Happy Birthday Tao

Date: Wed, Aug 6, 2008

Well the birthday celebration is over and man did they get a good turn out. Over five hundred donks from all walks of life got together to partake. I really did not feel like playing through that many people so I donked out early. I bluffed with Queen high nothing on an Axx board KNOWING for like 95% sure that NOBODY FOLDS AN OFF ACE. Raising pre-flop and betting the flop and turn means nothing when you have the all powerful off Ace. Ah well. At least I got a little woody when he showed AJ and a picture of CK came to mind. I enjoyed buffing up the prize pool for Pauly though even if I did not want to try and donk through that many people.

Tonight I should be more motivated. I have seven chances left to get past the top five on the Mookie leaderboard. Get your bets in with Hoyazo. He is giving good odds. ;). See you all tonight.

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LMAO

Date: Tue, Aug 5, 2008

Did you see the fail blog today? Wii Fail! Funny as hell I am still laughing.

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Insanity

Date: Mon, Aug 4, 2008

The Google Nazi patrol has not come for me yet. It looks like the good Doctor is back up and running after being shut down for a while.

This week is Pauly's awesome tourney. He's celebrating the Tao of Poker's fifth birthday by throwing a private tournament on PokerStars with a special bonus to the winner.

The winner gets two nights at the Borgata Hotel & Spa in Atlantic City as well as an entry into the $5,000 buy-in NL tournament for the Borgata Poker Open on September 12th.

For specific details...click here.

Good luck everyone!

Be there. I better sign up now before I forget. I was randomly ranting today. What is RRS (Randomly Ranting Syndrome). It happens when you have not been ranting enough and then one day you come in and BAM! Ranting against everything.

Gerardo said...

I have been trying to contact you by e-mail, on behalf of PSO. Please take down our banner ASAP.
Thanks for your time.
Jerry
Poker Source Online

SirFWALGMan said...

FU Jerry you cocksucker.

SirFWALGMan: I was reading DP's blog
SirFWALGMan: I think PLO are assholes
SirFWALGMan: so I figured id say it
SirFWALGMan: PSO
SirFWALGMan: whatever the fuck there called
SirFWALGMan: their
SirFWALGMan: fuck english
SirFWALGMan: fuck you all
SirFWALGMan: Im dsylexic
SirFWALGMan: i cant help myself
SirFWALGMan: I was reading a book and I probably am mildly dyslexic
SirFWALGMan: put me on fucking wealfare
SirFWALGMan: im never working again
SirFWALGMan: because I am handycapped
SirFWALGMan: fucking retarded enabling society

I also told DP that he rubs fish on his boyfriends asshole but that was not technically a rant. He is probably going to kick my ass in December. See he is a fag. Goddamn there I go again with RRS.

Then I moved on to my boy JJ.

JJ: YAY Hurricane!
JJ: WEEEE!!!!!
JJ: can't wait!
JJ: looking forward to the carnage and waterlogged lawn!
SirFWALGMan: lol
SirFWALGMan: Fucking move somewhere else moron
SirFWALGMan: you live in the Hurricane basin of the USA
SirFWALGMan: and you whine about it
SirFWALGMan: retarded
JJ: wait
JJ: so I'm supposed to move inland?
SirFWALGMan: yeah so you can whine about tornadoes
JJ: if you ever whine about snow, I'll come up there and beat you silly with a wet noodle
SirFWALGMan: i never whine
SirFWALGMan: :O
SirFWALGMan: I have a few of the symtoms of dsylexis
JJ: yeah, that DYSLEXIA is a tough one......what is dsylexis?
SirFWALGMan: lol
SirFWALGMan: its Dyslexia for Rich people AHHHH YEAH!
SirFWALGMan: oh wait no thats Dyslexus

All that from a single Hurricane whine.

Anyhow while I am shilling things go play the next fucking retarded new Monday blogger game brought to you by Instant Tragedy. Are you even fucking shilling this thing yourself you retarded butt monkey? I will probably not be there as I am trying to get my self Epic fucking gear.

So far I have two purples. Grind away little monkey. Hell I am not even sure what I should get my Mage. I was going to buy the whole Dreadweave set. However it seems like the crit with the Silk set is better.

I already got the bracers for my guy. I was getting the materials to add the +15 Spell Damage to them. I then became distracted because I really would like a pair of Spellstrike pants. Those things cost a fucking fortune though. Probably like 2k in gold in just materials.

I think I will buy the feet and belt of silk to mix some of the resilience and better stats with some extra crit.

Holy fuck I am talking about CLOTHING for an Imaginary friend. If that does not make for the most retarded and gay thing since internet fights I do not know what does. Holy fuck I am brainwashed by my WoW masters.

