Poker musical the first sign of madness

Date: Wed, Jul 2, 2008 Internet

Every so often, you get to read a news story that gets progressively worse the more it unfolds. This is such a story.

If it's possible to identify the moment at which a game crosses the boundary between 'up-and-coming' and 'yesterday's news', I'll wager that moment is when someone writes a musical about it.

"All In: The Poker Musical was created by Tim Molyneux, with support from Phil Hellmuth and the WSOP. It is the first poker-themed musical and the first musical to be developed in conjunction with a leading sports brand."

If you think Hellmuth's 'support' amounts to lending his name and a few thousand dollars to the project, think again. Apparently, "Hellmuth will be a character in the show, and he worked with Molyneux to help bring an authentic poker player's thinking and attitude to life on the stage."

"Through the lyrics of the songs and style of music, we see not only who these final nine players are, but we are able to see ourselves, our families, and our world," said Phil Hellmuth, an 11-time WSOP bracelet winner.

"Tim is known for writing very commercial material that is not only creative but sexy, hip and attainable for the masses," said Hellmuth. "His poker musical sings loudly that poker is for everyone and we are all in this special game and this world together."

Jeez Louise...First those ridiculous UltimateBet hockey shirts; now this. If Hellmuth's judgment at the table matched his judgment away from it, the only bracelets he'd own would be inherited from his grandmother...

But wait: seems he's not alone in getting involved with stories he shouldn't even touch with someone else's bargepole:

"WSOP commissioner Jeffrey Pollack said the musical really captures what the WSOP brand stands for."

Of course. Because from Beethoven to Lennon & McCartney, the essence of music has been capturing the brand. Jeffrey Pollack is probably the only man in the world who thinks of The Sound of Music as a missed opportunity by the Nazi Party.

"The game of poker is metaphor for the game of life," Pollack said. "Now one man's vision and creativity will show us just how close they really are in this special concert."

What can I say? It's late in this year's WSOP: it's been a long old event. Everyone's tired, emotional and willing to spout the most ludicrous crap on just about anything while there's a mike under his nose...

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Mike Caro redefines the squeeze play

Date: Mon, Jun 30, 2008 Internet

I dare say I'll enjoy it when it happens but not a month goes by these days without me uncovering one more reason not to rush headlong into the arms of live poker.

This month, and completely inadvertently, I'm sure, my inspiration is Mike Caro, a great man who thrives on the live game and whom I suspect has no idea of the monster he is creating.

On page three of the latest Poker Player Newspaper, he counsels Decorum - basically, Mr Nice Guy with a hidden agenda:

"The worst way to present yourself is as an unfriendly foe. When you ridicule opponents or complain, you make the game less fun for opponents. You might be thinking, 'Who cares if my opponents have fun?' Well, you should care. When opponents are having fun, they venture into more pots with weaker hands and you make a whole lot more money.

"...you can be intimidating and friendly at the same time. When opponents can’t figure out what you’re going to do next, but still enjoy the challenge, you’ve got psychology working your way. But when you intimidate through irritation, when you disparage opposing play, when you get mad when you suffer bad beats, or when you’re sarcastic, that makes opponents less likely to continue mailing you their chips. They’re intimidated, but they’re determined to fight harder.
I tell opponents I’m cheering for them — and I really do it.

"Question 68: So, could you summarize your beliefs about poker decorum?
Sure. Be friendly, play happy, and bluff your friends."

Mike, I can see exactly where you're coming from. Just answer me this: when I sit down at a live game from now on, whom am I supposed to hate more - the sincere SOB or the insincere glad-hander keen to know what kind of day I've had?

I'm squeezed, Mike. All the way back to online land and the safe neutrality of the avatar.

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Prostitutes won't take recession lying down

Date: Thu, Jun 26, 2008 Internet

Having touched before on the question of whether Las Vegas fears a recession, I believe I may have the definitive answer.

There has to be some kind of meltdown in the air when even the world's oldest profession is introducing a customer loyalty programme.

