What if it's not just your poker that stinks?
Date: Wed, Aug 20, 2008 Internet
You have to admire Michael Wax's candour.
On a scale of social nightmares for the common man, being taken to one side and told you have body odour issues is just a notch down from having a woman ask you if it's in yet. Most of us would slink off quietly into the night, crushed and humbled.
New York poker player Wax, however, is made of sterner stuff. Ordered out of the Borgata Casino in Atlantic City after opponents complained about his personal fragrance, Wax brushed embarrassment aside in his quest for a fair deal.
"There's no question I stink. I'm not denying it. I do have an odor. I've been playing for 17 hours," he retorted.The unshakable Mike isn't even vowing never to return, insisting that he likes gambling at the Borgata, whose refusal to acquiesce in his request for a room in which to freshen up before continuing, calls for some explanation.
Alas, Dave Coskey, a spokesman for the Borgata Hotel Casino & Spa, said it is company policy not to comment on
So what's a long-haul poker player to do? And just how much does it hum at a WSOP Main Event final table?
I've located the following for the man who'd rather slow-play cowboys than smell like them...
- Travelproof bathroom cabinet - "The finished rolled up size is dictated by the quantity of contents. There is enough space to incorporate other bits and pieces"
- Ultimate Travelwash - "suitable for clothes, washing up, shaving, showering AND washing fruit!
- Travelproof compact towel - "Works and feels like a shammy - dampen first and watch the water lift off your body"
- H2O No water handwash - "an ideal hand cleaner for situations when there is no water"
- Pocket travel shaver - palm sized and ultra-thin
- Tube toothbrush holder - "The see through sealable tube will hold your brush and toothbrush which also means no more toothpaste leakages in your wash bag"
"Imagine you are on the move. You feel you need to go and answer natures call. But there's no toilet or if there is, it is grotesquely unsanitary. Frustration mounts and can even turn into panic and indeed can put your health at risk...Gel? Great; that's your hair styling needs taken care of as well. Now that's what I call a kicker.
...Relax. TRAVELJOHN EMERGENCY SOLID WASTE COLLECTION KIT is the most amazing pocket size disposable solid collection kit for both men and women that can be used discreetly even in the confines of a car or a tiny toilet cubicle, with a puncture resistant pouch containing Liqsorb that turns the urine and solids instantly into a leak proof, odourless, spill proof gel..."
Spin this...
Date: Wed, Aug 13, 2008 Internet
Another in the series highlighting those fabulous PR coups that make you rejoice to be a gambler...
Bookies lose turf war with racecourses over rights to broadcast pictures - a defeat not helped when the Tote broke ranks with Britain's bookmakers and signed up for the very Turf TV race coverage to which bookies had been so implacably opposed.
Something tells me the Association of British Bookmakers' chairman wasn't overly impressed...
"There followed a flurry of private emails between directors of the Association of British Bookmakers, read out in court, which laid bare the disappointment felt at this decision. ABB's chairman, Warwick Bartlett, wrote: 'The Tote are irredeamable [sic] bastards and everyone their [sic] should have been shot at birth. Members of the ABB? I don't think so.'"Credit where it's due to Mr Bartlett; you can't fault his consistency. As if acting like a six-year-old wasn't enough, he spells like one, too. With this kind of consummate pro at the helm, I suspect that distancing itself from the ABB won't go down as the worst move the Tote has ever made...
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Long-term followers of Wagering War will know that I have no truck with the use of shades in poker. Nice as it is, Royal Poker Eyewear's website adds just one more weapon to my armoury:
"Giving away no tells, and providing vastly improved vision through our lenses unique brightening agent, our poker glasses offer the best all-round support for long poker sessions or tournaments."
I'm sorry, but unless you're a consummate movie actor, just how many tells can you make with your eyes, anyway? Compared to the ones you make with your hands, mouth, shoulders, legs and torso, that is?
