat will win the TOC. I have decided to revoke my friend exemption to seats and anyone who wants a TOC seat with me HU will have to fucking earn it. Old fashion baby.

I wanna show Johnny Tuscaloosa that I am the man and he is just a shriveled old fart. I actually like John a lot and think he is a decent player. I need to fucking dominate though. It is in my blood.

Working till 1AM does not help my chances though. It is still early in May so I still can ramp it up and take another 2K seat and remove some TOC entries from the final game. GOOO WAFFLES!

Tonight I am going to hit the juicy HORSE and STUD tables. The weekends are the best. The past two days have sucked and I need to get some revenge baby.

Inspired By Katitude

Date: Thu, May 8, 2008

I am grateful for..

1. The crippled dwarf in the wheelchair I saw yesterday. Kind of hard to feel fucked up when some little nub of meat wheels past you. Fuck I am going to hell.
2. Finite life. At least it will end some day. YAY!
3. Katitude. I need someone to take over the Waffles trade mark some day. I think she is well on her way. Just need to drive her insane for a few more years and she will be there.
4. Google. Fuck I love you. You make me look brilliant when the DBA can not figure out why the data run is not working and I type a few words into your beautiful search box and walla a genius reply is returned.
5. Wind. I like the wind. Yeah. It's windy.

Fuck that was hard. Now I have to go to therapy and figure out if I am a total ingrate or my life sucks and I need more therapy. Ah well. Peace out.

What the fuck

Date: Thu, May 8, 2008

What the fuck is a twitter and why would I want one? I have no idea but I decided since I have not been updating the video of my play I would hook up a little twitter section on the web page. Right now it is pretty lame. I am at work. Der. I hope to have some of the following types of things soon..

"Out of the Mookie AA vs 93o. fuck you Bam bam! 2 Hours ago"
"AKT vs AKQ in Stud. Bet Every Street. fucker wins with AKQ high? WTF! 3 Hours Ago"

Anyway it may end up being a stupid idea but what the hell I am all for experimenting with new technology to bring the Waffles Experience to you in whole new ways. Does not sound as cool as the AlCantHang Experience. Ah well. See you all tonight.

Moookie Stupid Cash Good

Date: Thu, May 8, 2008

I went out of the Mookie early when I decided to race my AK against what I knew to be a pair. The peep turned up QQ and I never improved. On the good side I went and played cash games and increased the bankroll over 30%.. WOOT! Tonight we play the Riverchasers.

Tilt Time Killers

Date: Wed, May 7, 2008

So lets say your an idiot and locked yourself out of your account and the next day when you tried to get in they told you to call GA. Ok. So what can you do while waiting to get back on or waiting for your tenth deposit of the month to clear.

World of Warcraft. I played this and it was great. I made it to level 70.. and then I got really bored of the game. Unless you have a bunch of friends playing that will raid with you and not be assholes the game sucks. Nothing new to do as a 70. Blah. Go farm a zillion gold for three weeks so you can buy a mount. No thanks. Unless your like that chick who sold her body for gold your SOL.

So I have been exploring some of the other MMORPGS in my spare time.

I tried to download Guild Wars. It is a free game. Free is good. You have to actually buy the software but no monthly fees. They have a free trial online which I downloaded but could not get it to run on Vista. I need a new machine. Apparently you also need an access key which I also could not find. Too much work.

So next up I figure I would try some nice Ultima Online. Same deal with a 14-day trial. I was unable to install this on Vista either. My nerdy elf girl loving self is getting pissed at this point.

Finally I was able to get Lord of the Rings 14-day trial up and running. I sorta like this one. The graphics are not as good as Warcraft. There really is no PVP element in the actual world. The storyline is pretty linear so far. Possibly to keep you moving and get you used to the game. It is alright but I have not really seen anything that has made me say "WICKED COOL!".

Next up on the list of Nerd Trials is going to be Star Wars online. I will download the 14-day trial this week and see if it is any good. So this probably is not helpful but good luck to anyone who wants a little nerdy fun.

Razz is Fucked Up

Date: Wed, May 7, 2008

Man is that game frustrating. I start off nearly insane because of the dumb ass game and less than optimal calls.. and I end up stacking off to Mondogarage two hands in a row where I go runner-runner-runner BOAT. I was fairly far ahead in both hands at least as far ahead as you can get in Razz. Ah well. So sick when you lose to a Jack when you have a 3456 on 4th street. I certainly did not take it well and appologize to Mondo for any outbursts. I was really angrier with the cards than the person. His plays were not horrible albeit a little loose. At least I got to take out LJ! A few points in May do not hurt either.

On the good side I was incredibly amazed and heartened by the fact that not a single person went out before the first break. Stunning that nobody donked out of the Skillz game. I clap for you all. Perhaps there is hope.

I played a little Lord of the Rings online last night. So far the game is ok but not anything special. I may stop playing that and try the Star Wars Online game. See how that one is.

Tonight is the Mookie.. If you have not seen sexy BWOP golfing pictures you should go. Don's drunken beer belly not so much. Good luck to you all.