As from Monday, Nevada's Shady Lady Ranch will be dispensing gasoline gift cards to paying customers. Spend $300 there and you get $50 towards your travelling costs; spend $500 and the gas gift doubles to $100.

There are so many great lines in this Las Vegas Review Journal report, I hardly know where to begin:

"Over the past three years, the Shady Lady's two closest competitors - Angels Ladies to the south and the Cottontail Ranch to the north - have closed their doors.

'She's a voice crying out there in the wilderness all by herself,' Flint said of [Shady Lady owner Bobbi] Davis."

"The impact of rising fuel costs is obvious at brothels along Interstate 80 in Northern Nevada...Business there has declined by about 20 percent, mostly due to long-haul truckers who can barely afford diesel fuel, let alone creature comforts on the road."

"At the Moonlight Bunny Ranch near Carson City, outspoken owner Dennis Hof is offering to double the money of the first 100 customers who choose to cash their federal stimulus checks at the brothel.

'What are you going to do, take your stimulus check to Wal-Mart? That money is going back to China,' he said. 'Give it to the hookers, and it will go to tattoo parlors and beer and massage therapists and hair stylists and manicurists. We're keeping the money in America.'"

At a time when barely a week goes by without another daft job title crawling out of the labour exchange woodwork, however, pride of place must go to 'Brothel industry lobbyist' George Flint. There's a man who's probably heard every 'payment in kind' gag there is, at least a hundred times over.

And I bet he really wanted to be a doctor.


[pic courtesy of jotor]
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Play it safe in poker tournaments - Negreanu
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Pic of the day

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Hypnosis: off I go into poker's twilight zone

Date: Tue, Jun 24, 2008 Internet

If I didn't write about the game, I probably wouldn't have looked twice at the Think Like A Poker Pro self-hypnosis system, let alone downloaded the free mp3 file that gets me started.

I have mediocre, if limited, experience of hypnosis. Build Self-Esteem and Reduce Stress cassettes, to which I used to listen in the '90s (don't be a lawyer for a living) left abiding memories of a scary American voice that made me snigger, presumably breaking the spell, whenever it invited me to let relaxation seep into my upper legs and "buddox".

It must have made some impression on me because I no longer hear New Age music without involuntarily reaching for a hammer but I'm not sure that was the object of the exercise.

But I'm a writer now and these things must be investigated, although the follow-up page to the enrolment form inspires less confidence the more of it you read:

"Become the luckiest person you know with the BRAND NEW Celestial Luck report!"

Going...

"Researchers have used this amazing program to WIN over a hundred jackpots at the slot machines"

Going...

"Make a living from roulette"

Gone.
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Elsewhere on the subject of hypnosis help, Tim Ryerson is largely sceptical (although he does show you that NLP stands for something other than no limit poker) the Guide to the Best Poker Sites wants us to seriously consider "chanting in a barely audible sound" while sports hypnotherapist Michele Burghardt introduces welcome practicality into the topic. It's not all swinging pocket watches and "look into my eyes," apparently...
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Oh and for the benefit of readers from the UK - the land where thinking for oneself has gone the way of the brontosaurus - do not attempt hypnosis of any kind without proper supervision, alway ask the permission of the person in whose house you live before hypnotising anyone and all trances cost 38 pence a minute, 19p off-peak.

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Austrian gambling ads too tongue-in-cheek for comfort

Date: Fri, Jun 20, 2008 Internet

This is why satire dies: because the old jokes start becoming reality...

What's the definition of "yuk", we used to ask in the playground. When your grandmother kisses you goodbye and sticks her tongue in.

How we laughed. As if...

"Austria's advertising standards authority has ordered bet-at-home.com to withdraw its Euro 2008 billboard advertising campaign following numerous complaints from concerned parents.

The advertisement, featuring a young couple tongue kissing, was ruled inappropriate after children began imitating it.

"In one complaint, a grandmother from Vienna accused the ad of contributing to the moral decline of society by exposing children to such imagery. The grandmother was motivated to make the complaint after a visit by her grandson turned sour.