If it's a toss-up between "the next generation of poker glasses" or the first generation of poker burqa, I'm Afghan in a heartbeat.
Poker journalist struggles to deal with 'loss'
Date: Tue, Jul 29, 2008 Internet
What grabs you most about the following headline?
Former EastEnders star Michael Greco loses £250K in Vegas card game
All right; absolutely nothing if you're not from the UK and wouldn't know EastEnders from West Side Story.
If you are familiar with the former soap opera actor, however, then it's the idea of his grand scheme blowing up in his face: most if not all of his TV earnings gone, all on the turn of a card, no doubt in some stupid cash game where he was clearly in over his head.
This was the man who gave up showbusiness to play cards for a living and no matter how low their schadenfreude threshold might be, I defy 99% of poker-playing Brits not to have clicked on the link just to see one more perceived flash harry get his come-uppance. Deep down inside, we just can't help ourselves...
Yet what do we find?
Right..."The Scots actor turned pro poker player, who starred as Beppe diMarco in EastEnders, told of his bad luck when asked by an interviewer when he last felt sorry for himself.
"Dunbar-born Greco, 38, replied: 'When I busted out of a tournament in Vegas recently, I was very close to winning half a million dollars but, on the turn of a card, lost it.'"
Funnily enough, I lost four million pounds just a few months ago, in a freeroll to a satellite to a satellite to the WSOP Main Event. There I was, just four tournaments and 10 thousand opponents away from pocketing four million, only to lose every last dime on the turn of a card.
Some nights, my kids say they still hear me crying myself to sleep.
So now I'm just sitting by the phone, waiting for the Daily Record's ace Mountains-from-Molehills correspondent to return my call and chronicle every last devastating second of my loss.
Who'd have thought it? Michael Greco and I, united in grief.
Poker home games - when good rabbis go bad
Date: Fri, Jul 25, 2008 Internet
When I'm doing something altogether more wholesome with my life, one of my favourite fishing blogs is The Fly Fishing Rabbi, in which Rabbi Eric Eisenkramer delightfully interweaves fly fishing with thoughts on life and Man's spiritual side. Nothing too heavy, more a sort of Thought for the Day but in print, rather than on the airwaves.
It now seems that Tao of Poker may have discovered the Yin to Eric's Yang during an LA home game:
It is a vintage ToP post in general, putting you right among the action in a way that no other poker blogger can match right now. My abiding conclusion, however, is that the Fly Fishing Rabbi and the Poker Playing Rabbi are probably two different people.
"The cast of characters was worth the price of admission. An infomercial guru. Former NBA player. A ninety-year old woman. A pregnant travel writer. Former child actor. A foul-mouthed rabbi knocking back Kettle One and cranberry juice in a pint glass. And some dude with a goatee who used to chase after a faded Scott Weiland as he ran naked down 3rd Street...
...Change100 cashed, but took third place wen the rabbi busted her. The drunker he got, the filthier his mouth got. He said some classic lines, such as...
"May the fleas of a hundred camels infest your armpits."
"F***in' bitch ass bitch ass BITCH!"
The drunken-foul-mouthed rabbi beat Jen Leo heads up to win."
And the asterisks are mine. Just in case Eric reads this.
Two welcome blogroll additions...
Date: Wed, Jul 23, 2008 Internet
So crowded is poker's blogosphere these days that it can be hard to stand out from the crowd - and don't I know it - so it's always good to encounter those that do.
Lucky Dog Poker is the blog of poker player, editor and columnist Russ Scott, while Melted Felt could be the best satirical look at the game out there, although feel free to let me know if you think I'm overlooking someone.
Nazarian out to make Sahara less of a desert
Date: Mon, Jul 21, 2008 Internet
If I'm being profiled in the Wall Street Journal as the potential saviour of a fading Vegas casino, I'd want the kind of portrait they've given Sam Nazarian, new owner of the down-at-heel Sahara Hotel & Casino (where...eeek..."life-size Arab figures pull a row of cheesy plaster camels").