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Mother Fucking Google on Mother Fucking Tubes

Date: Fri, Aug 1, 2008

The Intertubes latest Nazi's Google have banned some good people. Pauly is in exile at some Tootie frutie site. He can tell you how a bot decided his years of well written commentary were in a word "SPAM". Very simple really. A persons whole life's work summed up as "SPAM". Fuck when I say it that way maybe they are right. hahaha. Just kidding Pauly. Good luck getting this sorted out. The Nazi SS police have not caught up to my spam blog yet. Does anyone want some SPAM and HAM? Possibly the SPAM, SPAM, SPAM, SPAM and SPAM on SPAM?

P.S. I do not mean to correlate the baking of human beings with the ridiculous behavior of Google but in a literary sense it makes a good correlation. Where the burning humans are Pauly's writings, which are like his children, and the ovens are the oppressive heat of censorship that Google has brought down upon us in order to up its own Ad revenues. Something like that.

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Every Once in a While

Date: Fri, Aug 1, 2008

Michael Craig is a big fat bitch
its true
i hate that guy so bad
and I am not a hater
he deserves it
he deserves my hate
and being short and bald
he deserves that too
and fat
yeah being fat
hey this is a post WOOT!

Every once in a while when I see people add him to their blogrolls I feel a need to remind people of my personal feelings.

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Lose One Idiot Get Another

Date: Fri, Aug 1, 2008

So Hoyazo has quit the MATH for now and apparently the donks at LivePokerRadio are looking to replace him. I think Hoyazo speak for "I was not feeling it" translates to "Fuck everyone hates me and thinks I am a cheater so I can only get 5 people to the MATH these days". Just saying. Again I do not think Hoyazo cheated. It is easy to hate on the arrogant guy though. He did shit on Bodog.

Ah well. Here are the details for the newest donk fest. I have no idea if I will be playing any of these. Anything is possible.

The LivePokerRadio Tour will be offering many new opportunities for you to not only donk it up, but win. Originally I had this linked to BuddyDoosh but IT said and I quote "the livepokerradio link should be http://www.livepokerradio.com not buddydouch.com". Come along for the ride. Everyone says they want to be there for the first.

You want the details? Let's get you all of them:

Monday's starting August 4th
Time : 10 P.M. ET Full Tilt Poker
Buy In: $10 + $1 (May change due to special events)
Format : NLHE (May change due to special events)
PW : Boom

Does this thing have a name IT? Like.. Donkey Ass Radio MTT or something. Is it gonna be called the LivePokerRadio Tour? Usually you go someplace on a tour.

A going round; a circuit; hence, a journey in a circuit; a prolonged circuitous journey; a comprehensive excursion; as, the tour of Europe; the tour of France or England.

Oh well good luck you fucktards.

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Trauma Is Back

Date: Thu, Jul 31, 2008

Trauma is back hitting up the online tables instead of rolling his ass off on the craps tables. Just in time to put a big smackdown on me to. Oh did that hurt. I played it horribly though.

I had KK on the button and Trauma limped in. I knew he was calling any raise I made so I popped it to 4xBB and got us HU. Figured I would take the extra cash when he folded the flop. The board comes out a pretty benign Txx. I lead out here for a pot sized bet of 1/4 his remaining stack. He of course cold calls. Just a tip. If it costs you a fourth of your stack IT IS NOT FLOATING. Anyhow.. I see the ten on the turn and something inside me says I am dooomed. However I go ahead and bet off half my stack and then do not fold to his jam. Very badly played on my part. I knew his range for the flop cold call was basically QQ-JJ, or Tx. With the ten on the turn I probably should have slowed down and definitely folded to his jam. Oh well his JTo was good.

Sometimes I react to what is going on in a hand. This is really bad. I think the best thing I can do for my poker game is take more time deciding on things.

Last but not least I have to give props to PokerPeaker for an excellent play last night. I had a weakish hand so I called his flop bet but did not put any pressure on him. We both checked the turn. Weak on my part. He then fired out a pot sized bet on the river with Queen high. He made a great read that I had a weak pair and stuck with it. He knew I had the ability to fold there sometimes and bet an amount that was half both of our stacks but just a pot sized bet. It was pretty good sizing. Big enough to be scary but not over the top to cause suspicion. Took a lot of balls to fire that bullet. I approve. Another person tried that on me but he made a very small bet giving me odds to call. This is not the way to make this play work. Again props to the Peaker.