"In her complaint she describes the moment when she went to greet her grandson with a kiss, only to feel 'the full frightening tongue of the child' in her mouth."

[pic courtesy of hunterseakerhk]

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Review: 'Taking Chances - winning with probability'

Date: Wed, Jun 18, 2008 Internet

Take any group of Ferrari owners and chances are there'll be some who love being able to give you chapter and verse on why the engine performs as beautifully as it does.

The rest? They won't really care. They're just happy that it does and that they earn enough to own one.

That's the thing you must bear in mind before deciding whether to buy John Haigh's guide to probabilities: he's written it for the chapter-and-verse type of gambler.

If you love numbers for their own sake and are happy to be led down all manner of highways and byways, then this is the book for you. Haigh, a reader in Mathematics & Statistics at the University of Sussex, will show you the nitty-gritty on putting a number to your chances of just about anything.

His thoroughness probably can't be faulted but I say probably because I'm the who-cares-? type of gambler and was therefore reduced to skimming this book from about the mid-point onwards.

I just need the gist of how odds work and more than anything, I wanted to see applied odds calculation. I wanted Haigh to report from bookies' counters and card dens with a Racing Post under his arm and two months' worth of mortgage repayments crammed into his wallet. I wanted to see his theories applied to individual races or hands of poker.

But that's not really him. He sounds every inch like a Reader in Mathematics and the helpful nuggets I got - that the first of two evenly-matched snooker players to take the lead in a multi-frame contest tends to hold onto it or that when odds are against you (eg roulette) you should bet your money quickly in lumps, rather than spreading it out over a long string of bets - were mere crumbs from the table.

I blame the designer more than the author. Sticking a pair of dice on the cover lends the book a glamour to which it doesn't really aspire but I cannot stress enough that stat-freak gamblers happy to dive deep into the arcane waters of chance may well find much of use in this 332-page paperback.

I just couldn't be bothered to stick with it long enough to be absolutely certain.

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Microsoft Surface barely scratches my interest

Date: Sun, Jun 15, 2008 Internet

Few people's lives revolve around mouse and monitor more than mine but if there's one thing to be learnt from two days off-line, watching the US Open golf, it's that the Internet lifestyle can be like hitting yourself on the head with a hammer.

It's beautiful when it stops.

For a short while, you can savour things like sunlight poking its head through your window, or the easy chair that normally gathers dust while you're at your desk. Then there's the slow realisation that the world does indeed still function without your fingers dancing across a keyboard.

I mention this only so you know it's not just my age talking when I express my dismay at Harrah's move to install Microsoft Surface tables in the 'ibar' (oh please) at the Rio Casino, Vegas.

"[the tables] will let bar customers perform a number of functions, including viewing and sending messages to customers at one of the other Microsoft Surface tables...

"...Harrah's officials, however, believe that the "Flirt" program, which lets customers take and e-mail pictures and trade cell phone numbers, will be best-received by customers...

"...Other applications allow customers to watch YouTube, play computer games such as bowling or pinball, tour six of Harrah's properties in Las Vegas and watch video promotions of its shows. The tables will offer only one commercial application: Customers can order drinks through the system."

Can I just ask a question here? What the hell happened to conversation?

You know, the mediaeval art of requiring nothing more from your night out than to spend it in good company, drinking, chatting and laughing.

Have we really got to the stage where entertainment and conviviality only begin when people have a bunch of trivial gizmos to play with? Isn't Facebook enough anymore?

And how ironic that these tables should bear the stamp of Bill Gates' company. If you had to invent the perfect Saturday night fall-back for the geek who's IQ-heavy and charisma-light, this would probably be it. Women avoid you all night but you can still dazzle the waitress with your virtual bowling skills...

Watch this supposedly 'promotional' clip and ask yourself whom you'd like to slap more, him or her...

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Admit it: too often a re-raise has you Bushed...

Date: Wed, Jun 11, 2008 Internet

Strange that it should take a poker blog for me to give George Bush a break for the first time in five years.