True, I'd like it to make me look 32 rather than 42 but otherwise, it's perfect.
Nazarian is the supremo of Los Angeles' evening entertainment for young people ("he and his PR handlers cringe at the term 'nightclub king'") who now seeks to weave his magic on the Rat Pack's last surviving watering hole.
"The usual Vegas style of renovation is implosion: the Sands leveled for the Venetian; the Dunes razed for the Bellagio. There is no other way, the reasoning goes, to compete with the Strip's new luxury casinos and hotels. But Mr. Nazarian has built his reputation on converting rundown pockets of real estate into trendy, A-list magnets. His company, SBE Entertainment Group LLC, and private-investment partner Stockbridge Capital, bought the 18-acre Sahara property last year for about $300 million. Mr. Nazarian won't say how much he will spend on rehabilitation; plans include a new hotel tower and a makeover of the hotel's 1,700 rooms. 'There's not one part of this property we're not touching,' he says."British readers studying the hotel's website may smile wistfully at what America regards as 'down-at-heel' but so be it: if injecting class into his latest acquisition is Sam's top priority, let me simply mention that the Sahara's advertising strategy should be high on his schedule...
[Nazarian photo - Robert Gallagher/Wonderful Machine; illustration - Sean McCabe]
This is why it's called 'poker', not 'patience'...
Date: Thu, Jul 17, 2008 Internet
Just when I thought that seeing the first 'book now for Xmas' sign of the year would take today's biscuit in the wishing-your-life-away category, the restaurant in question was trumped completely by this:
Bodog hands out 2009 Main Event seats
Calvin Ayre may be gone but BoDog's capacity for getting on your nerves apparently remains undiminished.
"Who Dat?" final table lands Pollack gamble
Date: Tue, Jul 15, 2008 Internet
I went through the full rainbow of opinion when I learnt that the WSOP Main Event was to be played in two instalments this year.
My immediate response was to hate the notion of eventus interruptus as an artificial contrivance that flew in the face of everything a sporting event should be. How long would a radio station last if it invited you to tune in next week for the thrilling climax to Bohemian Rhapsody?
Yet the more I thought about it, the more I felt it was an idea worth trying and for us Europeans at least, it was not without some kind of precedent. Every two years, our national soccer teams attempt to qualify for the finals of the World Cup or European Championship: those that do so then have to wait seven months to convene for the finals themselves.
As for the reasoning behind the four-month gap that now separates the Main Event from its final table, if WSOP commissioner Jeffrey Pollack ever allows himself a moment of smugness, this would be the time. As if to re-assert poker's rags-to-riches potential in the face of a WSOP that had become something of a pros' benefit, the Main Event has thrown up a final table of no-names that would have been a publicist's nightmare had the competition proceeded to a self-contained climax in the traditional fashion. 'Poker world champ could be an accountant' isn't exactly a PR gig to die for.
That's the thing with the underdog concept; it only works in context. David has to be up against a clearly-defined Goliath or we just lose interest. Over the next four months, we need to learn about the final nine - which of them has the dying relative, which of them has creditors queuing round the block, which of them is unkind to small animals.
I think Pollack is wrong when he says that he wants people anticipating who will win. What he wants is people seeing conflicts in stories and personalities among the final nine that they can really get their teeth into."On July 22, ESPN begins a series of weekly shows that will chronicle happenings in the 55 separate poker tournaments that make up the World Series, capped by the Main Event. This year, it also will follow the final nine during the four-month break.
"We'll be following each of the nine people for the 117 days to see how their lives changed. Did they go back to their regular day job? Did they hire coaches? We'll see how they study film," said ESPN senior producer Jamie Horowitz, adding that the network will do a Nov. 4 special documenting their "journey" and previewing the final."
On the thinking behind the split-event format, however, I doubt he could have been more vindicated had he hand-picked the Final Table himself and when they're handing out the gongs for best CEO in sports at year's end, I hope his bold gamble does not go unmentioned.