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Enjoy

Date: Wed, Jul 30, 2008

Tiffany Michelle's breasts and UB Cheating Scandal Tiffany Michelle's breasts and UB Cheating Scandal Tiffany Michelle's breasts and UB Cheating Scandal Tiffany Michelle's breasts and UB Cheating Scandal Tiffany Michelle's breasts and UB Cheating Scandal Tiffany Michelle's breasts and UB Cheating Scandal Tiffany Michelle's breasts and UB Cheating Scandal Tiffany Michelle's breasts and UB Cheating Scandal Tiffany Michelle's breasts and UB Cheating Scandal Tiffany Michelle's breasts and UB Cheating Scandal Tiffany Michelle's breasts and UB Cheating Scandal Tiffany Michelle's breasts and UB Cheating Scandal Tiffany Michelle's breasts and UB Cheating Scandal.

Irongirl who is totally hot says if I mention Tiffany Michelle's breasts my traffic will increase. Who knew.

Tonight is the second of nine in the Mookie contest. I have enjoyed this so much after just one game that I do not care if I win or lose. I intend to win but having a fun competition and hearing all the shit slinging going on and backdoor deals makes this a win win situation no matter what.

Apparently Bayne and IT are not as confident as they seem since they BOTH have brokered deals with Hoyazo to hedge their bets with me. Fear is the mind killer.

Unlike me I think making bets is bad for LJ's game. I think she changes her style of play. Possibly she plays more like she would in a real MTT so you would think that would be good. Personally she scares me a hell of a lot less this way. Crazy people making crazy plays that is what is scary.

Surfluxus is running well in the MATH and other events. I think this means he has used up all his mojo for the week and will flame out early. We will see.

I have played no poker since last week and am ready to play my worst so I can win again. WOOT! I actually think last weeks Mookie was one of my best games in a while. Sure I made a few mistakes but I played a very aggressive style and pulled off some huge bluffs that made a lot of difference. I feel good about my game right now. Really refreshed and ready to kick some ass.

Last but not least the Google scandal. I could care less about pagerank and advertising. It is all an added bonus. I am a little pissed off that when I try and find Mookie by searching Mookie99 I have to go to his old site to find him. I also think that searching my name and having a site like: www.pokerwonks.com, which is a shill, content stealing, ad fucking site that you would think Google would not want to send people to come up wayyyyyy before my own site is insane. So Google stop being fucking morons. I am totally looking for a new search engine since this one is broken. I used to love Google. I still want a search page that has no decoration and comes up in a second. This rules out a lot of sites like Yahoo! and MSN who have major content on their search pages. Oh well.

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Et Tu Brute?

Date: Fri, Jul 25, 2008

Waffles has almost no chance of winning his bet
-- Poker "Backstabber" Enthusiast from the Shadows

Ramblings of a Madman

I've only included "Waffles" for one reason. You should tag him as a fish and actively search him out on the tables. Full Tilt name is SirFWALGMan, go forth and take his money. His blog is worthless drivel full of nothing but senseless rants and the occasional World of Warcraft junk. Trust when I say you need to track him down on the poker table. Your bankroll with thank you. (He's actually a decent fellow with a penchant for tilt-based gambling.)
-- AlCantHang on Full Tilt "Poker from the Rails"

If you prick us do we not bleed? If you tickle us do we not laugh? If you poison us do we not die? And if you wrong us shall we not revenge? Betrayal on all sides! They are after me!!! Everyone is a hatah!!!!! If your going to flame me on Full Tilt at least get me a custom avatar for the deal. Nice Waffle House sign perhaps? Wow. My enemies are everywhere. What am I to do. Do you love Waffles?

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A MTT Players Night AKA How I Donked into Third

Date: Thu, Jul 24, 2008

Here are a few hands from last nights game. I have booked over $200 in prop bets and all betting is closed. I feel good that I made up about a third of the distance to first place in my first night. Eight more games to go.

9:54 … Waffles is all in on 653 flop against Surf and scoops a good size pot. He’s over 4,000 now.


Here I made a position play on Surf. He raised and I put him on some weak Ace. So when the flop came all low I jammed and he folded. This was purely a power poker play.

10:54 … HEE HAW…Money goes all in on a flop of 6s 5d Ts. Waffles has 86d and LJ has KK. Obv the turn is the 8c and Waffles doubles up to 10,000.


This is sort of the same play as I made against Surf but it went terribly wrong or right depending what side of the coin you are on. I called LJ's raise pre-flop. I really make the loose call because I have a lot of chips and the humor factor will be through the roof if I flop well. I was looking to flop something better than middle pair but I thought her range from second position could be something like AT-AKx, 22-AA.