Stone Cold Blog's beautifully-titled post - All-in is NOT an informational raise! - has shown me that Dubya is not alone is rushing in without an exit strategy.

A nice hand analysis on the subject of re-raises concludes with the words, "You have stated that you have a good hand … I’ve stated that mine is better … get over it and move onto the next one..." and I know only too well to whom it speaks.

I don't think it through when I raise. If I'm re-raised, there's a voice that says I must proceed to the bitter end regardless, or else be thought a fool and a lightweight. Sadly, there is no voice to counsel that such perceptions could come in very useful later on, should I be re-raised while holding the nuts.

My raises are formulaic. I need to apply myself to finding the amount that either says I'm weak when I'm strong or that I'm strong when I'm weak. In neither case must it leave me pot-committed before I need to be.

I need to learn that not all re-raises are born of testosterone. Sometimes he really is holding aces.

I need to know that raising and re-raising does not trigger some impregnable vacuum, ahead of a fight to the death. There is always an exit marked 'fold' and no-one can seal it off but me.

I need to acknowledge that George Bush is not quite the singular buffoon I once thought he was. He merely plays a more public table and for much higher stakes.

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It's not poker you're tired of, it's chasing money

Date: Mon, Jun 9, 2008 Internet

Maybe this is how poker's bubble bursts: not with a bang but with gradual subsidence, so numerous are the pin pricks through which its allure departs.

To read the forums these days is to read noticeably more threads like this one, where the musty whiff of ennui is unmistakable.

While I doubt that the end of poker's boom will emulate that of mortgage lending, people are nevertheless waking up to the fact that it has its limitations as a pastime. It is repetitive, its landscape never changes and it has none of the vigour of physical contact sport to snap you out of your disillusionment.

Nor does it make financial promises, no matter how well you play and for the many who saw it as the gateway out of 9-to-5 Land, this is the killer blow. So the signs of a peaking market grow more frequent - over at Punters Lounge, they're now quibbling over repetitive poker magazines - and ever more people are wondering if it's still worth a damn.

Of course it is. It's not our game we need to change; just our attitude towards it. While I've never seriously contemplated playing poker professionally, I realise that I have long been focused too intently on winning tournaments and growing bankroll, without pausing to smell the roses along the way.

So my poker reading is no longer confined to strategy manuals. I read about the game's history now, about the world's great casinos and poker's amazing litany of characters. If I'm still thinking of tournaments, it's more in terms of the places I might visit at someone else's expense and the kind of people I might get to talk to than how much money I might win.

Not that this means I'm tilting through indifference. If anything, relaxing my perspective on the game has brought a new clarity to what I'm about when I sit at the table. Monday to Friday decides the weekend's perks: if I'm in profit after five days of two sit and gos a night, I use half that profit on tourney entries for Saturday and Sunday, keeping the dream of making millions alive. Only now it's a treat, not a grim objective.

If I make a loss in the week then I take the weekend off: heaven knows, I'm not short of poker magazines to catch up on.

I'm just happy that I still have the opportunity to be competing at something, three years shy of 50 and while I think it's a misnomer, I nevertheless feel a certain guilty pleasure when I hear poker referred to as 'sport'.

Is my renaissance working? Well let's just say that when I realised I have a residual $16 to my credit across three online poker rooms, I didn't do what I would once have done and throw the lot at a few sit and gos. Instead, I've gone back to playing the occasional 10-20c limit Texas Hold Em cash game. It's not my preferred format but it fills gaps in my day that are too short for even one-table tourneys and, dropping down from $10 sit and gos as I am, it allows me the novelty of playing a level of poker at which I feel totally comfortable and, more often than not, in control.

The old me would have laughed scornfully at the fiscal regression of such nickel and dime poker. The new me, however, has discovered poker for poker's sake.

It may not be a viable career option but as hobbies go it still beats the hell out of home improvements.