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And please, enough of this "what if one dies?" hand-wringing. What if one of the final nine does die between now and November?
How gloriously macabre would it look, an empty chair behind a stack being relentlessly blinded away, like the sands of time themselves? What other sporting event has anything to match that kind of dark theatre?
Poker lore has effortlessly embraced the Dead Man's Hand for 132 years. I'm sure it would take a Dead Man's Chair comfortably in its stride.
Reading-room Friday at Wagering War
Date: Fri, Jul 11, 2008 Internet
Remember when it was end of term at school, your teacher had admin to sort and you were told to bring a book to class and just read quietly until the lesson ended? It's like that now.
I'm fishing in Scotland as part of my day job and under orders to get five trout-stuffed features in the bag by the weekend, so weighty poker analysis on these pages is out. Like it was ever in.
Read these quietly instead and leave my apple on the desk when you leave. We reconvene Tuesday...
- The Unseen Series: Off Hours at the 2008 WSOP
- Mob scene: when gangster, gamblers and glamorous celebrities ruled nightlife in Havana
- The story behind those poker-playing dogs...
Everything on red - Russian gambling update
Date: Wed, Jul 9, 2008 Internet
It was just before Christmas 2006 when I reported on Russian leader Vladimir Putin's efforts to effectively drive gambling out of harm's way by confining it to four far-flung and not-exactly-gorgeous areas of his nation. Two of the pictorial links no longer work, sadly, but trust me, you're missing nothing...
Here's an update on one of those areas - Russia's Seaside Vegas to be, if you will - while there are photos here, albeit a little light on waterfall-strewn golf courses.
The local lawyers, however, look distinctly promising .
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Strategy: how to spot a poker tell
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Ah, the happy naivete of the newcomer; remember when this was you...?
No limit no country for old men
Date: Mon, Jul 7, 2008 Internet
Seems like stud fantasies for those of us getting on in life may not be so futile after all, as Jeff Haney reflects on the polarisation of poker, with youngsters crowding the no limit tournaments and seniors moving towards the game's less glamorous variants.
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Strategy: Utilize power of position
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In a genre dominated by words, often dry, repetitive and revolving way too often around the phrase 'hand history', Life's a Bluff is a welcome addition to the Wagering War blogroll. Best pictorial poker blog since The Poker Prof's Poker Blog, although sister blog Las Vegas Vegas continues to raise the bar pretty high...
Poker musical the first sign of madness
Date: Wed, Jul 2, 2008 Internet
Every so often, you get to read a news story that gets progressively worse the more it unfolds. This is such a story.
If it's possible to identify the moment at which a game crosses the boundary between 'up-and-coming' and 'yesterday's news', I'll wager that moment is when someone writes a musical about it.
"All In: The Poker Musical was created by Tim Molyneux, with support from Phil Hellmuth and the WSOP. It is the first poker-themed musical and the first musical to be developed in conjunction with a leading sports brand."If you think Hellmuth's 'support' amounts to lending his name and a few thousand dollars to the project, think again. Apparently, "Hellmuth will be a character in the show, and he worked with Molyneux to help bring an authentic poker player's thinking and attitude to life on the stage."
"Through the lyrics of the songs and style of music, we see not only who these final nine players are, but we are able to see ourselves, our families, and our world," said Phil Hellmuth, an 11-time WSOP bracelet winner.
"Tim is known for writing very commercial material that is not only creative but sexy, hip and attainable for the masses," said Hellmuth. "His poker musical sings loudly that poker is for everyone and we are all in this special game and this world together."
Jeez Louise...First those ridiculous UltimateBet hockey shirts; now this. If Hellmuth's judgment at the table matched his judgment away from it, the only bracelets he'd own would be inherited from his grandmother...