I mean I felt she would have a semi-strong hand but not necessarily the AA or KK. She lead out on the flop for 2/3 the pot which seemed small to me for some reason. So I had to decide if she was c-betting with AK/AQ or if she had a hand. I am not calling here. I need to either fold or go all in and push her overcards out. I made the wrong decision but I went with it and instead of cold calling I tried to push her out of the pot. Obviously she is not going to fold KK there and I got extremely lucky. I am not going to apologize for the play. It was along the same lines of a successful play I made against Surf. Sometimes you make a mistake but as long as your playing hard you can do no wrong. It also lead to amusing tilty LJ comments all night which makes the play +EV in my book.

11:19 … MaggieO machine win pot. Machine river straight with 55 to crack Lucko’s AA. Machine has 30K.


I only highlight this hand because it was funny as hell. Sucko had been.. well.. sucking out on people with his gynormous stack. His sister then sucks out on him big time and he calls her a donkey. I of course was insulted by his mistreatment of his lovely sister so I had to defend her honor. I am chivalrous like that.

11:22 … Waffle’s KK stand up to lucko’s AJc and he’s doubled up to 31K. Lucko is left with 594 and all in on the next hand as is TheCloserX5. Waffles calls with AQo while TheCloser has QQ and Lucko 77. Ace on the flop and Wawfuls scoops it all. Final table.


Here my lucksackery really shows off. I smack down the other half of Suckos stack with my KK and then he puts his last 500 chips in. TheCloser decides to jam his remaining 5K. I figured with my large stack, mediocre hand, and all the dead money in the pot I should call. I end up catching my three outer to get rid of Sucko and TheCloser all in one shot. Woot Knockout Bonus!!!!

11:33 … Q68 flop and OSU goes all in and Waffles calls. KQo for OSU and TT for Waffles. Double up.


I pretty much knew I was beat here but I pulled a little bit of a Bayne and figured the pot was laying me the correct odds to call here. I am not sure I like Bayne anymore. People were really down on me for making calls like 5k more to win a 25k pot where I was likely behind but had like 30k left. I really do not think making math only calls are good.

11:57 … J Haze is all in on the the turn with the board showing A 6 9 Q. Waffles tanks but eventually calls with 98 which is good against J Haze’s J6. No river love and they are down to 6.


However here is another math only call where I assumed I was probably beat but it was only 3k more and I was priced in. My second pair is way ahead of third pair here and so the math call works out. I am so confused.

Finally OSU took me out in third. He played a good game tonight. I could not beat him and it was just his night to win. A few of the hands we played I may have been able to knock him off his hand pre-flop.. especially that TT hand.. but I am not sure..

Anyway the fact that people were screaming at me and calling me names all night must mean I played a great game. It is the only conclusion I can come up with. Keep sending the hate my way as it fuels me and makes me unstoppable. I have eight more games to make around $240 to take the lead assuming everything stays the same. Is any money going to shift to the other side? Is anyone going to put some money down on Waffles with odds? I am sure you will get plenty of takers. I really hope not though because the hate is good and I like it.

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Tao of Holy Fucking Shit

Date: Wed, Jul 23, 2008

In order to celebrate the Tao of Poker's fifth birthday, I'm throwing a private tournament on PokerStars with an interesting twist... the first place finisher will also win two nights at the Borgata Hotel & Spa in Atlantic City and they will also gain an entry into a $5,000 buy-in NL tournament during the Borgata Poker Open on September 12th.
-- Doctor Wonderful

WOW! What a nice thing for our favorite Dr. Pauly to do. He is putting up some big bucks for his birthday tourney. WOW! Nice prize for five bucks. Two things though.

First off does this include any face time with said Tao superstar or hot little girlfriend? Either one would be a big bonus.

Secondly. Can I borrow five bucks on Stars? Please Pauly. Cmon. I will pay you back. I have this great 1$ SNG scam it can not fail. Actually in all seriousness I do need to trade some funds with someone if I am going to do this. I am busto on Pokerstars at the moment. So if you want a few Full Tilt bucks for Stars let me know.

Here are the full details:

I'm not joking. $5,000 seat plus two nights in my favorite casino in Atlantic City. All you have to do is win the Tao of Poker birthday tournament. Entry is just $5. Tournament ID is #97513073. Tournament name is Tao Poker 5th B-Day.

Seriously. For $5 you get a chance at winning a $5,000 seat at the Borgata Poker Open plus two nights in the hotel. That tournament is on Friday, September 12th starting at 11am.

Here are the specific details...