[Pic courtesy of unclr]
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Pic of the Day

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'Sit & Go Strategy' - review

Date: Thu, Jun 5, 2008 Internet

Collin Moshman's book Sit 'n Go Strategy is reviewed over at the United Poker Forum.
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Life after a bankroll - when your last cent has gone but the itch still needs to be scratched, Prizedome.com runs regular freerolls in which you win points that can be redeemed for prizes. Each Monday, they also run a $100 cash prize event, just to remind you what you once had...

I must say their graphics (left) look rather smart; like BoDog poker before it went all minimalist. Not sure where I'd put that golden hand trophy, mind.

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WSOP point of order - is Lucius Malfoy the only Harry Potter character attending this year's event?
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And there I was thinking 2,000 chips and 10 minute blind levels over at Party Poker were generous: Andrew Brokos explains what 'deep-stack' tourney poker really means and how the online veteran must adapt.
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Pic of the Day

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Doing the unthinkable with poker bankroll...

Date: Tue, Jun 3, 2008 Internet

Yes, that's right: I'm going to spend some of it. Say this for recessions and credit crunches; they do get you thinking about that online poker loot you work so hard for.

There is so much written about bankroll management, that I think we're in danger of making a temple of our money.

The Phil Iveys of this world can splash their cash without making so much as a dent in their 'roll but for those of us at the more humble end of the poker economy, bankroll is something solely to be built and nurtured and before we know it, it becomes something we gaze upon reverentially from a distance, never to be touched or squandered on things that have nothing to do with poker, for fear that we trigger some gambling karma and promptly tilt away twice as much as we've just withdrawn.

Only in poker's religion is the path to righteousness not straight and narrow. In online poker, the gateway to evil - the 'Withdraw' button - is straight and narrow, while the Pearly Gate is wide, shiny and labelled 'Deposit'.

But times are hard. I took my wife to Scotland on a press trip last week and while much of the 'jolly' was free, there are always extras that need paying for, not to mention birthday presents for her and elder son. And I'm being hit by interest rates and energy bills as much as the next man.

So I thought, "why shouldn't poker pay for some of this?" and the more I thought about it, the more I began to realise the advantages. Sure, the balancing act between leaving well alone and over-indulging must be addressed but if you can handle that properly, there is the added incentive of striving for capital that will actually go to work in the real world instead of being just an abstract number.

There is the potential satisfaction of knowing that perks such as that £25 bottle of wine at dinner are no longer a drain on savings but a freebie paid for by people who over-play flush draws.

Then there is the boost to morale brought about by attainable goals. I may not feature in the World Series of Poker this year but maybe, just maybe, I can get other people to pay for at least half of the new tyre my car needs.

I'm excited by all this. Like I say, I'm no Phil Ivey...


[Pic courtesy of Nrbelex]
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Five best horse racing movies
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Poker Pic of the Day

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Chipophilia - how does Big Stack stop the bleeding?

Date: Thu, May 29, 2008 Internet

My 40-day read-through of Harrington on Hold 'Em Vol. 1 and Vol. 2 during Lent this year has had undoubted pay-offs, as I frequently find myself doubled-up by the time my $5 sit and gos reach the middle stages.

This, however, brings problems of its own. Somewhere between throwing my weight around in too many marginal hands to avoid becoming complacent and playing like the Rock of Gibraltar in a feverish bid to hold what I have, there is a happy medium. It might as well be a tightrope smothered in butter, for all the trouble I'm having staying on it at present, so I have been scouring the 'Net and magazines alike for tips to stop Big Stack wasting away.