But wait: seems he's not alone in getting involved with stories he shouldn't even touch with someone else's bargepole:
"WSOP commissioner Jeffrey Pollack said the musical really captures what the WSOP brand stands for."Of course. Because from Beethoven to Lennon & McCartney, the essence of music has been capturing the brand. Jeffrey Pollack is probably the only man in the world who thinks of The Sound of Music as a missed opportunity by the Nazi Party.
"The game of poker is metaphor for the game of life," Pollack said. "Now one man's vision and creativity will show us just how close they really are in this special concert."What can I say? It's late in this year's WSOP: it's been a long old event. Everyone's tired, emotional and willing to spout the most ludicrous crap on just about anything while there's a mike under his nose...
Mike Caro redefines the squeeze play
Date: Mon, Jun 30, 2008 Internet
I dare say I'll enjoy it when it happens but not a month goes by these days without me uncovering one more reason not to rush headlong into the arms of live poker.
This month, and completely inadvertently, I'm sure, my inspiration is Mike Caro, a great man who thrives on the live game and whom I suspect has no idea of the monster he is creating.
On page three of the latest Poker Player Newspaper, he counsels Decorum - basically, Mr Nice Guy with a hidden agenda:
"The worst way to present yourself is as an unfriendly foe. When you ridicule opponents or complain, you make the game less fun for opponents. You might be thinking, 'Who cares if my opponents have fun?' Well, you should care. When opponents are having fun, they venture into more pots with weaker hands and you make a whole lot more money.
"...you can be intimidating and friendly at the same time. When opponents can’t figure out what you’re going to do next, but still enjoy the challenge, you’ve got psychology working your way. But when you intimidate through irritation, when you disparage opposing play, when you get mad when you suffer bad beats, or when you’re sarcastic, that makes opponents less likely to continue mailing you their chips. They’re intimidated, but they’re determined to fight harder.
I tell opponents I’m cheering for them — and I really do it.
"Question 68: So, could you summarize your beliefs about poker decorum?Mike, I can see exactly where you're coming from. Just answer me this: when I sit down at a live game from now on, whom am I supposed to hate more - the sincere SOB or the insincere glad-hander keen to know what kind of day I've had?
Sure. Be friendly, play happy, and bluff your friends."
I'm squeezed, Mike. All the way back to online land and the safe neutrality of the avatar.
Prostitutes won't take recession lying down
Date: Thu, Jun 26, 2008 Internet
Having touched before on the question of whether Las Vegas fears a recession, I believe I may have the definitive answer.
There has to be some kind of meltdown in the air when even the world's oldest profession is introducing a customer loyalty programme.
As from Monday, Nevada's Shady Lady Ranch will be dispensing gasoline gift cards to paying customers. Spend $300 there and you get $50 towards your travelling costs; spend $500 and the gas gift doubles to $100.
There are so many great lines in this Las Vegas Review Journal report, I hardly know where to begin:
"Over the past three years, the Shady Lady's two closest competitors - Angels Ladies to the south and the Cottontail Ranch to the north - have closed their doors.'She's a voice crying out there in the wilderness all by herself,' Flint said of [Shady Lady owner Bobbi] Davis."
"The impact of rising fuel costs is obvious at brothels along Interstate 80 in Northern Nevada...Business there has declined by about 20 percent, mostly due to long-haul truckers who can barely afford diesel fuel, let alone creature comforts on the road."
"At the Moonlight Bunny Ranch near Carson City, outspoken owner Dennis Hof is offering to double the money of the first 100 customers who choose to cash their federal stimulus checks at the brothel.
'What are you going to do, take your stimulus check to Wal-Mart? That money is going back to China,' he said. 'Give it to the hookers, and it will go to tattoo parlors and beer and massage therapists and hair stylists and manicurists. We're keeping the money in America.'"
At a time when barely a week goes by without another daft job title crawling out of the labour exchange woodwork, however, pride of place must go to 'Brothel industry lobbyist' George Flint. There's a man who's probably heard every 'payment in kind' gag there is, at least a hundred times over.
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Play it safe in poker tournaments - Negreanu
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Pic of the day
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