1. Tao of Poker birthday tournament is open to all readers.
2. No chops whatsoever for the Borgata Package ($5,000 seat + two nights).
3. The 5K seat is a must play.... meaning you cannot take the cash. You have to play the event on September 12th.
4. Package does not include transportation. You have to find your own way to Atlantic City. So if you live in Sweden and win the seat, you are responsible for airfare.
5. Most importantly... have fun.

I should clarify something... there will be normal prize money. The Borgata Package is in addition to the regular prize pool. So the first place winner has a shot at a decent payday in addition to a $5,000 seat and two nights at the Borgata.

Sweet.

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Still got nothing..

Date: Wed, Jul 23, 2008

Boss talking to himself creepy.
Boss calling himself daddy very creepy.

He is the boss though. I guess if I can not be happy losing at poker since I am reformed I have to fall back on the old flame wars. Even this one is not going to be great but lets give it a shot. I started the Mookie way back when as a small group gathering and I am offended that LJ is on the top of the leader board. She is way too skilled at MTTs to be leading this thing.. although she may have the donkey quotient down to be a Mookie Leader I just do not think she captures the Surflexus type donkey that should be the King of all Mooks. So I have decided I will knock her off her perch. In the next few months I am going to play every single Mookie with the goal of becoming the leader board champion of this thing. Fuck I really need better goals if the best I can come up with is being the king of a pack of donkeys.

Ah well let the patheticness continue. Peace out. See you tonight.

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Excited but not so much

Date: Mon, Jul 21, 2008

Poker is blah right now for no particular reason. I am winning. I am bored. So I am taking breaks. Meh. I dunno.

I have been leveling my Mage up which is fun. Here are a few cool things I have done lately with him.

Base Jumping
In the Zangamarsh there is a HUGE tower platform where the Alliance have a city. I take my mage to the top of the cliff and look down. I can see creatures and people but they look like ants. I gather my courage and leap from the cliff, spreading my arms, and feeling the air rush through my Draenei tentacles. The ground quickly rushes up towards me and a few seconds before I hit I cast my blink spell and land safely on the ground. If I was a little too late I would have been a blue pancake. However I have successfully executed another daring base jump.

Playing with the Lowbies
Low level HORDE characters are so cute. After a raid where me and one other level 64 made it into the instance in Orgrimmar and proceeded to use gorilla raiding tactics to take out several guards and a few low to mid level characters that got in our way we headed back to the safety of Alliance lands. On our way back we ran into a tiny little cute level eight. He proceeded to attack my friend who is a level 64 priest. So naturally he mind controlled the little guy and sent him into a den of scorpions. The scorpions proceeded to sting him to death while we chuckled.

The little fellow then starts taunting us from behind the relative safety of a few level 65 guards. We destroy the guards but he is out of PVP mode. So my friend challenges him to a duel. When he accepts he is suddenly in PVP mode again. We quickly mind control him and make him attack a guard who hits him for 6k killing him instantly. Hilarious. Finally we charge out and rush through the Crossroads on our way back to friendly territory our epic two man raid on Orgrimmar a complete success.

I know I am a total nerd. Ah well.

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Rantless in Boston

Date: Fri, Jul 18, 2008

I know all you haters have been complaining about my blog lately but what can I say. It is hard to rant about losing a few bucks to Coxlover and his tired lucksackery when the bankroll is growing every night. It is pretty close to 2K which while no landmark is pretty good. Sure I got runner-runner sucked out on pretty good last night. I did my share of sucking too. I lasted one hand in the 4K PLO.. AA24 s000ted vs AKQJ no s000t all in preflop. Somehow all this winning takes the edge off. Worst thing that has happened lately at the tables is inadvertently hurting someone I really care a fuckload about by shooting my mouth off. I mean that is not even poker related.

Leveling my Mage has been the biggest grind. He is just under level 62. I am trying to get him to seventy fast but it is not easy. What do I have to rant about? I mean I sucked out bad on Kurokitty. Should I rant that some dude has the name "Kitty"? I mean what the fuck is up with that? As Fuel would say "Ghey".

Hell I even dropped $400 on Bodog which is almost my entire roll there. Do I care? Not really. I had a good time playing with Riggs. It was fun. Does that satiate you train watchers? No? FU Still Riggs.

There is just not much to rant about. You want to hear a really bad beat? Ok here goes. You know my Au Pair? The Fat whore from Venezuela or some McDonalds worker country like that. Yeah her. I just found out I am "PAYING FOR ALL HER FOOD!". Holy fuck! Talk about bad beats.

P.S. Dropping Hoyazo in four hands last night was the BEST HU experience I have had to date. It was classic. Hand Ranges? *snicker*. Calling all in with top pair SHIT kicker. *snicker*. Hoyazo. *snicker*.

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