Here are those that struck the loudest chord:

• "Most of the short stacks will be looking for reasons to go all-in and try to double through before they get blinded to death, so you want to avoid making stupid calls and keeping them in the game...I think the best approach is to make maintaining your lead the priority and secondly trying to build it up more - protecting before pushing"
  



• "Attacking other big stacks can be a very strong tactic as they will not want to 'get involved', even sometimes with a very big hand, as they are reluctant to give up their strong position. Look for opportunities to come over the top of raises, particularly from late position. It is a stronger looking bet, puts more pressure on and gains more chips than first raise. You will be believed for a hand most of the time"



• "Short-stacked players often will raise pre-flop, hoping no one calls. Gold [2006 WSOP Main Event] would fire back and bully them off their hand, probably at times with inferior cards. Gold knew his opponents would call or re-raise only if they had a real hand. So, when they played back at him, he’d usually just fold"



• "Take some time at the table to do some psychological exercises to keep yourself in check. Whenever you've been able to gather a nice amount of chips early set your goal for your play for the next few levels. "I want to win about 4,000 more chips by the time the antes come into play," might be a quick and easy goal to set. That solid goal will help you set your sights on solid decision making, not playing to continue a "hot streak" or to feed your own ego."



• "A better solution in my opinion is to alternate speeds. Steal twice an orbit for two or three orbits then take an orbit off (unless you catch a monster, obviously) then go back into attack mode for an orbit then backoff again, etc...if you occasionally fold "obvious" steal opportunities even when you haven't played the last 8 or 9 hands, your (thinking) opponents will start to think that maybe you weren't bullying earlier but just got hot for a little while and they will respect your raises when you crank it back up."



• "...when you're a big stack, and against opponents who have stacks large enough to pay you well if you hit, but small enough not to be a major threat to you, many hands are worth limping. I'm talking medium off-suit two-gappers... suited kings and queens... sometimes even baby aces...when your opponent has about 1/3 to 1/2 your chips, and a limp costs you less than 5% (there's that 5-10 rule again) of your stack, calling the blind is a no-brainer."



• "You do not make calls just because you can afford to do so. Rather, you’d either have a chance of making a hand, or plan to steal the pot from your opponent in a later betting round. ..Specifically, you want to make moves that will slowly drain your opponents chip stack, but never do you want to double them up."



• "If you do want to use the leverage offered by a big chip stack, target the players who appear to be playing too tight and put pressure on them with bets and raises. They’ll be all too aware of the fact your big stack could knock them out at any time."

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I've had this on the back burner for a few weeks but Edward McLelland's reflections on the loss of Eight Belles in the Kentucky Derby and what it tells us about the Turf's conveyor belt, should be read by anyone with an interest in racing:

"As this change in the breeding world took place, the sport was allowing the use of pain-killers and other medications that are forbidden in most other countries. They allow infirm horses to achieve success, go to stud and pass on their infirmities to the next"

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Planning a Vegas bachelor party
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Pic of the Day

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Between Godliness and poker, comes Jewish escapology

Date: Tue, May 27, 2008 Internet

At a time when public places seem to be getting busted right, left and centre for hosting poker, not even the story of a Leeds rabbi forced to protest the innocence of "a Las Vegas-style night of entertainment for young adults" can raise much of an eyebrow.

Until you get to the end of the story, that is:

"The evening, which featured illusionist Mord Maman, started with an escapology show that is the brainchild of Rabbi Shlomo Farhi, who weaves ideas of Jewish wisdom into proceedings"

How...the...hell does that work...? The Book of Exodus with a padlocked sack?

And hats off to the Jewish Telegraph reporter who insisted that we be spared no detail of the evening's rampant hedonism, with one of journalism's all-time great closing paragraphs:

"There was also a Chinese buffet"

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Still on the religious theme: spin this - another in the series highlighting those fabulous PR coups that make you rejoice to be a gambler...

Gambling Rev runs out of luck - A White Plains priest was a real holy roller - using the Sunday collection plate as his own personal gambling pot, authorities charge

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Pic of the Day

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You own every poker book going - so where do you hold 'em?

Date: Sun, May 25, 2008 Internet

One London couple has come up with a neat idea in optimising space - building a staircase going nowhere and surrounding it with bookshelves, instead of having a whole wall taken over by John Grisham.

If that sounds a bit too pretentious for your Harrington collection then there's always the DIY Invisible Floating Bookshelf...
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How to play someone else's seat at the poker table - or 'A few more things to mention when people tell you online isn't a patch on live games...'
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Poker pic of the Day

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